- WELCOME TO FRIDAY FICTIONEERS.
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As always, writers are encouraged to be as innovative as possible with the prompt and 100 word constraints.
Henry David Thoreau said it best.
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
THE CHALLENGE:
Write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.)
THE KEY:
Make every word count.
THE RULES:
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My story follows the photo and link tool. I enjoy honest comments and welcome constructive criticism. 
- Shalom,
Rochelle
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Copyright – Sean Fallon
Genre: Literary Fiction
Word Count: 100
REVISIONS
“Goodbye, wrinkles.” Cynthia glared at her reflection.
After forty years of marriage, seeing her trim figure clad in a clingy silk nightgown still excited Lester. She slipped into bed and snuggled against him.
“Don’t do it, Cynthia.” He curved his arm around her slender shoulders and reveled in her perfume’s scent. “Please.”
“I’ll be gorgeous again.” Her lips, as she whispered, tickled his ear.
A week later, the surgeon’s mumbled apologies filled Lester’s dismayed mind like ashes blowing across a deserted cemetery.
“Internal bleeding…respiratory failure…cardiac arrest.”
In his empty bed that night, Lester caressed her fragrant nightgown.
“Goodbye, Gorgeous.”
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple 
Excellent, totally chilling Rochelle. I loved the analogy of ashes blowing through a deserted cemetery… so effective in its sense of pointless desolation. Well done.
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Dear Sandra,
Thank you for your warm comments on my chilling story. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I can’t remember which writer said ‘if you want to write big stories you must choose big topics’ but you nail that arena every time -another big topic, dealt with a blow! You can feel what she felt she lost, despite her partner’s words and unfortunate restraint.We know what our partners feel…
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Dear Managua,
As a woman of a certain age, it’s hard to look in the mirror and wonder what happened to the smooth-skinned teenager. We’re always hardest on ourselves. However, I’ve also noticed that people in the media who’ve had work done look artificial.
Thank you for your affirming comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I totally agree with you there. Media women especially look too perfect for my tastes. Difficult to relate on a more substantive level.
You continue to have a way with words that reflect a certain level of mastery I’m not certain I’ll ever acquire. You continue to inspire…hugs!
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Chilling and sad..it is sometimes very difficult to accept ourselves as others see us.
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Dear Patricia,
the only thing I can add to that is thank you for dropping by. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Although I wouldn’t ever go under the surgeon’s knife, there’s a beautifully written lesson in your story for us all – to be happy with what we’ve got, especially if someone else loves it, with all the flaws.
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Dear Claire,
That’s one tough lesson to learn, isn’t it? It took me 30 years to make peace with my curly hair and a few other things that I viewed as flaws. I’m blessed to have a husband who loves me just the way I am.
Thank you for dropping by with your comments.
shalom,
Rochelle
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It took me longer than that to make peace with curly hair. We are our own worst enemy sometimes. We forget others don’t notice the outward person as much as we might think. Sad story. 😦
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Rochelle, a perfect illustration of beauty being in the eye (and heart) of the beholder and, too often, not believed by the beautiful. I, too, am fortunate to have a husband who still in the most important ways sees me as I used to be and loves me anyway. 🙂
janet
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Dear Janet,
I’m happy that we both have husbands who are in it for the long haul and love us no matter what. I consider myself fortunate. He’s seen me at my worst and still says he loves me best ;).
Thank you for your kind comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
PS Now that we’ve met person to person, it will never be the same 😉 So happy to have spent an evening of “Remote Control Wars” with you.
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So true that it will never be the same…and that’s good. Glad the war was finally won, even if we had to delegate to win it. What did you think of “Red?”
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Loved it. Can’t wait to see Red 2. At least next time you come (notice I said next time) I’ll know how to work the DVD player.
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Can’t wait. 🙂
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What a brilliant use of the prompt. How sad that she couldn’t see herself through her husband’s eyes and embrace her beauty. It is so difficult, this aging thing, in our society.
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Dear Denmother,
I detest the term “aging isn’t for sissies”. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have courage. It’s a fact of life. Either you age or you die. It’s a pity that there’s so much emphasis on youth and beauty.
Thank you for your kind and insightful words.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, this is so heartbreaking. I wouldn’t blame the women, but the fact that it was elective surgery makes it even more tragic, in my mind. You did an amazing job conveying the tone, every word in the perfect place.
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Dear David,
While most come out of cosmetic surgery alive and transformed (not always for the better), things happen.
