This week I’m in California visiting my kids and their beautiful daughter (my granddaughter). While I’ve had some quality writing time I’ve decided to “cheat” this week with an abridged excerpt from my first novel Please Say Kaddish for Me. It seems to work well with Maggie Duncan’s photo prompt for Friday Fictioneers.
*A side note: Kaddish is the Hebrew prayer recited in honor of the dead and to comfort the bereft.
Rocks, frozen grass and cupules stabbed the soles of her bare feet.
Who would pray for their souls?
Havah forced her heavy mouth to shape the prayer although she detested its beauty. “‘Magnified and sanctified is your great Name…’”
Her hands, clapped over her ears, could not blot out the cries of those fast becoming memories. “‘…in the world which you have created…’”
Like prickly fingers, spiny thorns grabbed at her nightgown and she fought to ignore the fire in her lungs. “‘…according to Your will.’”
Run.
Brambles ripped into her flesh.
Run.
Her legs smarted.
Don’t stop. Run.
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple 
I like your story, Rochelle. I will enjoy reading your novels (1 & 2) when finished and ready for the public. I continue to work on my own, still and other projects. i have posted my story up too, but have noticed that the new story link is not yet up and ready so will have to wait on that, but mine is posted now on my site here for you and any others reading yours here. http://jemj47.wordpress.com
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It would seem that the new link isn’t up yet. Madison posted that she’d have it up tonight so you’re probably the first one to read this. I suppose you could call it my Readers Digest version. That’s Kosher, right?
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The weight of sorrow comes through so well in this story, and the urge to push away comfort. And the brambles are such a good externalization of her inner pain. Beautifully written.
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Thank you, Sharon. It’s gratifying when someone so completely understands my intent.
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I like the contrast between the beauty of the prayer and the harshness of her reality.
Enjoy your vacation and family. I’ll be leaving to deliver our younger daughter to art school on Friday.
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Thanks for reading Jaspers Call-I should write one of these :continuing: challenges, where the people write just that small :allowed” amount each time, but in one long story. Maybe I will continue one some time.
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Hello Rockstar: Interesting excerpt from your story “Kaddish…”. I wonder why she needs to escape and run? From whom and what? Enjoy your stay in CA with your little “Olive.”
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I guess that’s one of the hazards of using an excerpt for my 100 word story. It’s from the second chapter when Havah’s just escaped after her family’s slaughter at the hands of the Cossacks. Her entire village has been razed.
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That’s also a benefit of using an excerpt. If you’re making readers ask questions, you’re generating interest for them to buy your book.
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Thanks, Adam. I needed the encouragement. Of course when the book sells to a publisher I want a following. Seven years of my life are tied up in that book. 😉
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Dear Rochelle… Makes sense now. Thanks for adding this. Makes me want to read your book even more.
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Very powerful imagery. I like the interplay between the prayer and the external world.
ps – purple is a great colour. Is your novel published..
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Not yet. But it is under contract with an agent as of this past June.
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Dear Rochelle,
I’m glad you posted the excerpt from Please Say Kaddish for Me. It was a very powerful piece and perfect for the prompt. Let me join others in saying I can’t wait for your novel to be published.
(I hope you are enjoying you time in California. Loved the video of your granddaughter. Was she eating M+M’s?)
Aloha,
Doug
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She’s eating about anything that isn’t nailed down, Doug. It was fruit in the video.
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This is beautiful and poignant. The grieving process for a loved one is difficult even for the faithful. Enjoy the granddaughter!
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Very vivid and powerful imagery you created here…well done. Thanks so much for stopping by mine. Have fun and rest in California
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I would really love to read your novel, Rochelle. This is a fine excerpt, vivid and chilling. Great job. Thank you for the visit. I am here for others: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/08/23/fridayfictioneers-light-on-the-hill/
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I had to look up cupules – a lovely new word (for me). Great urgency at the end. I too am looking forward to reading the whole thing – good luck!
Thanks for visiting mine: http://worksbyclaire.wordpress.com/2012/08/23/short-story-the-edge-of-the-world/
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I’m glad the photo fit. I also like the contrast among the scene, the prayer, and the harsh reality. Well-combined.
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Thanks, Maggie and thanks for the right picture at the right time. 😉
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powerful piece, thank you
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I really enjoyed your story. Sorrow and comfort are very strong emotions and both can be hard to handle. Thank you for stopping by, your comment is greatly appreciated.
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Interesting excerpt, and a very good fit with the photo prompt!
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Heavy. “Blot out the cries of those fast becoming memories.” This definitely makes me interested about the bigger stories. That run at the end also made me frantic. Nive
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Thank you. Actually this excerpt is at the beginning of a novel. And a sequel is in the works.
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whoa — you really set the scene and filled me with dread… nicely done….
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I love it when I learn something new from this pieces. I didn’t know Havah was the ancient name for Eve, and I had to google cupules (though once I knew what they were I realised I could have guessed it. Really good piece, with such a weight of grief in it.
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Thanks Sandra,
Havah is also the feminine form of Hai, Hebrew for life, ie Mother of Life. It was also my mother’s Hebrew name so it’s kind of a memorial in that sense.
I, too, love to read fiction that teaches me something.
