Humor

All posts in the Humor category

17 March 2023

Published March 15, 2023 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rowena Curtin

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Genre: Pure Fiction
Word Count: 100

YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT

After fifty-five years Alice still missed Johnny who’d been drafted and died in Vietnam. Their daughter Sunshine, a successful lawyer in Manhattan had little time for Alice.        

            One day, Alice texted Sunshine. “Leaving for Australia. Going to open a restaurant.”

            “Mom, are you smoking weed again?”

***

            Pushing a lock of long white hair from her forehead, Alice flipped veggie burgers on the grill in her thriving café. She gazed at the mountains kissing the cerulean sky outside the window. Her town—peaceful Alice Springs—three hours or less from anywhere in Australia and thousands of miles from the Divided States.

Alice Springs, Australia

And if you have 19 minutes to spare CLICK HERE to enjoy Alice’s Restaurant.

10 March 2023

Published March 8, 2023 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Jennifer Pendergast

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Genre: Hysterical Fiction
Word Count: 100

DOMESTIC GODDESS

            After reading the book Fascinating Womanhood, Shelley prepared a special candlelight dinner.  

            In anticipation of a romantic evening, Shelley fixed her hair and put on her sexiest dress to greet her husband when he came home.   

            At 5:30 she heard him pull into the garage. Heart thumping, she opened the door for him.

            Walking past her, Greg surveyed the dining room. “Did we have a power outage?” He flipped on the overhead light. Then he flopped on the couch and turned on the television.  

            After hitting him over the head with it, Shelley decided Fascinating Womanhood made a dandy doorstop.

You may or may not remember this book. Maybe it worked for some. 😉

3 March 2023

Published March 1, 2023 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Miles Rost

CLICK TO TAKE A SPIN

March is upon us, but I couldn’t resist adding one more neglected African American. She made laundry a little easier for the average housewife back in the 1800’s.

Genre: Washable Ficton
Word Count: 100

OVERHEARD AT THE LAUNDROMAT

Dale reached into the washing machine. “Laundry is such a pain in the tush.” She tossed wads of damp clothes into the dryer. “I suppose it’s better than scrubbing them on a washboard.”

Rochelle folded a T-shirt. “Well, ya know—now that you mention it.”

“Uh-oh. She’s bringing on the history lesson.”

“We can thank Ellin Eglin who invented the wringer in 1888. She sold the plans for it for $18.00. When asked why, she said, ‘You know I am black and if it was known that a negro woman patented the invention, white ladies would not buy the wringer.’”

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10 February 2023

Published February 8, 2023 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

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This week I did something I rarely do. Due to the concern many readers had for poor jilted James, I decided to share his side of the story. 😉 If you haven’t read my story from last week or just want a refresher: CLICK HERE.

Genre: Hysterical Fiction
Word Count: 100

HAPPILY EVER AFTER PART II

James gazed at Hattie’s note. His fiancé was on her honeymoon with David?

Perhaps he should’ve seen it coming. Hattie and his best man had been good friends since childhood.

Now what?

The caterers had been paid. Flowers and streamers festooned the reception hall where an elegant three-tiered cake awaited the happy bride and groom.

Twirling Hattie’s engagement ring around his left pinkie finger, he typed in a number on his phone with his right index finger.

“James!” said a woman’s voice. “I didn’t expect to hear from you.”

“Hi Kate. As it turns out I’m free tonight after all.”

13 January 2023

Published January 11, 2023 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Fleur Lind

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Genre: Narrative
Word Count: 100

TURN THE PAGE

            Another trip around the sun is complete. I’ve welcomed the new year. Resolutions? No. Like Christmas toys they’re, more-often-than-not, abandoned by February first. Goals? Yes. For one, I’m shooting for two-hundred swim miles by December.

            Other goals include releasing a new novel.

            Scrolling through a lengthy list of my publisher’s suggested edits, I fight the urge to turn off the computer and hide under my bed with the dust bunnies.

Steady girl. You’ve got this. There are paintings to be painted and an important story to tell.

A milestone birthday and new chapter of life loom large on my horizon.  

23 December 2022

Published December 21, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson

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Genre: Trivial Pursuit
Word Count: 100

HAPPY HANUKKAH

“‘The sun is shining, the grass is green, the orange and palm trees sway—’” Kent looked up from his book. “The song wouldn’t have been the same with those opening lines.”

            Shelley yawned. “What song, O master of entertainment trivia?”

            “White Christmas of course.”

            “Tell me more. I’ll pretend to be interested.”

            “Irving Berlin wrote it for “Holiday Inn,” and snagged the Oscar for best song of 1942. Bing Crosby’s recording of “White Christmas” hit the top of the charts by Halloween. Can you imagine the holidays without it?”

