Humor

All posts in the Humor category

5 August 2022

Published August 3, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Sandra Crook

Genre: Hysterical Faction
Word Count: 100

ROAD READY

My best friend and I took Driver’s Ed the year we turned sixteen thinking we’d get our licenses together.

I passed the written part with flying colors. Recognizing road signs and learning the rules of the road was a snap.

The actual driving part was another story. Both excitement and terror welled up as I gripped the steering wheel. Images of every traffic accident I’d seen on the news zipped through my mind.

My instructor shook his head at my attempt to parallel park. “Your final driving score is negative fifty-one. Might I suggest you purchase a lifetime bus pass?”

22 July 2022

Published July 20, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Fleur Lind

Genre: Hysterical Faction
Word Count: 100

CHLORINE DEPRIVATION

Retirement has certainly taken the sting out of Monday. Every day is a weekend. Monday’s one of my swim days. Fifty-four invigorating laps. This morning I tingle with anticipation.

Sipping my morning coffee, I check my emails which are mostly deletable spams.

“What’s this? A member announcement from my fitness center? Have my old-fogy dues gone up again?”

My breath catches in my throat as I read. It’s as if I’m staring down a tunnel with no light on the other side.

“ ‘The Indoor Pools, both lap and rec, will be closed until further notice due to lifeguard shortages.’

Nooooooo!”

8 July 2022

Published July 6, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Genre: Fanciful Fiction
Word Count: 100

WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE

Gretta gazed at the mountain of wool beside her spinning wheel. How she longed to be outside with her friend Heinrich to watch the sheep and play with the newborn lambs.

“I would gladly trade my baby brother for some magic help.”

She yawned. The whir of the wheel lulled her.

“I’m here to spin this wool into yarn for you, little girl.”

Gretta rubbed her eyes and gasped to see a dwarf with pointed ears. “Yes!”

He laughed. “Your brother’s mine.”  

Mama shook her. “Wake up and get back to work!”

Gretta sighed. “Where’s Rumpelstiltskin when I need him?”

If you’re unfamiliar with Rumpelstiltskin CLICK HERE.

17 June 2021

Published June 15, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

I was going to post a rerun because I’ve been under the weather this past week. I’ve since rallied a bit and am on the mend. The photo is mine and my following tale of woe will explain.

Genre: Hysterical Non-Fiction
Word Count: 100

PITY PARTY – TABLE FOR ONE

Rochelle’s hot tears trickled down her cheeks. “I missed my kindergarten party on the last day because of measles.”

“Seriously? This still bothers you? That was over sixty years ago.”

“Don’t you see? It’s come full circle. I’m missing another party. It’s enough we had to cancel our fifty-year reunion last year due to COVID. We worked hard to make our fifty-plus-one reunion a huge success without virus worries.”

“It’s a great party.” Annie smiled from her square. “You should be proud.”

“This sucks. It’s not how I planned to spend my evening.”

“You mean on Zoom?”

“Stricken with COVID.”   

I was on the planning committee for my class reunion. They had a Zoom session set up so we could see and interact with those who were there and those who weren’t. Annie’s on the bottom left and she and I continued to chat long after the others signed off. Thanks for being my high point, Annie.
These are the lovely ladies of the committee. How sweet they were to make sure I was part of the picture.

3 June 2022

Published June 1, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Lisa Fox

Genre: Historical Fiction circa 1935
Word Count: 100

MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU

Nine-year-old Melvyn Kaminsky held his breath as he stood by the tenement window watching for Uncle Joe’s checkered cab. He could always tell when it was his uncle’s because he was so short the cab appeared to be driverless.

            Uncle Joe’s friend gave him two complimentary tickets for a Broadway play— Anything Goes by the great Cole Porter, starring Ethel Merman.

            Melvyn hid on the cab’s floor so Uncle Joe wouldn’t get in trouble for giving out free rides.  

            From the dizzying last row of the second balcony, the future Mel Brooks decided there was no business like show business.

