12 December 2014

Published December 10, 2014 by rochellewisoff

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FIC

FF copyright banner finalThe following photo is this week’s PROMPT.  What stands out? What type of story does it tell you? Tell us in a hundred words or less. 

My story comes after the prompt and the blue inLinkz frog. I appreciate honest comments and crit. The artwork afterward is original and used for the sole purpose of illustrating my story. Permission required to use it. Thank you and shalom.   

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Genre: Memoir

Word Count: 100

GRACE

            In the midst of running, swimming and daily calisthenics, all at a frenetic pace, I fantasized about onion rings and fried chicken. Low numbers were all that mattered. One hundred calories per meal. Twenty pink pills to purge them. The scale hovered between eighty-five and eighty-four. 

            “You like my new jeans?” I asked my friend Linda. “I can’t believe they fit.”

            “What size?” Her ice-blue gaze met mine.  

            “Zero.”

            “You’ll look nice in your child-size coffin.”

__________

            Now I run and swim at a comfortable pace and not a day goes by that I don’t thank Linda for my life.

 

Author’s Note: After I made the difficult decision to move on, Linda and I tossed those skinny jeans down the trash compactor in the backroom of our store. I don’t tell this to garner sympathy. It’s something I went through and have conquered with the help of excellent therapy and good friends. Life is all grist for the mill, isn’t it? 

 

Mermaid

112 comments on “12 December 2014”

    • Dear Archon,

      I can’t say that my story was as simple as that but you know how it is with a hundred words. ) My doctor once told me I was going to end up dead on the bathroom floor like Karen Carpenter. That woke me up…for about a week. Unfortunately I had to hit rock bottom and be faced with my own mortality. But that’s another story.

      Nonetheless I’m grateful for a friend like Linda.

      Thank you.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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  • Rochelle, I thought it was fiction until I read your added comment and went back to read the genre statement. Glad you listened to your friend and you’re still with us healthy, happy, and creating talented writing and art. Thank you for sharing. 🙂 — Susan

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    • Dear Susan,

      The thought occurred to me as this went live yesterday that perhaps I should’ve made it fiction. I suddenly felt undressed and questioned whether or not I did the right thing in sharing.

      Thank you for your kind, affirming words.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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  • Beautiful artwork and a great story. You are indeed the double whammy. I loved the way you created the persona of Linda with just those simple words ‘her ice-blue gaze met mine’ and then the killer line. Many of us have needed a Linda in our lives at one time or another. Well done Rochelle!

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    • Dear Sandra,

      If you ever met Linda you’d see what I meant by ice-blue. And she’s a no-nonsense kind of person who never put up with my bullshit. For that I’m grateful.

      Glad you liked the story and the artwork. Thank you for such wonderful and reassuring comments.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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  • Firstly – the mermaid art is great.

    And your autobiographical story worked well – nicely told (and thanks for the post script – I couldn’t make the leap from the prompt to the story without it!).
    Cheers
    KT:)

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    • Dear KT,

      My mind went this-wise: sticks…Twiggy…skinny…my bout with anorexia. Bam! There’s the story, with Linda’s support and permission I might add. No names have been changed to protect the guilty 😉

      Glad you liked both story and artwork.

      Thank you.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Liked by 1 person

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    • Dear Randy,

      Indeed. The reality of death staring me in the face was sobering. It’s a decision. I’ve known some to decided the other say. Very sad. I can honestly say that I’m happy to be alive.

      Thank you for your kind words.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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  • Dear Rochelle,

    I’ve heard it said that the cream rises to the top….and rots. You did things differently in your life, spending time below the surface, thrashing, suffering, learning and finally, rising and blessing us with your two gifts.

    I am glad your track and field career has ended abruptly. I know your hands will still wrap around an imaginary fiberglass pole and your feet will twitch as your phantom takeoff run starts. Resist these moments. Remember who you are. And please keep baring your soul to your growing roster of readers. it is good for us…and you.

    Irmgard Likes Yodeling.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    • Dear Doug,

      No one turns a phrase or a pole quite the way you do, my dear friend. Thrashing is a good way to put it. Glad that part of my life is over and that the many pathways converged until I asked Madison how to get involved in Friday Fictioneers. If only I’d known then…nah, I wouldn’t change a thing.

      I Like Yodeling, Too.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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  • This was a difficult time in our lives but, we won and moved on. Sometimes we must stay in the fire a while to be refined. Those days caused you to create a platform for your feelings in your art and stories even in those days. Look what the outcome was……wonderful. And how refined you have become.

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    • Dear Alicia,

      Fortunately for me, Linda, as she put it, a crusty old broad who never let me get away with anything. She always saw through me and pointed out my lies, even though I believed them to be true.

