22 March 2013

Published March 20, 2013 by rochellewisoff

Once more our diverse band of intrepid FRIDAY FICTIONEERS sets out to write. We come together from such places as Kenya, Ghana, Stockholm, South Africa, Australia, the UK, Canada and the good ole US of A.  Fascinating group. Join us! 

THE CHALLENGE:

Write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end. (No one will be ostracized for going over or under the word count.)

THE KEY:

Make every word count.

THE RULES:

  • Copy your URL to the Linkz collection. You’ll find the tab following the photo prompt. It’s the little white box to the left with the blue froggy guy. Click on it and follow directions. This is the best way to get the most reads and comments.
  • MAKE SURE YOUR LINK  IS SPECIFIC TO YOUR FLASH FICTION. (Should you find that you’ve made an error you can delete by clicking the little red ‘x’ that should appear under your icon. Then re-enter your URL. (If there’s no red x email me at Runtshell@aol.com. I can delete the wrong link for you).
  • Thanks to Blogspot bloggers for (please) disabling their  CAPTCHAs. (Example below)
  • photo (57)
  •  Make note in your blog if you’d prefer not to have constructive criticism. 
  • REMINDER: This page is “FRIDAY FICTIONEERS CENTRAL” and is NOT the place to promote political or religious views. Also, you are responsible for the content of your story and policing comments on your blog. You have the right to delete any you consider offensive.  

**Please exercise DISCRETION  when commenting on a story! Be RESPECTFUL.**

Should someone have severe or hostile differences of opinion with another person it’s my hope that the involved parties would settle their disputes in private. 

***************

:) My story will follow the prompt for those who might be distracted by reading a story before writing their own . I enjoy your comments. :)

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Copyright -Douglas M. MacIlroy

Copyright –Douglas M. MacIlroy



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My story this week is dedicated to a friend knows too well the pain of separation and change.

Genre: Literary Fiction

Word count: 99

FRIENDS

            Often during Chase and Amelia’s thousands-of-miles-apart, online chats, he would interrupt and say, “Brb. Mystic needs his ears scratched.” or “Mystic wants an apple.”

            One night, after a simple “hello” and an extended pause, he declared, “Jayne sold Mystic.”

            Amelia’s screen blurred. “That sucks.”

            “Her property. No big deal.”

            Despite Chase’s protests, Amelia detected anguish in his typo-riddled, printed voice. Although none appeared in the portrait icon beside his screen name, she intuited tears.

            She typed and backspaced over at least a hundred shallow words of comfort before proffering only two.

            “I’m here.”

            “I love that horse.”

            “I know.” 

141 comments on “22 March 2013

  • Great story. With animals like that the line between property and friend gets seriously blurred. It’s heartbreaking when they leave us so soon.

    By the way, when I was scrolling down, I thought the picture with the captcha was the prompt. I had a whole story made up in my head before I saw the picture of the horse. 🙂

    Like

  • Dear Rochelle,

    Well, you know where I stand on this story, me being so close to Mystic and all. As you so aptly said, my screen’s getting blurry.

    I love that horse…and you too.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  • Rochelle, twice now I’ve immediately started thinking of a story to match the captcha image that comes up in the reader before realizing I needed to scroll to see the photo prompt. Too funny, this morning I actually thought of a story of how someone had no way to prove they we’re not a robot. Too early, need coffee. Enjoyed your story.

    Like

  • Thanks for the photo Doug. Rochelle, I’ve never owned a horse. Though I have had critters I’ve been very attached to. Some folks go out and get replacements right away. Our last loss has left us pet-less. But I get my fix from visiting family and friends. And the wild birds in my yard. 🙂

    I’ll probably post a second piece once Alastair’s posted his. But I’ve a busy day and well you just can’t hold a good muse down…

    Thanks again for hosting.

    Like

    • After my assistance doggie was stolen from my yard, many offered to replace it right away. I couldn’t do it. I’d invested sooo much time and energy into training Maigon for what I needed him to do for me. That was almost 3 yrs ago this June and still, I haven’t replaced him.

      Like

    • Dear Jules,
      Hosting Friday Fictioneers is one of my greatest pleasures.
      I know what you mean about pets. A couple of years ago we lost a cat that we’d had for 18 years. Still miss her but have not desire to get a replacement.
      shalom,
      Rochelle

      Like

  • Rochelle, very sweet story. I love Amelia’s typing and backspacing over a hundred replies. My only suggestion is to put -dare I say this- a couple typos in Chase’s line. Since Amelia notices his typos, I want to notice them, too, even though typos usually make me cringe! 🙂

    Like

    • I actually thought of doing just that, Lisa, but somehow it didn’t seem to fit. In my opinion it would be a hindrance and a distraction or even added a humorous note which wouldn’t fit.
      In any case I’m happy you liked my story.
      Shalom,
      Rochelle

      Like

  • Being a horse person myself, with a horse that’s 30 and apt to not make it too much longer, I fully empathize. 😦 But at least when Sunday goes, it’s not because someone else got rid of her. You spun the story beautifully and the title is apt for both sets of friends. These lines are particularly good:

    ” Despite Chase’s protests, Amelia detected anguish in his typo-riddled, printed voice. Although none appeared in the portrait icon beside his screen name, she intuited tears.

    She typed and backspaced over at least a hundred shallow words of comfort before proffering only two.”

