FRIDAY FICTION CONCRIT SUBGROUP
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The next photo is the PHOTO PROMPT. Where does it take you? Tell us in one hundred words or less.
PHOTO PROMPT © Melanie Greenwood
Genre: Realistic Fiction
Word Count: 100
ALTERNATE FLIGHT
“Sorry, Miss, your flight’s been cancelled,” says the airline rep with a wheeze in her voice.
“My boyfriend’s got reservations for our bistro and I’m sure he’s going to pop the question tonight and I have to—”
“Young love will have to go on standby, dearie.” She squints at me through horn-rimmed glasses.
Teeth grinding, I pace in front of the window as snow covers the tarmac.
I plop down in a chair.
My iPhone chimes.
“It’s over. Marrying Patricia. Safe travels. Eugene.”
It’s snowing harder. I read his text three more times and grin with relief. Lovely weather.
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple 
Giving in to the coldness?
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Dear Adam,
And relieved that she’s not the one who turned him down.
Sorry it wasn’t clearer.
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Dear Rochelle,
Okay. 🙂
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Dear Rochelle,
Such a coward, this Eugene. He really took the easy way out. She seems relieved. Lucky her.
Best wishes,
Helene
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Dear Helene,
You got it! That’s exactly what happened. She was set to turn him down.
Thank you and Shalom,
Rochelle
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Why is she happy? I’m not quite getting this one I think Rochelle.
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Dear Louise,
I’ve gone back and tweaked it a bit. I hope it helps. She wanted to get home to turn him down in person. That’s why she’s happy. Sorry it wasn’t clear. Perhaps I dashed this one off too fast.
Thank you for commenting in any case. 😉 Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ah I see. Glad she knows she’s better off without him.
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Nice writing, but is she happy because she thinks it’s a lucky escape, or have I missed something?
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Dear Claire,
That’s exactly it. You haven’t missed a thing. I may have dashed this one off too quickly in the heat of writing a novel sequel. Who thought “retirement” would be so busy?
I’ve gone back and done a bit of tweaking. I hope it helps.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Glad I got it right, but the ‘with relief’ just makes it completely clear. Lovely story
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I’m always willing to tweak when I agree with crit. Thank you.
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I got it, though I did ponder the urgency in her part of the dialogue about having to be there. I feel good for her though – that’s a scene best left unplayed. Nice twist, you’ve lost none of your panache over the festive period.
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Dear Sandra,
I needed the reassurance. 😉 As I said I did tweak it a bit so I don’t know if your read before or after the fact. I think her urgency was getting there to head him off at the pass, not wanting to take his chicken way out via text.
Thank you and Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ah, young love! So tragic and so easily forgotten. Those were the days. 😀 Cleverly layed out, from initial rush to the relief at the end. Nicely done, Rochelle.
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Dear Loré,
I grin with relief, too. 😀 I’m glad you followed the story from beginning to end.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I didn’t get it the way you meant it apparently (after reading the comments)–but I got *it* anyway and it gave me a good laugh. I thought she might have accepted just because (long time together, sorry for the guy, all the wrong reasons) and now is relieved that he called it off. I loved it.
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Dear GAH,
Phew! I’m glad we got that straightened out. 😉 I’m pleased that after all that you can still say you love it. Thank you for being honest.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Great voice here, Rochelle, tells the tale so well.
I love how you describe the end of a love affair, as he unwittingly lets her off the hook.
Beautifully done.
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Dear CE,
Your affirming words warm me on this gray and icy day. I’m sure Eugene thinks he’s the one in control here. All’s well that ends well.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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With a guy like Eugene she would have been a miserable wife – great as always.
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Dear Björn,
I think she’d already come to that realization.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I love the twist on this one. Lucky her.
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Unexpected twist in the end. Nice one. A long story cut short. It is amazing.
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Dear Jahnavi,
And a wrong relationship cut even shorter. 😉
Thank you for such kind words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Is this worse than breaking off by Post-It (for those Sex and the City fans…)
I love how the buildup goes in one direction yet twists so perfectly! Taking lessons from C.E.?
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Dear Dale,
As I’ve never watched Sex ad the City, your first comment went right over my head. (and it doesn’t have fly very high, does it? 😉 )
Lessons from C.E.? Are you familiar with O. Henry. When I first started in FF most of my stories had a twist. A friend of mine took to calling me “O. Roach.”
Thank you coming by. I always enjoy your company.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ha ha…well in SATC, a guy breaks up with a main character via post-it left on her computer.
Alrighty then…y’know, I’ve not been with FF for a whole year yet! Though in March (!) I will have been!
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Really? Seems like you’ve always been here. And I mean that in the very best way, my dear.
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Ha ha…I sure hope so…😯
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Love it! Can’t keep a good woman down!
