Humor

All posts in the Humor category

7 May 2021

Published May 5, 2021 by rochellewisoff

The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

Genre: Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 100

TALES FROM THE CRYPT

“What was it like when you were a kid, Grandpa?” asked Trevor.

John leaned back in his recliner. “We were poor. In fact, we didn’t have a TV until I was in high school. The five of us lived in an 8 foot by 40-foot trailer. No iPhones like today.”

“And you walked three miles uphill to school and back every day. And ate dirt for supper. Right?”

“Okay, wise guy. I’m done.”

“Please Pa-Pa, go on.” Gina scowled at her brother. “Are you really that old?”

“Old?” Trevor cackled. “When Grandpa was born, the Dead Sea was only sick.”   

WEEKEND WRITING PROMPT – WAYWARD

Published May 2, 2021 by rochellewisoff

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in Sammi’s Comment Section.

FUTURE AUTHOR

Mrs. Ervine’s glaring stare bores through me. “What is the capital of Texas?”

My nine-year-old heart crashes against my ribcage. “T?”

“Not funny.” The teacher leans into my face. “If you’d been paying attention, you’d know it’s Austin. How many times do I have to tell…?

I knew it would one day catch up with me. Daydreaming. Wayward thoughts cavorting in space, ever colliding…

“Miss Wisoff, what did I just say?”

“Could you repeat it, Mrs. Ervine?”

The daydreamer author at nine.

WEEKEND WRITING PROMPT – RESTLESS

Published April 24, 2021 by rochellewisoff

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it Sammi’s Comment Section.

It’s zero-dark-thirty in the blessed AM

She’s awake and restless,

Her mind ablaze with random ideas.

Nightlife?

Fuhgettaboutit!

So I’m trying Block Editor this morning. Some things don’t work the way I want them to. I’ve tried aligning things to the center and they don’t. Happy early morning to y’all. Shalom, Rochelle

בקר תוב

So I’m trying this with Block Editor. There are some features I like and some I really DON’T! At any rate, I’ve a lot to learn. So having said that, I’ll say Shalom and Good morning! Rochelle

WEEKEND WRITING PROMPT – FORAGE

Published April 11, 2021 by rochellewisoff

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in Sammi’s Comment Section.

 

DUMPSTER DIVING

I forage for a morsel to fill my void.

Finding an inviting container labeled applesauce,

I open it, anticipating its sweetness,

Only to be repulsed by a thick layer of green fuzz.

My disappointed stomach rumbles.

Next, I find a sliver of stale pizza.

It tastes like cardboard.

What do I care?

I’m starving.

The stench of rotted vegetables overpowers me.  

How did I sink to this level of despair?

I must rise above it.

Today.

Yes!

Today I’ll clean this refrigerator.

I promise it’s not that bad. 😉 

 

Weekend Writing Prompt – Yonder

Published March 27, 2021 by rochellewisoff

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link in Sammi’s Comment Section.

When I was seventeen microwave ovens and personal computers were off in the Wild-Blue-Yonder. Visual telephones belonged to the Jetsons and iPads to Star Trek. The stuff Bradbury and Clarke only imagined.

Today everyone uses Zoom.  

So?

What’s the holdup with my robotic housekeeper?

Weekend Writing Prompt – Orbit

Published March 21, 2021 by rochellewisoff

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in Sammi’s Comment Section.

This prompt didn’t send me into orbit exactly. 😉 Nor does my story defy gravity. Apologies to my favorite Canuck. 

“Orbitz.” Dale grimaced.  “The beverage with balls. WTF. You paid $20.00 on Ebay?”

“Retro novelty.” Rochelle took a sip and gagged. “I guess not everything Canadian is as wonderful as peanut butter and Captain Kirk. No wonder this dreck didn’t last a year.”

“It’s dead, Jim. Have a Merlot.”

“L’chaim.”

 

19 March 2021

Published March 17, 2021 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Liz Young

Click the Frog to Join the Party

Genre: Humour

Word Count: 100

NOT BY BREAD ALONE

Dale shielded her eyes. “Let’s sit here under this magnificent shade tree.”  

As Russell sank down in the grass, Liza-Jane snatched his sandwich. “Hey!” He scowled the dog.

“I brought an extra, just in case.” Rochelle handed it to him. “Hope you don’t mind peanut butter on wholegrain, gluten-free bread.”

Liza-Jane sniffed at it and whimpered. Russell grimaced. “Thanks.”

Rochelle bit into her sandwich. “Mmm. Peanut Butter. George Washington Carver’s greatest gift to mankind.

“For your information, Ms. History-Buff.” Dale munched on her PB&J on a croissant. “Peanut butter was first patented by Canadian pharmacist Marcellus Gilmore Edson in 1884.

***

Click here for Information that won’t stick to the roof of your mouth. 

 

Weekend Word Prompt – Element

Published March 6, 2021 by rochellewisoff

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in Sammi’s Comment Section.

Once more I’m led down Memory Lane. I can’t say I miss the job, but I did have some good times and meet some interesting people. The photo has very little to do with the story. It’s me with my very first book–an anthology of short stories. I had five more years to go at the J.O.B. 

My grocery store coworker loved the element of surprise. More than once he snuck up on me while I decorated a cake.

“Boo!”

“Wait for it, Danny Boy. You’ll get yours.

One evening I squirted royal blue icing under his driver’s side door handle.

Revenge is sweet.

5 March 2021

Published March 3, 2021 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

Genre: Histrionic Friction

Word Count: 100

UN-A-MUSED

A blank computer screen mocks me. I type, “It was a dark and stormy night.” I backspace over it. Frustration reigns supreme. “He was a stormy, dark knight.”

Screw it.

Backspace.

My mind’s as gray as the sky outside. Whoever heard of a sky inside?

Oy.

Maybe it’s all the binge watching on Netflix that has my empty mind swimming in circles.

That’s it! I’ll write about swimming. “Sloshing, stroking, flipping. Blissfully skimming.”

Backspace.

How many odes have I written to my inner mermaid?

“Dear Muse, where are you?”

The words flash across the monitor.

“Moved. Left no forwarding address.”

Weekend Writing Prompt – Gargantuan

Published February 6, 2021 by rochellewisoff

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in Sammi’s Comment Section.

96 words might seem like a gargantuan task compared to some of Sammi’s recent word counts of fewer than 50. This one took me down Memory Lane once more. I think Sammi’s helping me write my memoires. 😉 

Gargantuan described this 9 pound sweetheart. 😉

PREPARED

Carol Burnett compared giving birth to “taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.”

My own assessment is that it’s like passing a gargantuan—

You get the idea.

Natural childbirth gained popularity in the 1970’s. My husband and I went to the classes. We learned the relaxation and breathing techniques to minimize—

Wait! We never referred to a contraction as a pain.

I took pride in watching my children make their appearances, fully awake and aware.

I’m still proud of this accomplishment. In retrospect I wish I could’ve been anesthetized through their teen years.

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