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Well done, the fear came through beautifully – if that’s the right way to put it 🙂
Here’s mine too: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/08/24/friday-fictioneers-misty/
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Thank you, Linda,
Fear is definitely the way to put it. Havah has just witnessed the murder of her mother, father and two brothers but not before her mother saved her from the clutches of a Cossack. The village is on fire and she’s running through the woods in nothing but a nightgown. Yep definitely FEAR. Going to read yours now. 😀
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Well, I think you carried it off beautifully Rochelle 🙂
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Tension!
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Oh, Rochelle, what a post! I want to read your novel!
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I believe I have the right agent to sell it. Now praying for the right publisher.
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Rochelle,
I love your new site. Can’t wait to get changed over myself. I think your excerpt worked great with the prompt, and agree with Adam that it makes us want to know more of the story. Keep up the good work!
http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
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Glad you like the site, Russell. WordPress is much more conducive to interaction. Looking forward to seeing you over on this side. Importing my stories was very easy.
Thanks for the kind comment. I’m counting on book sales when it finally hits the stands.
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I’d have to echo the sentiments of others and concur this is an exceptionally powerful and poignant excerpt that only leads one to hunger for the whole story. Very well-written and gripping sentiments.
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Thanks for sharing your work in progress. I enjoyed it and am left wondering how she fared – did she make it out?
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Of course I don’t want to give too much away. However, since it’s toward the beginning of the novel and Havah’s the main character I can tell you she makes it out…this time. Thanks for commenting, Erin.
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Fear but with strength. Very nice.
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I like this! Are the brambles alive? Who is chasing her? SOOOO many questions. I have one of my own though: Is your book published? I’m looking for book to review if it is can you send me a review copy? Thanks for commenting on mine.
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Thanks for your comments, Atiya. The brambles aren’t alive. Nothing paranormal about this book It’s historical fiction. Those who might’ve chased her were the Cossacks who murdered her family and razed her village because they were Jews. At present the book is merely in manuscript form and under contract with an agent. No review copies at this time. But thank your for asking.
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Glad you shared a bit of background–makes Havah’s desperate flight that much more immediate and powerful. Also, does her recitation of the Kaddish temporarily satisfy her need to honor the dead and allow her to concentrate on her escape? Looking for more….
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Exactly, VB. Actually reciting the Kaddish in their honor keeps her mind off her escape. The fact that it’s a frigid November night and she has no idea where her flight is taking her. I will tell you that frostbite takes its toll and leaves her with a physical disability.
Part of her character, similar to Yentl, if you’re familiar, is that she’s a learned woman, almost unheard for her day and culture.
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Quite the teaser there! I like the way the prayer forces itself into her mind and mouth, overcoming her.
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I’m glad you thought to use part of your novel — the sharpness of her pain so contrasts with the seeming peace of the photograph. Chilling.
Thanks for stopping by and for others, I’m on the FF list.
Kathy
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What a great idea to post a snippet of your novel. It was really strong and certainly has me wanting more. Good luck with it!
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An appropriate excerpt. I can’ help but think of Allen Ginsberg’s “Kaddish”, but your book sounds interesting.
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Who knows if my title will survive publication. Publishers are notorious for changing the author’s title. Of course, not being familiar I had to look up Allen Ginsberg’s “Kaddish.”
Kaddish such an important part of Judaism that it’s not unusual for more than one Jewish writer to reference it.
Thanks for stopping by,
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Very poignant, especially —- could not blot out the cries of those fast becoming memories. Great job!
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Powerful write. I could feel the fear and adrenaline fueling that fear to run. This is a perfect into to your book, which I have put on my must read list. BTW I’m a bit addicted to purple also. I believe it’s stems from the royalty in my past lives. 🙂
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Sounded as if they didn’t want to be comforted, I liked the eeriness.
Thank you for stopping by my story.
My offering this week can be found at yaralwrites.com
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Not sure who you mean by “they”. If you mean Havah, she’s torn. Hard to be comforted when you’re on the run. At this stage of the story, she’s in survival mode. If she stops to think about it, she’ll lose her momentum and possibly die in the process. Hope this makes sense, Yaral.
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I think the contrast between the beautiful prayer and awful reality works well here. I like how she moves her heavy mouth. It’s a very visceral way of describing how she sang without wanting to.
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I love your story! Poignant and emotional, I could feel the urgency of her situation. Great line: “…could not blot out the cries of those fast becoming memories.”
I wonder who, or what, she was running from, or toward.
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Again she’s running from the Cossacks who have just slaughtered her family. She will find a new village and family. This is only the first part of a novel. Thanks for stopping by and for your kind words, Ilyan.
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Powerful excerpt, Rochelle. Good luck with the rest of the process – I’ll look forward to reading it all.
http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/the-haar-ff-240812/
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This is excellent! I love how you intertwined the prayer with the story.
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I really enjoyed this post – add me to the list of people waiting for your novel!
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OK. My turn. My wife is an awesome “wordsmith”, who can blow my mind with the word pictures in such a short space. Truly gifted.
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The brambles remind me (and perhaps are your intent) of the many small troubles in life. One or two, we can brush off. Repeated stabs, though, become almost unbearable.
~Susan
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