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True that , Sheila.
Thank you and Shalom,
Rochelle
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The “Safe travels” in the message kind of implied that he still cares for her and wants her to join him – that threw me off as it didn’t vibe with the rest of the abrupt message. So I had to read the comments to understand the intent of the grin. OVerall it’s a good story – well written as always 🙂
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Dear Ansumani,
“Relieved grin.” 😉 She was happy to be off the hook. “Safe travels” is usually pretty casual as in “see ya.” I found it interesting that you read so much into that.
At any rate, I’m glad you took the time to read and leave a nice comment. Much appreciated.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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That last line was a real “HA!” moment. Thanks for the smile.
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Dear Alicia,
Free smiles served all day and twice on Sunday. 😉 And than you for the smile in return.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Saved by the snow!
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Saved indeed, Dawn. Now she doesn’t have to slap the you-know-what out of him. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Deep down she knew, she knew….. I liked it, a little laugh-out-loud at the last line.
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Dear Trent,
I think she knew but wanted to get home and head him off before he popped the question. I smile at your laughter. 😉
Thank you and Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
What a skillfully placed twist. Admittedly, I reread it from beginning to end after reading the last line but more to savor the twist than for any other reason. Nicely handled. This is one of my faves. You set us up for heartbreak and let us settle comfortably into the new idea as the snow falls softly on the tarmac.
Peace,
Marie Gail
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Dear Marie Gail,
So happy to see you here on my page. Although I rejoice at your busy-ness due to business. 😉
Your affirming words fill me with smiles. This seems to be one of those “either you get it or you don’t” stories.
Thank you, Shalom and hugs my sweet friend,
Rochelle
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Nice one.
Life has its ways, sometimes, of stopping us just at the right time.
(then other times, it seems, it doesn’t stop us at all).
Glad that this time it worked out fine – with her staying put and not wasting time, money, and being jilted, after all that, F2F.
Randy
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Dear Randy,
Yes, this is one time that time was on her side. Yes it was.
Thank you and shalom.
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
this made me smile. It’s nice to know that a story of jilted love can have a happy ending. I hope Eugene is happy with Patricia, although if he’s the kind of guy to do something like this, I feel bad for Patricia. In any case, great story as usual.
-David
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Dear David,
Maybe Patricia will turn out to be a harridan. Either way Eugene should get what’s coming to him. Obviously a man with no class. 😉
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Hi Rochelle,
I enjoyed the story although I wouldn’t have known that she was going to ditch him yet at the same time I got that she wasn’t upset by being ditched herself. I thought she was relieved that due to the snow and being delayed she now wouldn’t waste her money on the flight
Cheers Irene
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Dear Irene,
This seems to be one of those pieces that some got and some didn’t. A hundred words is a challenge, isn’t it? At any rate, I’m glad you enjoyed my story. Relief is relief. Thank you for your honest comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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He didn’t deserve her anyway! What kind of person sends that kind of message via text? She’s better off, which I’m pretty sure she already knows. 😉
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Dear Melony,
In my mind she was trying to head him off at the pass. She definitely knows how lucky she is. His text merely confirms her suspicions. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Happy New Year, Rochelle!
A happy ending – she’s lucky to have escaped such an uncomfortable trip!
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Dear Yolanda Renee
Happy New Year to you, too.
I think once she actually catches a flight she’ll be able to relax. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Was it ‘ Good riddance’ for her? Beautiful writing dear. Sometime God/weather helps.
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Dear Indira,
It was definitely ‘good riddance’ for her. In my mind she was on her way to let him down before he spent money on the restaurant. Now she can relax.
Thank you for your kind words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Smiles… A nice take on the prompt!
Coming back after a long time… Hope all is well at your end!
Happy New Year…
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Dear Satya,
It’s good to see you and your “crazy mind” back here. 😉 Thank you for your nice comments on my story. All is well here.
Happy New Year and Shalom,
Rochelle
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I got the tweaked version, but the urgency of her desire to make the flight, threw me off. I could feel the coldness of the rejection, and the snow on the tarmac… and heat in her relief. This is what I love most about FF– all the different takes on the same photo, and all the different responses to each story! Love the new gravatar photo, Rochelle. 🙂
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Dear Dawn,
Aye there’s the rub. It’s a challenge to get everything into a hundred words. I think her urgency to get home was to head Eugene off at the pass. At least that’s the backstory in my beady little brain.
Thank you for coming by to read and leave a nice comment. Happy birthday, my friend.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It’s so true! That 100 words makes it so fun, and so incredibly challenging! The back story is always a bitch. 😉
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From am expected proposal to a dumping for another woman by text – and she’s grinning! I’m guessing she wasn’t really committed to that relationship 🙂
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Dear Ali,
I think he just beat her to the dump-punch. 😉
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Shalom.