            “He was Jewish, you know.”

            “Crosby?”

            “No, Einstein—Irving Berlin.”  

Just for fun here’s the song with the original first verse:

And here’s the song as sung in the movie “Holiday Inn.”

2 December 2022

Published November 30, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

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How did we get to December already? I want to take a moment to thank all of you who’ve contintued with Friday Fictioneers. You’re all a gift to me.

My story below is pure non-fiction. Rarely has a patron of an art fair followed through with “I’ll definitely get back with you about a commission.” Rarely? Now that I think about…never. I really thought this one was a sure thing.

Genre: Just the Facts
Word Count: 100

HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

She held up her iPhone with a photo of a windmill at sunset. “Have you ever painted a scene like this?”

The brilliant oranges and golds spoke to me. “Could you text it to me?”

Her face lit up. “Done. Let me know if you paint it.”

Within days, the painting was done—one of my best according to my husband. I sent a jpeg to my potential client.

“I want it.” She replied. “How much?”

She agreed to the price. I packaged it with receipt and certificate of authenticity.

A sure sale? Ha! I never heard from her again.

Not to despair. Although the original still languishes in my studio, wrapped and ready to roll, I’ve sold many prints and note cards with this picture. Nothing’s wasted. 😉

For listings of my original paintings or signed prints CLICK HERE

Many of these renderings are available as a note card. CLICK HERE for my ETSY shop.

LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

Published September 28, 2022 by rochellewisoff

It would seem my muse woke up this morning. So not only did I take the liberty of posting a thrice-run story, I’m double dipping as well. 😉

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (Hey! That’s me!)

Genre: Realistic “Fiction”
Word Count: 100

LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

They sat at the kitchen table, a bag of pretzels between them. Light from the old-fashioned lamps cast a warm glow in the room. Shelly savored the salt on her tongue, then sipped her Cabernet.

“It’s so romantic, isn’t it?” She moved her book closer to the light. “Dontcha love it?”

Jon turned the page of his magazine. “Not the best reading light.”

“Must you be so negative? Remember, ‘It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.’”

“Thank you, Eleanor Roosevelt.” He frowned. “I’ll stop cursing the darkness when the power’s restored and the TV comes back on.”

****

Adding more to my ETSY SHOP every day!

Getting ready for the Holidays. They’ll be here before you know it!

30 September 2022

Published September 28, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Genre: Hysterical Fiction (Wow, what a rush!)
Word Count: 100

If this is phto and story’s deja vu for you, it’s true. This is a rerun of a rerun. I wrote it in 2013 and posted it again in 2016 for the same reason I’m posting it this week. It has been an incredibly busy week and my muse is flat comatose. Since the high holidays are upon us, I take liberty…because I can.

If you’ve posted a story for this photo before, feel free to give yourself a break and post it again. Hey. It’s been 6 years. 😉 Who’s going to remember it? Right? Of course, right!

ASHAMNU

             Rhoda cast furtive glances in all directions, inhaled throat-burning smoke, held it, and then exhaled, handing the joint to Marcus.

            “Don’t be so paranoid.” His bloodshot eyes glittered.

            Candles illuminated the corners of his darkened bedroom. In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida blared from the stereo and patchouli incense tickled her nose.

            After they’d downed an entire bag of chips, Marcus plopped his yarmulke on his head.

            “So much for fasting. Let’s get back before they miss us.”

            Side-by-side they sneaked into the synagogue and giggled through repentance prayers.

            Every year afterward, when Rhoda dutifully attended services, she chuckled as she recalled the “High” Holiday.

The Ashamnu  is a traditional prayer of repentance  recited on Yom Kippur, the Jewish highest of holy days or day of atonement. The word “ah-SHAM-nu” means we are guilty or we have sinned. 

16 September 2022

Published September 14, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Trish Nankeville

Genre: Poetry
Word Count: 100

SPRING AND SUMMER CATARRH

Ah the warm smell of lilacs
Rising up in the air.
Daffodils, ever my favorite.
A feast for the eyes.
Flora and fauna.
Dandelion seeds delight children
Who blow them into the wind.
Goldenrod
Ragweed
A Mid-Summer-Night’s Bad Dream.
According to Dr. John Bostock in 1828

Neither bleeding nor purging
Alleviated
The itch of the eye,
Or running of the nose,
Or the incessant tickle in the throat.
That was then, this is now.
Antihistamines bring some relief.
In closing,
A word of advice, my fellow allergy sufferers,
Take care whilst driving.
It’s impossible to sneeze without shutting your eyes.
 

 
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