In Memory of 24682

Published April 25, 2012 by rochellewisoff

Thanks to Madison Woods for the photo prompt and Friday Fictioneers to keep us on our writing toes.

Through vicious barbs and twisted wire the sun had the audacity to shine. Marushka licked the dregs of a discarded sardine tin. Her disappointed stomach howled its outrage. She sank down on the stony ground. Stretching her rawboned legs in the dust she longed for silk stockings to hug her once shapely calves.

From her torn pocket she pulled a mirror-shard and glowered at her reflection. Who was this bald hag? Murderer! No! She’d only covered his mouth so they wouldn’t hear.

“24682.” She slashed a trail, long and deep, through the tattooed number to her wrist.

“Mama’s coming, Dovid.”

44 comments on “In Memory of 24682

  • You weave this story beautifully and there are several great lines, like the audacity of the sun. I have a few questions, but that's OK in a short piece. Most of all I wanted to know if the person she killed was friend or foe – a guard trying to hold her back, or her own child. That would give me more clarity as to whether the wound she is inflicting is just to remove the tattoo so she can find a living child, or to kill herself to join a dead one.The piece is chilling either way, but I'd have liked to know.I'm over here:http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fiction-soul-memories/

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  • I really liked some phrases that you have used in this post."Audacity of the sun", "Disappointed stomach" "howl of an outrage". Good play of words!I didn't quite understand what quite happened in the story to be honest. Maybe I need to read it a few more times..Parulhttp://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/building-boundaries/

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  • It is a challenge to write a complete story in so few words, isn't it? The person she killed was Dovid, her baby son. Unintentionally she smothered him with her hand over his mouth and nose to keep the SS from hearing him and finding them. Unfortunately it's a fairly common story. And yes, she killed herself to join him.

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  • Just read this last one. I can see the scene and it works. Real good. Poignant words and phrases. If one can visualize the whole scene in the 100 words used, little else is needed.

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    • Dear Al,

      I was going to rerun this one and saw where I’ve evolved as a writer. This was my third installment in Friday Fictioneers. As you can see, I was just one of the gang back then. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on it, too. πŸ˜€

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re welcome πŸ™‚ It was Friday Fictioneers that started my fiction writing – and instalments with Raynard. And that started me with the idea of creating my own weekly prompt. You were writing good back then, and have increased 100 fold in that time.

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