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Genre: Historical Fiction/Excerpt from Work in Progress
Word Count: 100 of 16,500
CHILDHOOD LOST
Schoolboys cavorted along the cobblestone street, shoving and teasing each other after a day of boring lessons. Peter missed being one of them.
Papa approached with determined strides, head held high, and a scowl on his black-bearded face. Like the Red Sea’s parting, the children made a path for him.
Peter turned from the window and hunched over his book.
Taking rolls from the oven, Mama clutched her rounded belly. “Son, come help me.”
He rose and took the pan from her, breathing in the yeasty aroma.
Papa burst through the door. “Peter! Lazy oaf. Get back to your lessons.”
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple 
A scene of patriarchal dominance
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Dear Sadje,
Well summed up. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You’re welcome Rochelle.
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I could see the cavorting schoolboys, and the longing
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Dear Neil,
The kind of comment an author works for. 😀 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh, poor Peter. Such strong characterisations in this. I’m hoping that Papa has some redeeming qualities that will be revealed in the longer work. This is a powerfully drawn scene.
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Dear Margaret,
I’m not saying one way or the other as this is the opening scene for a novel in progress. 😉 Thank you for such an encouraging and validating comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Wow, father of the year. Poor kid was in an impossible situation. Mother asked for help.
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Dear Tanille,
Nope, Papa’s not going to win any awards for his fathering skills. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Poor Peter. I hope Mama says, “He’s helping me,” but I doubt anyone will get a word in edgewise with -that- Papa.
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Dear Trent,
Papa is alpha male after all and since this takes place in 1906 Poland you can fill in the blanks. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yep, can fill in the blanks easily enough…
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Dear Rochelle,
I enjoyed reading this slice of life. The characters came to life and I can just imagine Papa’s forbidding countenance. I loved the line about the Red Sea parting. Poor Peter. He longed to be with his friends and he got into trouble for helping his mother. Maybe Papa was brought up by a strict father too and this is why he is the way he is. Wonderful story. I hope to read more.
Shalom,
Adele
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Dear Adele,
With two manuscripts languishing in a drawer, I don’t know where this one will go. But I’ve felt the need to get back to writing something longer than 100 words. Your comments concerning my characters encourage me to keep at it. Thank you so much.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Poor Peter. Socialization is a much needed experience for children. It helps them normalize and associate with people. It sounds like Peter is missing out on that aspect of life. What can be the outcome? We wonder. Good story.
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Dear Jan,
Peter definitely has a lot to learn about life. More than that I shall not add. Thank you for the read and the lovely comment, m’luv
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Good story Rochelle. I feel for Peter though don’t think his mother would stand up for him as I got the impression pap was a bit of a tyrant.
Good to see a picture from Ted. Hope he is doing well.
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Dear Di,
Papa is a tyrant indeed. Thank you for your input. Ted’s still alive and rocking his rehab as far as I can tell by his FB posts. As always, he does enjoy getting encouraging notes via snail mail.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Wish him all the best from me Rochelle next time you speak.
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Hard being a son with the weight of so much expectation resting on your shoulders! You still write as vividly as ever. Hope you’re well, Rochelle 🙂
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Dear Long Lost Lynn,
I’m so happy to see your name in my like column. You have been sorely missed. Thank you for such an encouraging comment at the perfect time. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you, Rochelle! Nice to be back and to see so many familiar faces among the squares! Always lovely to read your stories 🙂
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To much book learning can spoil a bright future, I hope the father learns to chill.
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Dear Michael,
Papa does need to relax. But will he? Thank you for your comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh my. This child has a long uphill battle to the point where he can break free from an unreasonable father.
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Dear Linda,
He does have many challenges ahead. Thank you for the read and the comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I feel sorry for Peter every which-way. I also feel sorry for Peter’s mother. I have a feeling there were a lot of such bullies in the old days — and some still around in modern times. Sad story, well-written, Rochelle.
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Dear Lisa,
Sadly, not everyone has progressed past the alpha male runs the house mentality, Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, you are very welcome.
Shalom,
Lisa
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That misunderstanding looks like it will soon be resolved.
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Dear Frank,
Oh it will be resolved. 😉 This is only the beginning of the story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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The poor lad’s in an impossible situation. We can only hope he has the strength to manage it.
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Dear Keith,
Peter is stronger than he realizes. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Good to know you have another longer story in the works. Poor Peter – I’m hoping the rules and strict upbringing and work will pay off in his future…!
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Dear Iain,
The longer story is a bit of a slow go but I write as the characters speak to me. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh oh and oy. And all too familiar to too many, I’m sure … Well penned, my friend!
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Na’ama Y’karah,
It makes me wonder what Papa’s homelife was like as a child. Thank you, my friend. ❤
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yes, very much so!
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Come on, Peter. Get it together.
Patience and understanding might be good lessons for dad, but that is of course entirely up to the author. I see a long, bumpy road ahead for Peter. Good start, Rochelle. In only 100 words, we already have a feel for Peter and his hardships.
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Dear Nobbin,
It’s true. Peter does have a long bumpy road ahead. Round and round it goes, where it ends only the author knows…and she’s not all that sure. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Peter can’t win. Until he’s older. Good story, dynamics in a short space.
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Thank you for your kind and supportive comments, Sascha. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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The stuff of a novel…the family dynamics are so clear. I’m left thinking, mother, father and son each have their own tale of woe.
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Dear Clare,
I’m hoping it’s the stuff of a novel. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Sometimes things don’t look the way we think and jumping to the wrong conclusions can be painful… great story!
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Dear Kimber,
There’s a lot of miscommunication in this story. Thank you for your kind words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Lovely characterisation! Great opening scene!
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Thank you so much, Neel.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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🥸
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Krista
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Happy to see you here, Ted. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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i want to believe the father is only doing what he thinks is best for the kid.
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Dear Plaridel,
No doubt the father believes what he’s doing is right. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I already like the boy and his mum, and dislike the father. There were–and still are–far too many of that type around. Please don’t kill mum and son off in your novel, which I’m looking forward to read. 😀
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Dear Gabi,
Some things I cannot promise. 😉 I only hope to finish it and perhaps find a home for the novel. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I know, I know, oh mistress of character torture… 😉
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Papa is starting off from a low base here, Rochelle. Unfortunately, this scene has more realism especially for the setting than you would like. Hope he overcomes his start in life.
Well done and best wishes,
Rowena
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Dear Rowena,
As far as where the characters and the novel goes, I’m putting one foot in front of the other and allowing the muse to speak. Sadly, there are too many family dynamics like this. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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The father is a tyrant, and he doesn’t know the damage he’s doing. Peter will copy him believing this is how men should act, and it will be very difficult for him to learn otherwise.
Good writing, Rochelle.
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Dear Penny,
If things continue as they begin here, Peter will have to jump some major hurdles. Thank you re my writing. Very encouraging and appreciated.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I could feel the scene, Rochelle.
It’s almost too real. I expect Peter will take his own path or his mother’s. Childhood is an experience, not a prison. 🙂
Peace,
Bill
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Dear Bill,
You’re very perceptive. Love Childhood is an experience, not a prison. For some it’s hard to break free of that experience, isn’t it? Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Different times, different ways
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Dear Sally,
Different times perhaps. Hope we’ve overcome the different ways. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh poor Peter. He was only trying to help. A lot of emotional heaviness in this one…
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Dear Laurie,
I’m afraid there’s much Papa will never understand. Thank you for your encouraging comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yea
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Yea
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