17 November 2017

Published November 15, 2017 by rochellewisoff

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Genre: Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 100

LAST RITES

Grandma Tollard met Jeannie at the front door, her long grey hair askew. She seized Jeannie’s arm with one bony hand. “Thank you for coming, dear.”

“What happened?”

“I…we, that is…he…he had a heart attack and—”

“Did you call 911?”  

“—he’s dead. I called Fr. Jenson.”

Grandma clutched her lace peignoir robe at the neck and led Jeannie to the bedroom. Biting her quivering lip, Jeannie pulled the sheet over her grandfather’s grinning countenance.

She wrapped a comforting arm around her weeping grandmother.

Grandma sniffed. “I’ll never forget his final words to me.”

“What were they?”  

“‘Hi-ho Silver!’”

Many thanks to my BFF Jeannie O’Hare for her generosity in allowing me to share her strange but true family stories. Some things just can’t be made up…but they can be embellished. 

Jeannie and me

To hear my interview on Impact USA radio last week  CLICK HERE

106 comments on “17 November 2017”

    • Dear Josh,

      We don’t really know what Grandpa Tollard’s actual exit line was. But the policeman who filled out the report said, “He died a happy man.” 😉 I thought immediately of “Private Benjamin” when she was asked her elderly husband’s last words to which she tearfully replied, “I’m coming.”
      I want my epitaph to read, “There’s a joke in this somewhere.” or “What’s the punchline?” Fitting, don’t you think?

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Liked by 2 people

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    • Dear Trent,

      Some of the story, of course, is fictionalized, but most of it is not. In this case truth really is more entertaining than fiction. This really happened to my friend Jeannie. I’ve been threatening to write it for some time. 😀 Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

  • Well, I can think of worse ways to go. That works. Lol. I have heard the story a few times but still laugh every time. Good writing as usual. As for the statement “you can’t make this stuff up”, I have to disagree. Most people can’t, but you are not most people. You have to be careful what you say around you. Carry on wordsmith queen.

    Liked by 1 person

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  • This made me snort with laughter! You painted that picture so clearly, the hint at what has happened with Grandpa smiling and Granny in her robe – so funny because of the subtlety. I wonder what the priest thought when he turned up, but then I suspect priests get to see some astonishing sights. Loved this Rochelle. A pearl of a story

    Liked by 1 person

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  • Dear Rochelle,

    I am having trouble writing here with my shoulders hopping up and down with laughter. Thank goodness no one is home to hear me laughing all by myself. Well, Zeke is, but he doesn’t seem to mind…

    Thanks for the laughs on this November day – added bonus as I can’t complain, the sun is shining and it is a “balmy” 43 F today…

    Lotsa love,

    Dale

    Liked by 1 person

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  • Dear Gabby “Gate-Mouth” W(T)F,

    Dare I ask if he left a sliver bullet? Who was that masked man? Perhaps he took one of those little blue pills and got thrown. Still, what a wonderful way to go.

    You get the humor prize this week. Five out of five on the silver bullet scale.
    Ken Burned-Out

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Dear Ken Burned-Out,

      My thanks go to Grandma and Grandpa Tollard who knew how to live…and die. 😉 There are side effects to those blue pills, y’know. Perhaps he failed to read about them…or didn’t care. On the other hand when you’re time’s at hand…or other parts…;)

      Thank you for the silver bullets. I’ll try to shoot them wisely.

      Shalom,

      Gabby “Gate-Mouth” W(T)F

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

  • We should all be so lucky! A lovely story Rochelle.

    This isn’t quite last words, but the story reminded me of comedian Spike Milligan, who asked for the inscription “I told you I was ill” to be placed on his headstone. After he died, his wish was granted, but the local diocese (in England) insisted the phrase be inscribed in Gaelic (Spike was Irish-British). It’s a shame that someone who wasn’t in the know would only get the joke if s/he happened to read Gaelic.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • Dear JS,

      That epitaph has been used more than once over here…in English. I’ve always thought I’d like something like, “What’s the punchline?” My brother says he wants, “His face was an open mouth.”
      Thanks for reading and sharing. 😀

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

    • Dear Susie,

      Happy to make you giggle. BTW some of the FF’rs do write poetry. As long as it’s 100 words…;) And last year I took part in a Jewish poetry reading. The facilitator insisted that my flash fictions read like poetry. I’m happy to have you on board and will be giving your interview with Dr. Reeves a listen soon. Thank you.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Like

      Reply ↓

  • A fantastic story leaving so much to the imagination. The picture of grief, the trepidation at approaching the deceased, are both so clear, and the last line a great turnabout. 🙂 Thanks to Jeannie for letting you share.

    Liked by 1 person

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  • Hi Rochelle,

    After we finally stopped laughing at the last line (took 10 minutes), we read Russell’s comment regarding “Silver Bullet”, and we laughed another 10 minutes.

    Rochelle, you win this week’s funniest award. Great writing.

    Mike

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

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