Humor

All posts in the Humor category

2 December 2022

Published November 30, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

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How did we get to December already? I want to take a moment to thank all of you who’ve contintued with Friday Fictioneers. You’re all a gift to me.

My story below is pure non-fiction. Rarely has a patron of an art fair followed through with “I’ll definitely get back with you about a commission.” Rarely? Now that I think about…never. I really thought this one was a sure thing.

Genre: Just the Facts
Word Count: 100

HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

She held up her iPhone with a photo of a windmill at sunset. “Have you ever painted a scene like this?”

The brilliant oranges and golds spoke to me. “Could you text it to me?”

Her face lit up. “Done. Let me know if you paint it.”

Within days, the painting was done—one of my best according to my husband. I sent a jpeg to my potential client.

“I want it.” She replied. “How much?”

She agreed to the price. I packaged it with receipt and certificate of authenticity.

A sure sale? Ha! I never heard from her again.

Not to despair. Although the original still languishes in my studio, wrapped and ready to roll, I’ve sold many prints and note cards with this picture. Nothing’s wasted. 😉

For listings of my original paintings or signed prints CLICK HERE

Many of these renderings are available as a note card. CLICK HERE for my ETSY shop.

LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

Published September 28, 2022 by rochellewisoff

It would seem my muse woke up this morning. So not only did I take the liberty of posting a thrice-run story, I’m double dipping as well. 😉

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (Hey! That’s me!)

Genre: Realistic “Fiction”
Word Count: 100

LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

They sat at the kitchen table, a bag of pretzels between them. Light from the old-fashioned lamps cast a warm glow in the room. Shelly savored the salt on her tongue, then sipped her Cabernet.

“It’s so romantic, isn’t it?” She moved her book closer to the light. “Dontcha love it?”

Jon turned the page of his magazine. “Not the best reading light.”

“Must you be so negative? Remember, ‘It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.’”

“Thank you, Eleanor Roosevelt.” He frowned. “I’ll stop cursing the darkness when the power’s restored and the TV comes back on.”

****

Adding more to my ETSY SHOP every day!

Getting ready for the Holidays. They’ll be here before you know it!

30 September 2022

Published September 28, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Genre: Hysterical Fiction (Wow, what a rush!)
Word Count: 100

If this is phto and story’s deja vu for you, it’s true. This is a rerun of a rerun. I wrote it in 2013 and posted it again in 2016 for the same reason I’m posting it this week. It has been an incredibly busy week and my muse is flat comatose. Since the high holidays are upon us, I take liberty…because I can.

If you’ve posted a story for this photo before, feel free to give yourself a break and post it again. Hey. It’s been 6 years. 😉 Who’s going to remember it? Right? Of course, right!

ASHAMNU

             Rhoda cast furtive glances in all directions, inhaled throat-burning smoke, held it, and then exhaled, handing the joint to Marcus.

            “Don’t be so paranoid.” His bloodshot eyes glittered.

            Candles illuminated the corners of his darkened bedroom. In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida blared from the stereo and patchouli incense tickled her nose.

            After they’d downed an entire bag of chips, Marcus plopped his yarmulke on his head.

            “So much for fasting. Let’s get back before they miss us.”

            Side-by-side they sneaked into the synagogue and giggled through repentance prayers.

            Every year afterward, when Rhoda dutifully attended services, she chuckled as she recalled the “High” Holiday.

The Ashamnu  is a traditional prayer of repentance  recited on Yom Kippur, the Jewish highest of holy days or day of atonement. The word “ah-SHAM-nu” means we are guilty or we have sinned. 

16 September 2022

Published September 14, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Trish Nankeville

Genre: Poetry
Word Count: 100

SPRING AND SUMMER CATARRH

Ah the warm smell of lilacs
Rising up in the air.
Daffodils, ever my favorite.
A feast for the eyes.
Flora and fauna.
Dandelion seeds delight children
Who blow them into the wind.
Goldenrod
Ragweed
A Mid-Summer-Night’s Bad Dream.
According to Dr. John Bostock in 1828

Neither bleeding nor purging
Alleviated
The itch of the eye,
Or running of the nose,
Or the incessant tickle in the throat.
That was then, this is now.
Antihistamines bring some relief.
In closing,
A word of advice, my fellow allergy sufferers,
Take care whilst driving.
It’s impossible to sneeze without shutting your eyes.
 

