Humor

All posts in the Humor category

25 May 2018

Published May 23, 2018 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

Please be considerate of your 70 or so readers and keep your story to 100 words. Thank you. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

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Genre: Anecdote

Word Count: 100

VINTAGE

            “Sesenta y seis.” Counting backwards, I freestyle, somersault at the wall and backstroke. “Sheshim v’hamesh…”   

            My Medicare card arrived yesterday, officially heralding the long-since passing of my youth.

            “Sesenta y cuatro.” I flip and breast-stroke to the other side.  “You’re only as old as you feel. Sheshim v’sh’losh…”  

            How do I feel?

            The crystal bowl on my table sparkles in my mind—an heirloom dating back to my grandparents’ wedding in the early 1900’s. A century hasn’t dulled its beauty.

            I dive under the water and flex my flippers. This little mermaid has miles to swim before that final lap. 

 

Yes the bowl in the photo is the bowl in my story. 😉 Originally it was part of a three-piece set. My dad was one of three children. My grandparents gave each of them a piece when they married. Personally I think my parents got the best of the set. It has been a source of fascination since I can remember. And, yes, I do count backwards, alternating Spanish and Hebrew  when I swim laps. (Sensenta y seis -66, sheshim v’hamesh -65, sesenta y cuatro – 64, sheshim v’sh’losh – 63 and so on and so on and scooby dooby do 😉 ) It helps me stay focused. The pool at our fitness center is 25 ft in length. 66 lengths equals a mile.

 

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Some Even Call it Poetry

Published May 7, 2018 by rochellewisoff

Many thanks to Marsha Gershun who, for the third year in a row has organized the CloudBursT at Beth Torah Synagogue in Overland Park, Kansas. 

Martha Gershun

This was my second year to participate. Although, only a handful of us turned up, it was a lovely time to share our individual Jewish experience.

Two of my Hebrew students came to support me…Joy and Joie…so you could say it was a joyful experience. 😉 I wish I’d thought to take a picture of the two of them. Alas, I didn’t so you’ll have to take my word for it that they are two very lovely ladies.

Although I would love to have shared a few other readers, my husband’s smartphone could only take so much. So for your watching and listening (hopefully) pleasure, here’s my part of the program. My Friday Fictioneers and other Pegman participants will undoubtedly recognize these pieces.

 

20 April 2018

Published April 18, 2018 by rochellewisoff

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*Note: This marks the third week we will be on our road trip from Kansas City to Los Angeles and back again. This has been posted ahead. Thank you for understanding my slowness to read and comment. 

The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Douglas M. MacIlroy

 

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Please be considerate of the over 70 weekly participants and keep your stories to 100 words. Thank you. 

The following story is a rerun from November 2014, so many of you will remember it, some of you won’t. However I did use a different prompt at the time. To visit Click Here 

Genre: Hysterical Fiction

Word Count: 100

IN AN EARLIER LIFE

            “Too much studying will ruin you. Carpe Diem. Let’s play catch.” Ted grabbed Douglas’ notebook and pressed a pie tin into his hand.    

            “Catch? With this?”

            “From the Frisbie Pie Company. It’s all the rage on campus.”          

            For the next hour Douglas forgot about Yale, final examinations and commencement. Tension from late nights hunched over text books lifted off his shoulders and a sense of euphoria filled him as he and Ted flung the whirling dish back and forth.   

            “This is bound to become a national sport,” cried Douglas.

            “Tin Tossing Tournaments?”

            “Why not?”

            “School’s finally driven you mad, MacIlroy.” 

With Doug, in Kansas for a disc golf tournament in 2016. I think I was standing on a step.

 

JUST KILL ME ALREADY

Published April 15, 2018 by rochellewisoff

I can’t believe I’m doing this. Blame it on my good friend Dale and her friends Marc and  Karen.  All I can say is, “Oy.” Normally, I’m not a fan of doing prompts that require certain words. For whatever reason the muse wrestled me to the ground this morning and challenged me. Happy Sunday.

The required words are: Jesus, holy water, drive-thru, twinkies, wine, dinosaurs, passion, busybody, clubhouse, cross, absolution

Genre: Hysterical Fiction

Word Count: 150

JUST KILL ME ALREADY 

“Don’t cross me this morning,” Miriam staggered to the kitchen table. “I had too much wine last night at the clubhouse.”

Yosi passed her a plate of Twinkies. “Here, mommy. Breakfast of champions.”

Biting into one of the golden cakes, she let the cream filling melt on her tongue. At that moment the phone rang.

The voice on the other end shrilled with passion. “Good morning, Miriam.”

Miriam rolled her eyes. Oy. It’s that busybody Mary-Agnes. Probably going to preach to me about Jesus and how I can find absolution.”