Rochelle
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I love the 100 word fiction with a prompt.
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Thank you, Meredith. 😀 Feel free to join the fun.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Phew! Sometimes things are just meant to be. Excellent.
Visit Keith’s Ramblings!
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Many thanks, Keith. 😀
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Dear Strawberry Shortcake,
As my Mom used to say, “There’s more than one prune in the pudding, but any one of them can give you the squirts.”
Nawh, I’m just making that up, but it sounded so much better than tired and the worn out ‘fish in the sea’ analogy.
Now she can log onto Fruit Lovers Only.com and become the apple of someone else’s eye.
Yabba Dabba Doo,
Fred
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Dear Fred,
I think your mom just coined a new one. I like it. Well said. Thanks for trundling by in your rockmobile.
Shalom,
Strawberry Shortcake
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Looks like she escaped an unpleasant experience – and she wasn’t even upset by the break-up text! Things must have been bad. Hope the future is better for all involved.
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Dear Tiffany,
I think she’d realized that it wouldn’t work between them and wanted to get home to head him off at the pass, face to face. Instead he took the coward’s way out. 😉
Thank you for swinging by to read and comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You’re very welcome!
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Haha! I enjoyed your story — nice twist at the end! It took me two reads, however — probably because I was expecting sadness, or worse, disaster. So glad it wasn’t either.
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Dear Vijaya,
I’m glad you finally got the twist. I can’t say I’m sorry you read it twice. 😉 As for the plane, I’ve no idea what type or airline. You’d have to ask Melanie. Again, I just followed Thoreau’s advice. 😉
Thank you and shalom,
Rochelle
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🙂 Shalom, my good (online) friend!
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Also, I’m curious — WHAT is that plane? Which airline? What type? It confused me.
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ooooo Love the twist. I would feel relief indeed.
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Thank you for taking time to read, love and comment, Solo. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Wedding cancelled due to a divine snowy intervention. How nicely that worked out for her. I guess it’s the one time when someone would welcome bad weather. Great story, Rochelle. Happy New Year!!
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Dear Amy,
I think there was a serious breakdown of communication on someone’s part. 😉 At any rate the snow was a welcome event for her. And I just won’t say anything about Eugene.
Thank you for the greetings and the kudos.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ah, there’s nothing like a good twist in the FF tale. How is the novel sequel going? 🙂
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Dear JWD,
I was a huge O.Henry fan as a kid. Every one of his stories had a surprise ending. Among his most famous were The Last Leaf, The Gift of the Magi and Ransom of Red Chief. All of them are worth the read. 😉
As for the novel sequel…the first is out From Silt and Ashes http://www.amazon.com/From-Silt-Ashes-Sequel-Kaddish-ebook/dp/B01A1F4CB6/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_img_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=0B06G1Q4JQBR2M9724FK
Work on the third in the trilogy, As One Must One Can, is a slow and steady process right now. A lot of writing myself into a corner and figuring out how to write myself out. Thank you for asking.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Great twist, Rochelle. I was expecting sadness on her part, but you flipped that on it’s head.
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Dear Adam,
I’ve always loved surprise endings. 😉 I’m glad to have taken you along for the ride. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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putting a positive spin on it, it saved the day for both of them. 🙂
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Dear Plaridel,
A silver lining in that cloud. 😉 Thank you for dropping by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a great twist at the end. It was so unexpected and happy considering the way the story started. Well written as always, Rochelle. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Dear Suzanne,
Thank you for flying Air Chelle. We’ll be landing soon. Glad to have taken you for a ride. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Reminds me of my break up with my first boyfriend.
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Dear Alice,
Sorry…I think. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Love the twist! Love the grin, relief and good weather in the end. Sometimes mother nature just adds a great punctuation point to our lives! 🙂
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Dear Lillian,
Funny how something things can look bleak and terrible one minute and much better the next. Thank you for your kind words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ah! She’s off the hook. What a surprise. Love the ending.
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Thank you for your lovely comment, Margaret. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Well at least she didn’t have to face that in public with him.
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Dear Joe,
And that is why she’s relieved. 😉
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Nicely told Rochelle, especially the line “Young love will have to go on standby, dearie.” – perfect characterisation and very funny!
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Dear TRG,
I’m glad you liked that line. It’s one of my favorites, too. Thank you for coming by with your kind comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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🙂
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😀
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Saved by the storm. Young love. Gotta love that. 🙂
Lily
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Dear Lily,
Bad weather’s not always bad, eh? Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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The airline rep was an angel in disguise. All those wings!
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Dear Patrick,
She’s a wheezing angel indeed. Thanks for flying by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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