      Thank you.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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    • Dear Marie Gail,

      I’ve felt particularly vulnerable this week and questioned whether or not I should leave it up. By then it was already posted and too late. I suppose I could have billed it as fiction, left off the author’s note and no one would’ve been the wiser.

      Thank you for your affirming comments and hugs that I’m lucky enough to receive in person.

      shalom,

      Rochelle

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      • Dear Rochelle,
        There is a time for everything, and I’m glad you left this one despite the vulnerable position in which it leaves you. Survivors like you and me can provide hope for others–a kind of hope that only those who have lived through this specific type of hell can provide. It often surprises me when the memories and triggers come these days, but the comfort is that they come so much less frequently now.

        More love and hugs,
        Marie Gail

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  • Well done, Linda, and well done you for having the courage to listen. It saddens me how many people and industries have taken the “slim is healthy” lesson and turned it into “slimmer is healthier” in its extremes. I’ve been (a little) under and (a little) over, and was definitely healthier at the larger end of that scale.
    Beautifully written, and exquisitely illustrated, as ever.

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    • Dear Jennifer,

      I was anything but healthy in those days although I’d convinced myself that I was. How could I not be when I exercised for hours a day and ate no fat?

      When finally faced with my own mortality I was fortunate to have a friend like Linda. And I use her real name with permission.

      I’m healthy these days and am quite comfortable in my own skin even though it took me years to get here.

      Thank you for your kind words.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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    • Dear Patrick,

      Alas onion rings and fried chicken are still not part of my diet. But it’s for health reasons now and not for the purpose of losing weight.

      Telling the tale wasn’t nearly as tough as sharing it. I hope that makes sense. I could’ve billed it as fiction…but…seemed like the right time to say it.

      Linda read it and smiled and, I think, cried, too. Hard to tell via the internet since we’re not hundreds of miles apart.

      Thank you.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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    • Dear Liz,

      One of the things I learned in treatment and, later, though experience is that the more you expose the beast, the less power it has. There was a time I couldn’t have told these stories, now I can without pain. That’s healing. I’m grateful for every day.

      Thank you on all counts.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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    • Dear Hilary,

      Linda is a special lady. She refers to herself as a crusty old broad, but underneath she’s soft and warm. She always saw through my lies and never let me get away with anything.

      I’m glad you like my story and my mermaid.

      Thank you for coming by.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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  • As always, you bring something special to each piece, Rochelle– whether it’s your history, or someone else’s. I worked as a therapist on an inpatient eating disorders unit for 2 years. I’m so grateful that your friend helped you see a different way, before it was too late. This is far too common, but often does not end this well. Beautiful writing and sharing. Thanks for making yourself vulnerable!

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    • Dear Dawn,

      Vulnerable is indeed the word. When this story went live yesterday I was seized with the desire to pull it. I suddenly felt like I was walking a tightrope in the nude. I mean I could’ve billed this as fiction and no one would’ve been the wiser. Right? And I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me because I’m not there anymore. Haven’t been for some time. The fact is that I’m comfortable in my own skin and have a decent relationship with food.

      I, too, have personally known those who couldn’t recover. Tragic. For me, it was the moment of truth when I passed out in a store and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. But that’s another story, isn’t it?

      Thank you for commenting and completely understanding.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Sometimes, walking naked before our friends (and a few strangers) is the best way to continue our journey in healing. I really get this, and while I often put very vulnerable, raw stuff out there, just as often, I want to grab it back and hide. I really appreciate you taking the chance, Rochelle. xox

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  • Maybe asking for attention is a way of reaching out for help. I’m glad Linda was there to offer her hand. The jeans served their purpose and were ready to be tossed!
    Speaks to so many and offers such hope…
    Ellespeth

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    • Dear Ellespeth,

      Tossing those jeans…that was kind of tough. At the time I really didn’t want to, but am now glad I did.

      If my telling this story gives someone else hope that my mission’s accomplished. 😉

      Thank you.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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  • Your story was very impactful! It said so much with a few words. Your history comment helped me understand it. Thank you. I am hoping to contribute to Friday Fictioneers this week (even though I am not a good writer). I have joined inLinkz for the first time and it seems very confusing. If you can give me some pointers, I would appreciate it. Hope you don’t mind me joining!

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  • Believe it or not, I used to be skinny. But then I discovered beer. I can’t say it saved my life, but we have spent a lot of time together building this roll around my waist.

    Kudos on a great story and thanks for sharing the beautiful artwork.

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  • For a while, I dealt with some version of anorexia, at which point zero was too big on me, but it had less to do with body image and everything to do with recovery from abuse/serious depression issues. I didn’t care how I looked, and I didn’t see myself as worthy of food. My now husband and his family were a massive help. I still have trouble wanting to eat sometimes (though now it has more to do with not wanting to do the dishes/cook), but I’m finally at a healthier weight. For the most part, I’m pretty comfortable with who I am now, and I know I’m worthy of basic survival needs.

