CIRCLE IN A SPIRAL

Published October 31, 2012 by rochellewisoff

Every Friday authors from around the world gather here to share their 100-words and offer constructive crit and encouragement to each other. This creates a wonderful opportunity for free reading of very fresh fiction! Readers are encouraged to comment as well.

As always a special thanks to Madison Woods’ help in  making the transition less challenging.  

Writers:

  • Depending on your preference, leave your blog link  in the comment section or use the linkz tool (or both ;)). My story follows for those who’d rather not read it before writing their own.
  • If your blog requires multiple steps for visitors to leave comments, see if you can simplify it. If you can disable CAPTCHA, please for the sake of our writerly nerves, disable it. It’s frustrating to have to leave a DNA sample, your blood type and your shoe size  just to leave a comment. (So I exaggerate. But hopefully you get the picture).
  • Challenge yourself to keep stories to 100 words. (If you don’t you won’t be flogged or forced to walk the plank.

Copyright-Ted Strutz

*****

           

get the InLinkz code

***CIRCLE IN A SPIRAL***

            Nathan loved fairs and amusement parks. He’d coax Jeanette onto roller coasters and then laugh so loud at her terror others would turn and smile.

            Eight months ago a roadside bomb exploded in Afghanistan.

            “Presumed dead—no remains found.”

            Nothing was the same. She went to the park with her sister but greasy odors and the pungent crowd suffocated her.

            Then, from the shadows, a marine balanced on his one leg, reached for her with a prosthetic hand.

            “I’m half a man, Jeanette. I can’t—”

            She laughed so loud others turned and smiled.

           “Nathan! Shut up and kiss me.” 

83 comments on “CIRCLE IN A SPIRAL

  • Your story took an unexpected turn!
    This could be the start of a beautiful love story.
    But I am curious, he can’t do what now?
    I mean, I hope not what it seems!

    And I love this prompt! Don’t know what I am going to do with it.
    Another great challenge this week! Thanks.

    Like

  • Dear Rochelle,

    What he’s done will make him 100% more of a man than all the rest. Stood his ground when the SHTF and gave his all for honor, duty and the men and women he fought with. He deserves a woman like Jeanette, who sees past the superficial to the man within.

    A wonderful story from the driver. Thanks.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  • Rochelle, I am one of the ones who don’t like to see any stories before writing my own, for fear others’ creativity will throw a cloak over my own and bundle it away to destinations unknown. For that reason, might I appeal for you to not include your own story title? Now I’ve got “Circle in a Spiral” hanging off of the photo and whispering little things in my ear . . . 😉

    Thank you, again, SO MUCH, for taking on this task!

    Like

  • Doug’s comment nailed my sentiment as well. You set the bar really high this week. This was outstanding. I’m proud just to ride on the same bus with you 🙂

    Like

  • Weird! (Not your story). I’ve been trying all day to see if the prompt was up and now it appears it’s been up for some time. Lovely, lovely story and I agree with Doug that they deserve one another. Hopefully my brain will come up with something tomorrow other than whether the rain will ever stop so my house and yard can dry out. 🙂

    Like

    • Hi Janet,
      My page actually went live before I did yesterday. I’d scheduled ahead but neglected to set the time zone so I don’t know what time it happened. I had three comments waiting for me two hours before I thought I’d set it. Such is my relationship with technology.
      I look forward to your story whenever you’re able. I totally understand why you might’ve been otherwise preoccupied this week. 😉

      Like

  • HI Rockstar ~ A lovely tribute to another “wounded warrior” and hero. In addition to your unique stories, are your titles. They always surprise me. I just saw the photo, therefore no early bird posting for me.

    Like

  • I liked this a lot, Rochelle, and absolutely loved the emotional tone of the contrast between Jeanette’s perception of the fair with Nathan and the fair with her sister – how it almost sickens her without him. It struck me as a little odd, though, for Nathan – who is presumed dead – to show up for the first time at the fair, of all places. Did he and Jeanette’s sister plan this reunion? Nice echo of the fear and laughter of roller coasters in the story’s ending.

    Like

    • One can only say so much in 100 words and make them count. No doubt there’s a lot more to be said in the way of explanation. This is the Readers Digest version. In my mind I think that Jeanette’s sister has something to do with their meeting.

      Like

      • That is the downside of 100 words! 🙂 (Also probably why my Angelique comes across as pure evil to some people!) I like the idea of Jeanette’s sister helping out… Otherwise it seems like a chance encounter when he should have rushed right home to his grieving sweetheart. I really loved your story, just felt like I needed to know why he hadn’t called her as soon as possible. If he was planning a big surprise at their “place,” it makes perfect sense. I could see Jeanette dragging her feet while her sister urges her to get ready and drags her to the fair, whining, complaining, moping…

        Like

  • What an unexpected take on the prompt and I’m sure there will be many that recognise the emotional turmoil that such change can bring when it’s forced on you in this way. Beautiful turn of events and well written.

    Like

  • Your story gave me chills, Rochelle. Laughter wasn’t what I expected for her reaction, but it brought the story around to a nice circle. I’m glad my love doesn’t have to leave the base out there but he’s been on medic transport duty for others who have. Even kids (Afghani) encounter IED’s and lose so much before they come on base for emergency care and transport. So sad. Our men and women put all on the table in the line of duty and we as a nation don’t often offer much support. Great story.

    Like

  • I liked how this jumped in time to tell the whole story while sending us on an emotional roller coaster. Love the opening paragraph. It really brings the fair feeling in, then shows such a contrast with the greasy odors and pungent crowd suffocating her. I’m glad they found each other again.

    Like

  • To say I was flabbergasted would be an understatement! I thought that photo looked familiar. I was thinking the Tug Boat. It is an interesting choice, Rochelle, and I think will produce some very interesting stories. Your story is certainly touching, with an important and loving message.

    Like

  • I’m glad he made it back. I expected the story to turn out much darker but it didn’t. I especially like your description of the fair when she thought he was gone for good.

    Nice story-and nice photo!

    Like

  • Hi Rochelle, Thanks again for hosting this! I just posted my first effort in a while – ihttp://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/11/02/flash-friday-fiction-14/

    I enjoyed yours and loved the title.

    Like

  • What a great story, Rochelle! You really take us through an emotional roller coaster – I guess that’s appropriate for the setting, isn’t it?

    Here’s my tale – http://newpillowbook.wordpress.com/2012/11/02/friday-fictioneers-at-the-fair/.

    BTW – I’m very grateful to hear that we won’t be forced to walk the plank if we go over 100 words, but will we be politely requested to dive off?? Oh well, I’m only three words over this time! 😉

    Like

    • What else would you ride at amusement park, Sharon? Although my last one was at Coney Island in 1999. I’ve had not desire to ride another. Glad you liked my story. Heading over to read yours.
      Three words? I’ll have to put you on probation. 😉

      Like

  • Another great story Rochelle. Although losing a leg and hand was traumatic enough, he had not lost his sweetheart, obviously. A happy ending and a saved relationship. (I am taking a third week off from FF). Been too busy to work on the FF stories but working on other projects. Keep up the good work as a writer and FF director.

    Like

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