Thank you for dropping by with your kind words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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so many layers, lessons and emotions in this wonderful story. At times, I’d think about it; I mean everybody’s doing it. But I’m lucky to have people who’d try to stop me just in case. like ashes blowing across a deserted cemetery, I like that a lot, too 🙂 I second pirate’s comment; your stories are always big and masterfully crafted.
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Dear KZ,
I can’t see where you’d need it. 😉 Thank you for your kind words on my story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It’s amazing how little we can sometimes value the opinions of those we care about, whilst doing all we can to appease the strangers whose work is to commodify beauty.
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Well put, Miss KZebra. Thank you for dropping by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Poor Lester. She should have listened to him.
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True that, Adam. I think Lester not only loved Cynthia as she was, but might have had some kind of sixth sense as to the outcome.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Why do we worry about all the wrong things, Rochelle? My heart aches for Lester – your story has done its job, and some!
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Dear Jen,
Good question. Your comments make me smile and warm me on a frigid morning.
shalom,
Rochelle
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An excellent piece of writing — the line about ashes blowing across the cemetery stuck with me, too.
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Dear H. Ken,
Thank you for such a high compliment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It’s impressive how much you are consistently able to give us in so few words, Rochelle.
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Dear Madison,
It means a lot to me for you to say so. I’d never have challenged myself this way if I hadn’t run across your OWL FB post in April 2012. Thank you and…
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ohhhh. That is a real horror story. And it is true. These awful things do happen when all we want is some innocent little change. A nose job, a little oral surgery, the devil of chance is waiting to pull the earth out from under us, so it can cover us with earth instead!
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Dear Lindaura,
Unfortunately, this is based on some true stories. And it could be any surgery that involves general anesthesia. My father in law went in for a routine procedure several years ago. Our final goodbye came the next day.
We are fragile creatures. Thank you for commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh Rochelle,
This was haunting. The ashes across the cemetery and her lingering scent. I thought perhaps I could smell it. Well written. She should have left well enough alone.~Dana
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Dear Dana,
Olfactory is a most powerful sense among our five. I’m pleased that you sniffed out my story. Thank you for your comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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A very sad tale. I choose wrinkles!
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Dear Joe,
Vanity. All is vanity. Wrinkles would’ve been the better choice for Cynthia. 😉
Thank you for visiting.
shalom,
Rochelle
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I agree!
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So sad, but with a lesson for us. Beautifully written, with wonderful imagery. I liked the perfume which clung to her at the beginning, but only clung to her nightgown once she was gone.
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Dear Draliman,
Glad you liked the story. Thank you for your sweet scented comments.
shalom,
Rochelle
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You’ve powerfully evoked the senseless tragedy of this situation, Rochelle. Very moving to leave him clutching the empty nightgown. This story will haunt me for days. I love stories that can do that. Thanks, Karen
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Dear Karen,
Not that I would want you to be haunted, but you couldn’t pay me a higher compliment. Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Nothing to say that hasn’t been said. Thanks for the entertainment.
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Dear Dawn,
Thank you and you’re welcome.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This is so sad.. so meaningless and what a loss…so well told with just a few words. As usual
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a very good story.. .. sorry for dividing it into two comments..
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Dear Björn,
Thank you for your comments, parts 1 and 2. 😉
shalom,
Rochelle
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So sad, and such a needless death. Yet again Rochelle, you make every word count.
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Thank you, Steve.
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Makes me very angry (puff, puff, puff) very angry indeed! What a stupid lady! And he gets left with the nightgown. SUCKS!!!
Can you tell you struck a nerve with me? 😉 Teeeee-RIFFIC!
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Mission accomplished! Thank you, Kent.
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So sad, so useless. It’s that old story of “when you’ve got a good thing going, don’t mess with it”. Well told, Rochelle.
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Dear VB,
Good advice. Some of the results of face lifts and (horrors) botox that I’ve seen among the rich and famous are tragedies. Thank you for coming by and commenting. Always appreciated.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh, how sad that we can convince ourselves to be unhappy. A very powerful message, Rochelle.
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Dear Jan,
As the old cliche goes, we tend to be our own worst enemy. At least in my own life I find this to be true. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Way to go, Rochelle. Good story.
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Thank you, Ted.