    I like the entire idea of “seeing” someone even online (which I believe you can), love “intuited tears” in the same context, and believe that often “I’m here” is all that can initially and realistically be offered. On the other hand, that’s often all that’s needed.

    Unfortunately, the most useful thing for Chase is also the most difficult–to forgive Jayne–not for her, sake but for his. As you and I have talked about before in different contexts, the only person you have any chance of controlling and making choices for is yourself. To quote a song, “This is where the healing begins.” I hope he’s able to make that choice and, with friendships, grow and move on.

    janet

    Like

    • Dear Janet,
      Thanks for your intuiting my intent. 😉 As we both know some online friendships are more up close and personal than physical ones. Even as I’m replying to your lovely comments I find myself backspacing several times in an attempt to convey the right message. Thanks for your friendship, Mrs. Tea. Shows how online can grow into something more immediate.
      Blessings and Shalom,
      Rochelle

      Like

  • My heart is sooo heavy this week with the news of my Fatherinlaws Cancer diagnosis that I’m not sure how I’m going to respond to this picture. Your story says sooo much. It’s sooo powerful. I’ll go give it a go…

    Like

  • This is wonderful Rochelle. Much feeling is clearly expressed, but what I really liked was the clever way that you made the reader aware of the power of online chatting with friends across the miles from one another. a testament to our ability to emotionally connect with one another online! Great piece. Penny 🙂

    Like

  • I really enjoyed this- very moving. But if you’re not careful, I’m going to suspect you of conducting an online romance of your own, Rochelle. If so, your bonus word could simply be “Aloha”. 😉

    Like

    • Dear Sandra,
      The tapestry of our lives never ceases to amaze me. People and creatures weave in and out leaving beautiful designs in our hearts. Often the threads are imported from unexpected places.
      Thank you for your sweet comments.
      shalom,
      Rochelle

      Like

    • Dear Atiya,
      If I’ve learned one thing in life it’s that a friend just being there with no words at all is the best thing. Of course it’s more of a challenge with an online conversation when you can’t see the other person’s expression.
      shalom,
      Rochelle

      Like

  • Everyone needs a friend like Amelia. What a loving heart. Even half way around the world she provided a shoulder. A very emotional and beautifully written piece.

    this was a difficult prompt for me. It’s going to be interesting to what the horse lovers have to say about mine 🙂

    Like

  • Such a good story. I’m thankful to have a friend or two like Amelia. Why is it that the friends that let us silently fall apart are ultimately the ones that restore our souls?

    Like

  • This was a touching story, Rochelle. So often we don’t know what to say and rather than say something ‘stupid’ we err on the side of caution. Two very powerful words, “I’m here”, are.

    Like

  • I’m so late to the game this week. And the only things coming to mind are single lines like “does that pony do any OTHER tricks” or something like “after such a long journey, thru a desert even, nothin to do but talk, and you still can’t tell me what his name is?” I will attempt coming back to read, should time permit.

    Peace.

    Like

  • She typed and backspaced over at least a hundred shallow words of comfort before proffering only two.

    Couldn’t have put it better. Loved this story.

    Like

  • Rochelle,
    Last week you got me and this week as well. This is my favorite of yours…last week is now number 2. Now the whole story was well… excellent and spot on like you normally are but these two words (and the two words are not “I’m here”) are just brilliant.

    I love when someone puts two words together, two simple words and they paint an instant image in your head.”I’m Here” was a nice touch but….”printed voice” …man that’s just poetry, that’s the perfect way to describe someone you communicate with through type chatting. I think that it’s brilliant…can I say it again…BRILLIANT!

    Tom

    Like

  • Rochelle… when I saw Doug’s photo, I thought… ‘Hmmm… what’s Rochelle going to do with this one… The Horse is HorseMeat! It’s a Drought and the Crops are Dead!’

    Nicely layered piece.

    Like

  • Very nice. Particularly impressive is to create such a realistic, plangent scene within the 100 word limit. We are taken into it, observing and involved at the same time, but in only 100 words. This is an outstanding piece.

    Like

  • Dear Rochelle
    I loved the line …backspaced over at least a hundred shallow words of comfort… so true to life, how often do we search for the right words of compassion in a situation like this and often fail miserably.
    Great relationships going on in this story, loved it
    Dee

    Like

  • I related to the backspace key bit too. Trying to teach myself to use it more often. And wish I could backspace over my mouth.

    You have a huge gift for conveying feeling in few and apt words, like in this good application of personification:

    ‘Amelia’s screen blurred.’

    “No big deal.” Don’t know what this device is called, but it’s obvious your character’s writing the opposite of what’s going on. And it also serves to characterise Jayne, maybe, as a not quite nice character.

    Thanks for the good read.

    Ann

    Like

    • Dear Ann,
      I know what you mean about backspacing over your mouth. That comment has me rolling.
      Chase is in denial, when he says “No big deal.” He makes light of it to keep Amelia from knowing how badly he’s hurting.
      Anyway, I’m so glad you liked it and thank you for dropping by with your comments.
      shalom,
      Rochelle

      Like

      • I like this: “Rochelle made her entrance into the world the same year her parents purchased their first car.”

        For the record, I made my entrance into the world six months after my parents married.

        Where’s the backspace key?

        🙂

        Like

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