A FEW FACTS ABOUT MEL

27 May 2022

Published May 25, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Brenda Cox

Genre: Friction
Word Count: 100

ENDURING FREEDOM

Relentless sun beat down on the roof of the cramped enclosure. How long could this heat last? Mopping sweat from her brow, she reminded herself she no longer had to endure incessant demands of an unreasonable ruler.

“‘I am the master of my fate:
  I am the captain of my soul.’”

“How much for this one?” A man pointed to a framed tricycle print.

“$30.00 plus tax.”

“Sold. My wife will love it.”

“Thank you for your business.”

As he walked away smiling, Rochelle grinned at Jan. “Another profitable day under the purple tent. This certainly beats punching a timeclock.” 

Click to check out my ART PAGE

20 May 2022

Published May 18, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. (Although I can’t imagine what one would want to use this photo 😉 ) It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

The following story is the first thing that popped into my head and begged to be shared. As you can see, I’m literally seeing double. 😉

Genre: Memoir
Word Count: 100

HOLIDAY TRADITION

            During the holiday season we exchanged wish lists ahead of time, so no one received a Chia head or underwear they didn’t want. For grins and giggles, we’d add impossible things to our lists.

            During our leanest years my husband would ask for a shoebox full of twenties. That is, until the Christmas the kids and I filled a shoebox with twenty safety pins, twenty pennies, twenty paper clips, and so on.

            The year I finished my first novel, I added to my list, “A literary agent with a contract and huge check.”

            And my wish was granted. Sort of.

A picture, they say, is worth a thousand words. Please forgive the fact my story requires this photo to be understood. My very clever son, Travis made this little figurine and is one of my favorite gifts of all time.

15 April 2022

Published April 13, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson

Genre: Plain Ole Fiction
Word Count: 100

SUBJECT TO CHANGE

Ted set up a row of chairs in the reception hall. Jessica plopped down on one and pouted. “This is all-kinds-of wrong.”

“Hey sis, ever hear of John Cram?”

“No.”   

“Lemme educate you. John Cram patented the folding chair in 1855. Then in 1947 Fred Arnold created the first aluminum one and by 1957 his company was manufacturing—”

“Ooh, cram your history, Mr. Wikipedia.” Jessica gritted her teeth. Tears stung her eyes. “It’s just not fair.”

Ted hugged her.  “You’re going to be a gorgeous bride tomorrow.”

“What about my garden wedding? It’s not supposed to snow in May.”

8 April 2022

Published April 6, 2022 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © David Stewart

Genre: Historical Friction
Word Count: 100

TRASH 80

            “Isn’t it beautiful?” Jan showed off his latest acquisition from Radio Shack.

            I fumed. “Our electric typewriter works just fine. A computer will end up being another dust collector like your precious Polaroid SX-70.”

            “How was I supposed to know the film would cost a fortune?”         

***

            Several years have passed since that day.  I’ve acquired my own desktop, scanner-printer combo, a laptop for travel and Jan takes sharp pictures with his iPad.  

            He reads the screen over my shoulder and says with a sly smile, “Lemme get you a rag.”

            “Why?”

            “You’ve been at it for hours. You’re collecting dust.”

*Note: Radio Shack’s computer was actually named TRS 80 but became widely known as Trash 80. From there we went to the Commodore 64 and Jan had a Kaypro, a portable computer that I refer to as the Commodore in a Can. All cutting edge technology in the latter part of the 20th Century.

Remember computers in the early 60’s?

4 February 2022

Published February 2, 2022 by rochellewisoff
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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Na’ama Yehuda

Genre: Hysterical Faction
Word Count: 100

CUSTOMER DISSERVICE

As a small business owner, Missouri sales taxes I’ve collected the prior year are due 31 January. For five years I’ve sent in a paper form and a handwritten check. No problem.  

This year the Department of Revenue introduced the “more efficient” electronic submission.

Determined to master the system, I kept banging my head and phoned for help five times. Call waits took 45 minutes–minimum. Emails were answered with breakneck-turtle-speed.

Storm clouds of frustration mounted

“Look. I’ve got thirty others waiting,” said one DOR representative.

Two days ago, I sent the paper form and a handwritten check. No problem.

*
*
*

I’m pretty amazed at our growing small business. Loving “retirement.”
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