 

2 September 2022

Published August 31, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © David Stewart

Every writer has those days when their imaginary friends won’t come out to play. This has been my week. 😉

Genre: Hysterical Friction
100 Useless Words

DRAWING BLANKS

“I’m drawing blanks.” I stare at David’s photo. “I’m the leader. I can’t just post a photo prompt without my own story.”

“Drawing blanks is a good title,” says my good friend and nemesis Harvey Wingnut. “As an artist you should be quite adept at that.”

“You’re so funny I forgot to laugh.”

I beg my muse for an idea.

“Sorry, chick. You’re on your own,” she whispers. “I’m vacationing in the Bahamas.”

You get the picture.

I study the shadowy prompt and wonder who’ll be buried under that shed this week.

“You win, Harvey. ‘Drawing Blanks’ it is.”

It means nothing but, then, neither does my post. Fun stuff with our niece in July.
Thank you, Harvey Wingnut

19 August 2022

Published August 17, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

This was my fifth annual visit with my brother and sister-in-law. As always it was hard to leave, but good to come back home. The ocean was rough this year and dangerous for swimming most of the time. Still great beach times. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 😉

Genre: Histrionic Fiction
Word Count: 100

ANNUAL HOLIDAY

“You take separate vacations?”

Rochelle grinned at the tanned woman beside her as the plane made its ascent. “Every year for the past five. He goes to South Dakota for the bike rally and texts me pictures of the most gorgeous scenery.”

The North Carolina landscape dwindled below. Rochelle turned from the window. Ten days of sightseeing and beachcombing with her brother zipped by. They’d laughed at punchlines without telling the jokes and reminisced about things only siblings would remember.

“Wouldn’t you like to go with your husband sometime?”

“Nah.” Rochelle wrinkled her nose. “It’s way too peopley for me.”



12 August 2022

Published August 10, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

Genre: Hysterical Fiction
Word Count: 100

YOU TALKIN’ TO ME?

“Did you know…?”

Dale rolled her eyes as she unpacked the picnic basket. “I feel a history lesson coming on from Rochelle-A-Pedia.

“Ahem.” Rochelle ran her fingertips across the rough picnic bench surface. “The word table is derived from the Latin word Tabula and its earliest models were mostly used by ancient Egyptians. Betcha didn’t know that.  Furthermore, through the years, wood workers and manufacturers learned how to customize and adjust furniture used in—”

“Betcha I didn’t care.” Dale gently knocked on Rochelle’s forehead. “Yoohoo? I’m thinking of another term derived from Latin. Tabula rasa.”

“Whassat?”

“Look it up.”

5 August 2022

Published August 3, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Sandra Crook

Genre: Hysterical Faction
Word Count: 100

ROAD READY

My best friend and I took Driver’s Ed the year we turned sixteen thinking we’d get our licenses together.

I passed the written part with flying colors. Recognizing road signs and learning the rules of the road was a snap.

The actual driving part was another story. Both excitement and terror welled up as I gripped the steering wheel. Images of every traffic accident I’d seen on the news zipped through my mind.

My instructor shook his head at my attempt to parallel park. “Your final driving score is negative fifty-one. Might I suggest you purchase a lifetime bus pass?”

22 July 2022

Published July 20, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Fleur Lind

Genre: Hysterical Faction
Word Count: 100

CHLORINE DEPRIVATION

Retirement has certainly taken the sting out of Monday. Every day is a weekend. Monday’s one of my swim days. Fifty-four invigorating laps. This morning I tingle with anticipation.

Sipping my morning coffee, I check my emails which are mostly deletable spams.

“What’s this? A member announcement from my fitness center? Have my old-fogy dues gone up again?”

My breath catches in my throat as I read. It’s as if I’m staring down a tunnel with no light on the other side.

“ ‘The Indoor Pools, both lap and rec, will be closed until further notice due to lifeguard shortages.’

Nooooooo!”

8 July 2022

Published July 6, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Genre: Fanciful Fiction
Word Count: 100

WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE

Gretta gazed at the mountain of wool beside her spinning wheel. How she longed to be outside with her friend Heinrich to watch the sheep and play with the newborn lambs.

“I would gladly trade my baby brother for some magic help.”

She yawned. The whir of the wheel lulled her.

“I’m here to spin this wool into yarn for you, little girl.”

Gretta rubbed her eyes and gasped to see a dwarf with pointed ears. “Yes!”

He laughed. “Your brother’s mine.”  

Mama shook her. “Wake up and get back to work!”

Gretta sighed. “Where’s Rumpelstiltskin when I need him?”

If you’re unfamiliar with Rumpelstiltskin CLICK HERE.

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