    However, my sister suffered from bulemia due to body image problems. We nearly lost her a couple of times, but she’s survived, was recently married and is now a pretty healthy person. I’m very proud of both her and you for getting through those difficult times.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

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    • Dear Emilie,,

      Thank you for sharing your story. And I relate to much of what you’re saying. A hundred words isn’t enough to share the whole picture. A lot of my disorder had to do with depression and abuse issues. The flashbacks started when I was in my late 30’s.

      I had to come to terms with my buried past that was causing me to want to check out of my present. I, too, felt worthless and hopeless and starving seemed an acceptable way to end it all.

      Even now, the first thing that goes when I’m really down is my appetite. And to top it off my diet is restricted for health reasons.

      At any rate, I’m fortunate to be alive and healthy.

      Thank you for your comments.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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      • Hi Rochelle,

        Any time. 🙂 I have the same issue with losing my appetite when stressed or unhappy. I feel you on the diet restrictions, too. I guess we just keep going, regardless of what happens.

        Take care,
        Emilie

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  • Thanks for sharing your story, Rochelle. I’m glad Linda could help you through that dark time. You now have the experience to help others who suffer. I had a bit of this as a gymnast and dancer. My weight was always on my mind. And swimming. Yay, for swimming!

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    • Dear Amy,

      One of my roommates inpatient was a gymnast. Alas, her story had a sad ending. She went from 100 lbs of solid muscle to 45 lbs at her lowest. A story that made national news back in the 90’s after she succumbed.

      I’m fortunate in having friends like Linda who wouldn’t let me step over that imaginary line to the place of no return. As you know, though, the ultimate choice to live was mine. (And I would’ve missed out on Friday Fictioneers.)

      Since I’ve been ill this past week, I’m champing at the bit to go swimming this morning. 😉

      Thank you for commenting, Amy.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle .

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  • Rochelle, thanks for taking the time to write me about the prompts and blogs. I will be honest-I never learned how to use the reader to look up a certain writer-used to, I could look up the blogs I follow and it would list thwm, now, if I try to simply press “edit’ like u used to, it starts taking my blogs I follow away. I looked on the ffeedly site and marked the ppage. i always look at your blogs when they come up, , which is quite ofen. I haven’t done blogs as much as I used to. When all you have is memories, it gets difficult to make interresting writing from them. That is why I liked the really provocative prompts, they got my mind to working. Since I love to read, a prompt might remind me of something I rread and let my mind wander from therre. Any tips, like you gave me this time are appreciated.

    If you see any promps or do any promps, forward them to me! Thanks for caring. Brenda

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  • Rochelle, it has been a long time since I have done a prompt and the “linky” wouldnt takee my new password because it was “connected to another password. How can I get back my old password or sign up some other way

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    • Dear Brenda,

      It’s good to see you back. I’m not sure what to tell you on the inLinkz. I’ve never had to have a password to link. Although, from what I understand there have been some new developments if you want to share the linkz code. The only thing I know to tell you is that you’ll need to email inLinkz support.

      I can help you link if need be.

      You must’ve followed my blog and getting notifications in your emails. .I’m glad this has been an encouragement. I have thought about you and wondered how you were doing. I look forward to your participation again.

      shalom,

      Rochelle

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    • Dear Elephant,

      No intrusion. I really can’t answer that question for everyone. I get a lot of spam that goes to my folder but I haven’t had any comments go there recently. I have a comment that came to my page that I think is spam, though.

      Sorry I can’t helpe you.

      Shalom,

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  • I`m so glad this turned into a happy ending…such a difficult hurdle too many struggle with. Working with teens and yound adults I scratch my head too often trying to find a word…phrase that can turn to `living` and admiring health rather than a size, My mother struggled all her life with an eating disorder…thank goodness I loved to eat too much and refused to follow her unhealthy habits

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  • Dear Oliana,

    I’m so glad you managed to avoid your mother’s problem. My sons had a rough time standing by and I still feel twinges of guilt for what I put them and my husband (and friends) through.

    Of course it goes deeper than body image even thought that’s usually the jumping off point.

    BTW eating is good. 😉

    Thank you and Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  • That was a punch in the solar plexus! Beautifully written, very stark and quite revealing. Thank you for sharing what must have been an extremely painful and traumatic time.
    (Sorry I missed both this prompt and the following one! Plan to be back this week!)

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    • Dear Vijaya,

      It was a very dark time and I’m happy to be able to say it’s behind me.

      Not to worry about missing (and you were missed). Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

      Thank you for coming by and commenting.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Liked by 1 person

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