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What a beautiful writer you are Rochelle! This is stunning. The entire story in so few words, leaves me stunned and thinking. Brilliant! Shalom, Dawn
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Dear Dawn,
Your comment leaves me stunned and at a loss for words, so I’ll used the two best ones I can come up with. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Well-crafted, Rochelle. So sad all that’s left is a nightgown. Too bad he cannot turn back the clock. I like the direction you took this one.
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Dear Amy,
If only she had listened will forever be on his heart and mind. Thank you for your compliments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, this one sliced right through me. You have a way of doing that. Terrific!
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Thank you, Honie. coming from you that’s huge.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Hi Rochelle,
Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. I don’t know if you intended this to be a comment on this era of rampant cosmetic surgery, but that’s what I took away from it. There are some nicely turned phrases here, especially the simile with the ashes and the doctor’s words. Great writing. Ron
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Dear Ron,
That’s exactly what I meant. I saw the mannequin and my mind went straightaway to bizarre outcomes of some cosmetic surgeries.Thank you for your comments and compliments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You eloquently make a really good point in your story. It does all boil down to accepting and loving ourselves. It’s really sad that women do die getting plastic surgery or have some horrible nightmare result. I’ll never forget the story I saw about a woman who had a face lift and they hit a nerve and now she’ll be in horrendous pain for the rest of her life. And I do think that plastic surgery doesn’t make anybody look young, it just makes them look old –with a face lift.
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Dear Linda,
Your comments are much appreciated. It seems that more and more the results of plastic surgery in the media are more and more macabre. I could name them, but we pretty much know who they are. And then, of course there are those “freak accidents” like the one you mentioned or worse, death.
Thank you and Shalom,
Rochelle
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Well done. Stabbed me in the heart for sure!
Regards
Jim
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Dear Jim,
That’s the only way I ever want to stab someone. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, you have become a master of the macabre ending! You always manage to shock me !!!!
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Dear Valerie,
I have a friend that adds an O’ to the front of my name. I was and am a big fan of O’Henry so guess I emulate him whenever possible. I hope this means you liked my story. Your comments are something very special to me.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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No matter what is seen in the mirror it’s the person behind the eyes on which beauty should be merited. Lester was spot on with what he saw.
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Dear Mike,
I wonder what would happen if people saw themselves through their loved ones’ eyes. Thanks for commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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A tragic tale, with the love already in their long marriage and that the surgery was needed only in her eyes, not in her husband’s. You set up this story skillfully, the echoes of “Goodbye” and the sharp image of the ashes blowing across a deserted cemetary. Brilliantly written.
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Dear Dave,
Your comments make me blush. You’re very kind.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Totally loved this. More than congratulations, I suppose thank you is more apropos.
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And I thank you, Francis. 😉
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Poor Lester. At least the insurance was paid up. Wasn’t it? I could have swore the surgeon tossed Lester a little wink.
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Dear JK,
No doubt if you’d written this story…;) Thank you for coming by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Excellent story Rochelle, though frightening . This is what happens if one does not accept reality. You write very well.
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Dear Indira,
It is one of those things that can happen. I read of two such stories before writing mine…only the other two were news articles. Thank you.
Shalom.
Rochelle
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Very, very well done, Rochelle. The beauty and joy of the love relationship between them played against the heartbreaking disaster of her decision makes the truth you’re relating even more horrific. Yet you tell it so sweetly that the reader is drawn in and can’t stop reading until he’s face to face with the truth that the lies of this world will destroy us.
Excellent writing!
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Dear Sandra,
I only hope my writing measures up to your jaw dropping compliments. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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it was worth the risk for vanity’s sake. think of it this way, if she didn’t do it, she’d regret it the rest of her life.
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dear paridel,
that’s a possibility and a different perspective. i wonder if lester would agree. thanks for dropping by.
shalom,
rochelle
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“Like ashes blowing across a deserted cemetery…” stopped my heart. Very nice.
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Thank you, Lisa.
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This could almost be chalked up to hubris, but certainly it is tragic. This type of bitterness isn’t usually your cup of tea, darling, and I admit I’m surprised by this story. That is, this seems like a different kind of sad story that you often tell. As always, I am impressed by your versatility in storytelling. I’d never dream of predicting either the subject matter or tone of your entries.
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Dear Helena,
In these short short stories, I enjoy experimentation. Your comment is affirming and I thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Paula,
The best thing you can do for a woman like that is get rid of all the mirrors. Either that or she can become a vampire and never age. There, I came up with 2 solutions that would have prevented her early demise. Aren’t you proud of me?
respectfully – Mann E. Ken
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Dear Mann,
I’m not sure why, but your thrice-made comments went to my spam folder. Good thing I check that on a regular basis. Most of the spam messages are in Japanese or Chinese, so I knew this wasn’t that.