Agnes continued, seemingly unaware that Miriam had only groaned a greeting. “Father O’Malley tripped over the holy water this morning in church. Totally drenched a kid playing with  his plastic dinosaurs on the front row.”

Choking on her coffee, Miriam finally said, “I have to go, Aggie. They’re having a special on gefilte fish and fries at the Kosher drive-thru.”

 

 

Guess Blogger: Friday Fictioneers

Published April 9, 2018 by rochellewisoff

Many have read my story of my Friday Fictioneers beginnings before. For those who haven’t, my thanks to Phyllis for inviting me to do a guest blog.

MythRider

Friday Fictioneer is a weekly writing challenge hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Field. She posts a photograph and the challenge is to write a 100 word short story.

I asked Rochelle if she’d like to give us the history of how she became involved and eventually the host of FF. Here is her story:

HERDING CATS

Six years ago, as a newly published author of a short story anthology, writing and rewriting my first novel, I didn’t have much of a direction for my blog. The few articles I posted were met with overwhelming disinterest.

One April day I noticed a Facebook post by someone named Madison Woods on the Ozarks Writers League page announcing the time had come for Friday Fictioneers. I found the title intriguing so I asked her about it.

She explained that every Wednesday she put up a photo and each participant was to insert it into…

View original post 939 more words

6 April 2018

Published April 4, 2018 by rochellewisoff

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MAKE. EVERY. WORD. COUNT.

***

The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson

My weekly admonition to over 70 participants. Please keep your stories to 100 words or less. Thank you for your consideration. 

Note: My comments and replies will probably be a bit delayed as we are starting out on a three week road trip from Kansas City to Los Angeles and back again. Looking forward to seeing friends, relatives and cuddling granddaughters. If you are in the Las Cruces, NM area on April 7, I will be doing a book signing at Coas Books on Main Street from 1:00-3:00

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Genre: Historical Fiction

Word Count: 100

AFTER A FASHION

Shielding her eyes with her parasol, Emma peered at the merciless summer sun. Her pantaloons and stockings clung to her legs under her petticoats and crinoline.  

            Why aren’t boys corseted with whalebone and lace?

            Her stiff collar chafed and perspiration drenched her thick hair beneath her bonnet. How she longed to strip down to her drawers like her brothers and dive into the nearby creek.

________

            Denise studied a tintype she’d found in the attic. “Great-grandma Emma looks elegant, doesn’t she?”

            “Ha! Looks more like she’s ready to faint.” Penny adjusted her swimsuit. “Come on, Sis, race you to the pool.”  

*

*

*

ANOTHER WORD ON THE SUBJECT

PILGRIMAGE

Published March 11, 2018 by rochellewisoff

This week Pegman takes us to Abaco, Bahamas. You won’t find much in the way of streetview out in this neck of the Bahamas. Mainly because you won’t find much in the way of streets. You can use the photo provided, or dangle Pegman over the map to find your own slice of paradise.

Your mission is to write 150 words inspired by what you find. Will you treat us to comedy? Tragedy? Sci Fi Slipstream Historical Fiction? Your only limit is your imagination. And of course the previously mentioned 150 words. Once you’ve polished your story-poem-essay, share it with other Pegman contributors using the link up below.

The pictures of the beaches and the ocean took me back to the Virgin Islands where I fell in love with snorkeling 😀 My story has absolutely nothing to do with that. 😉 As always thank you to Karen and Josh for facilitating the challenge that keeps drawing me in for the extra 50 word plunge.

Genre: Speculative Fantasy

Word Count: 150

PILGRIMAGE

            “You never cease to amaze me,” said Dale.

            Shrugging my blazing shoulders, I replied. “You mean my faulty memory? Oy, I wish I’d remembered my sunscreen this afternoon.”

            Waves gently lapped the shore as sand and water squished between my bare toes. Moonlight sparkled on the water like sequins under a spotlight.

            Dreams of meeting my friend sans Skype screen had finally become a reality. Nights of girl-talk followed days of sightseeing, sampling Bahamian food and snorkeling.

            “Thanks for accompanying me to services tonight,” I said.

            “Wouldn’t have missed it. I loved the music.”

            “The shul’s named after Luis de Torres, Christopher Columbus’ interpreter—first Jew to set foot on the island—a Marrano—convert. 1492 was the middle of the Inquisition so his choices were become a Catholic or—”

            “Leave it to you.”

            “What?”

            “One synagogue, 50 Jews and you managed to find them.”

            “Shabbat shalom, mon amie.”          

*

*

*

Yep, I did find one. Maybe someday I’ll really get to visit it (and Dale) in person.

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