Thank you for your suggestions. I’ll take them under advisement if I write another story like this one.
Shalom,
Paula
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So, even software programs have enough smarts to decipher my writing as junk and send it straight to the spam folder. There may be a story in there somewhere. Thank you for recognizing that my gibberish comments weren’t Chinese and rescuing them from the trash can.
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oh, poor dear. poor him too. the heartbreak.
suggestion – this line – “A week later, like ashes blowing across a deserted cemetery, the surgeon’s mumbled apologies filled Lester’s dismayed mind.” consider rephrasing it so the “ashes blowing across a deserted cemetery” is at the end. more powerful if it’s at the end. maybe something like, “A week later, the surgeon’s mumbled apologies filled Lester’s dismayed mind like ashes blowing through a deserted cemetery.”
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Dear Rich,
Don’t see you much in these parts. Thanks for commenting and suggesting. I’ll have to think about this one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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And in looking and thinking, I see that you’re right, Rich. The sentence has changed. Thank you. 😉
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Oh so sad! Sometimes it’s best to be happy with what you’ve got. Poor man. A beautiful story as always, Rochelle!
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Dear E. A.
Thank you for your comments and compliments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Wow…splendid write…but so very sad.
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Thank you, Georgia.
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Excellent, Rochelle – looks like we were on a similar wavelength with our stories this week. Beautiful imagery in the “ashes” line. I also really like the last line being a partial echo of the first.
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Dear Joanna,
Yes, we did take a similar route. I’m happy you caught that echo. Thank you for your kind words.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Ooh, shivers. Should make anyone think twice about plastic surgery.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/a-conversation-at-the-site-of-jennifer-juniors/
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Dear Maggie,
Those tragic accidents do happen. Shivers work for me. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle.
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That’s so very sad, and yet happens all the time. People forget the huge risks of surgery, anaesthesia, just to attain that ‘thing’ that they think they want. Wonderful writing.
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Dear Freya,
It does happen. Thank you for commenting.
shalom,
Rochelle
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As I look in the mirror everyday and see the wrinkles and silver hair I just thank whatever powers that be that I’m still alive to see them. I at one time thought I never would. I’ll take the mirrored image anyday over the surgical knife. Well done as always Rochelle. A little sad, a little foreboding, and always great.
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Dear Jackie,
You have a good perspective. Thank you for coming by with words of wisdom.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Going over to part 2!
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Sorry, Jules. I didn’t mean to mislead. 😉
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Wonderful writing as always.
AnElephant loves your work.
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I’m most appreciative of AnElephant’s kind words.
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Now, there’s terror. And regret. And grief. And so well told.
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Thank you, Sharon.
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Oh mirror mirror on the wall. Why oh why are we women buying into the idea that we should we edit out our personalities and life histories? Anyway, my husband says he’d kill me if I had cosmetic surgery. So I’d die either way. I like : ‘like ashes blowing across a deserted cemetery’. Very topical and tragic story, telling it like it is. Ann
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Dear Ann,
I don’t think my husband would be too keen on the idea of my having a face lift. I’ll just keep it the way it is. Anymore, not only are women buying into it, so are men. Some horrifying results walking around out there.
Thank you for your comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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True. Talk here is about anorexia as also a man’s problem. Ann
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Another fatality, this time undeserved and with a clear message on what is important in life. I am amazed on what can be done in 100 words every week, but this is taking it to new heights!
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Dear Ingmar,
Thank you for your warm and kind words.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Great story. So well told!
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Thank you, Emmy.
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Your story ‘Rochelle gave me chills..I could feel her strong desire to lose the signs and aging..so difficult in our society for women to cope with. More intently I felt his loss especially because she did not understand that to Lester she was still young and beautiful. great write
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Dear Paints,
It’s gratifying for me as an author to read that my story evoked such emotion. Thank you for dropping by to read and comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Fab twist. Great interpretation.
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Thank you Etienne, But I’m wondering if you meant to comment on this story from November or the one I just posted. Either way…thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Actually, I didn’t check the date. For some reason, if I search, it always throws up an old page at the top of the list. The story seemed to fit the picture, anyway.
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I’ll accept that.
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