Dark Humor

All posts in the Dark Humor category

30 December 2016

Published December 28, 2016 by rochellewisoff

happy New Year

As in years past, our mantra in 2017:

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Shaktiki Sharma

PHOTO PROMPT © Shaktiki Sharma


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Genre: Biting Satire

Word Count: 99

QUAFF A CUP TO THE DEAD

“Those eyes,” she whispered. “They set my eighteen-year-old heart aflame.”

My grandmother, an actress and fashion model in the 1930’s, fascinated me. She turned 87 on New Year’s Day 2000. Even in her illness, she insisted her silver hair be perfectly coifed.

“He’s coming for me today. I must be ready to greet him.”

I kissed her rouged parchment-thin cheek. “Nana, he passed away in 1956.”

“Lies! Dracula never died.”  

On the television screen, in black and white, Bela Lugosi bent over the ill-fated Mina. A wheezing sigh escaped Nana’s crimson lips as they spread into a peaceful smile.

 

If you’d like to know more about Mr. Lugosi click HERE.

15 July 2016

Published July 13, 2016 by rochellewisoff

Summer Showcase

Summer is the time for vacations, picnics on the beach and reruns on the telly. For me it’s a time to meet a deadline in July for my third novel in my series entitled AS ONE MUST ONE CAN. Many thanks to those of you who responded to my plea for your favorite reruns. 

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The following photo is the PROMPT. This week’s retread request is from Jennifer Pendergast. If you’re one of those who wrote a story for this prompt feel free to re-post it and enjoy the respite. Remember that all photos are private property and subject to copyright. Use other than Friday Fictioneers by permission only. 

PHOTO PROMPT Copyright-Sandra Crook

PHOTO PROMPT © Sandra Crook

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Genre: Histrionic Fiction

Word Count: 100

Original Post Here

TO THE SHEARING

            My seventh-grade social studies teacher strode the aisles like a stalking tiger.

            “If Seventeen Magazine told you to, you kids would hang beach balls around your necks and dangle pop cans from your ears.”  

            I squirmed in my striped mini dress that varied only in color from seven others in the room.

            “What’s wrong with wanting to fit in?” I asked.

            “You know anything about lemmings?”

            “Good in pie topped with meringue,” whispered the boy behind me.

            My teacher extended his arm, hand straight, palm down and shouted, “Turn in your textbooks to page 245, ‘The Indoctrination of Hitler Youth.’”

***

When Jennifer chose this prompt I was more than happy to comply. TO THE SHEARING remains one of my favorite stories. Not only for the subject matter but because it’s based heavily on one of my favorite, if not most memorable teachers of all times. He worked hard to teach a bunch of awkward pubescent adolescents to think for ourselves. To Kevin McShane, wherever you may be, I salute you!” 

McShane's Admonition

10 June 2016

Published June 8, 2016 by rochellewisoff

Summer Showcase

Summer is the time for vacations, picnics on the beach and reruns on the telly. For me it’s a time to meet a deadline in July for my third novel in my series entitled AS ONE MUST ONE CAN. Many thanks to those of you who responded to my plea for your favorite reruns. 

Thoreau MugsFriday Fictioneers and Poppy

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The following photo is the PROMPT. This week’s retread request is from Jennifer Pendergast. If you’re one of those who wrote a story for this prompt feel free to re-post it and enjoy the respite. Remember that all photos are private property and subject to copyright. Use other than Friday Fictioneers by permission only. 

Copyright - Douglas M. MacIlroy

PHOTO PROMPT © Douglas M. MacIlroy

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Originally posted here.

Genre: Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 99

PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE

            When other kids give Mrs. Loftis flowers she’s all giggly. But when I bring them she gets frowny.

            Why don’t she like me? I read better’n anybody else in first grade and I color in between the lines.  Mommy says it’s my ‘magination.

            Tonight sirens and mad grown-up voices wake me up. I run to Mommy’s room. She’s crying. So’s her boyfriend.

            There’s a gun on the floor and a policeman is putting handcuffs on…Mrs. Loftis? Her face is all twisty and red.

            “You cheap husband stealing tramp!” she shouts.

            Guess it’s not me she don’t like after all.        

4 March 2016

Published March 2, 2016 by rochellewisoff

Thoreau NZ birds

Phriday Phictioneers Phone

The following photo is the PROMPT. Keep in mind that all photos are the property of the contributor, therefore copyrighted and require express permission to use for purposes other than Friday Fictioneers. Giving credit to whom credit is due is proper etiquette. 

Please be considerate and make an effort to stay within the suggested word count. 

Copyright-Sean Fallon

PHOTO PROMPT © Sean Fallon

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Many of you will remember this prompt. It’s one of my first as Friday Fictioneers Fairy Blog Mother. This week I feel the need to direct my writing energy to another project so I’m falling back on a re-run. It’s one of my favorite photos and stories from nearly four years ago. Looking back on the link from that prompt I see that quite a few of you wrote stories for it. Thank you for sticking with it. ❤ Feel free to take a break or write another story. 

Genre: (hopefully not) Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 100

A WELL-ORDERED LIFE

            Prototypical milquetoast, Benjamin Parker wore bow ties and kept to himself. 

            Three days of no-call, no-show to work passed before anyone missed him enough to call the police.

            When we broke into his immaculate apartment we found his pajama-clad body in bed. There were no signs of foul play.

            Jars filled with things like batteries, safety pins, wine corks and matchbooks lined cabinets and counter-tops.

            “Quite the collector. Wonder if he jarred his tidy whities.” I flung open the closet door and choked. “What the—?”

            In single file on the top shelf human heads floated in name-tagged gallon jars.

***

This coming Sunday, March 6, I’ll be interviewed on local TV at 7:50 AM CST. It will be streamed live here.  Click the red new button and then “Live Streaming.” 

And for your listening pleasure.

25 September 2015

Published September 23, 2015 by rochellewisoff

Pane iced Banner

Friday Fictioneers and Poppy

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The next photo is the PHOTO PROMPT. Where does it take you? Tell us in one hundred words or less. 

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Genre: Speculative Fiction

Word Count: 100

UNINVITED

            ‘Ezra the guardian,’ showed up at Jenna’s reception carrying his file, a tattered notebook full of yellowed newspaper clippings and dog-eared photos.

            “What’s that screwball doing here?” I laughed at his sky-blue suitcoat and checkered trousers. 

            “Ask him to dance.” Jenna winked.

            Ezra smiled at me and my scalp tingled.

            “I’d sooner die.” 

***

            In my hasty getaway I collided with an oncoming semi. My windshield exploded, sharp pain shot through my chest and then all feeling ceased.  

***

            “Shall we dance?” whispers Ezra the guardian.

            His smile brings me peace as we hover, hand in hand, over my mangled mortal coil.

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800px-Paradiso_Canto_31 

*Note: In Hebrew Ezra (עזרא) means ‘help’ and is similar to Azriel (עזריאל) which means ‘God’s help.’  Azriel the Archangel of Death. My story is in no way meant to promote a particular belief system, it’s merely the product of my imagination. 

24 July 2015

Published July 22, 2015 by rochellewisoff

Another Hightway

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The following photo is the PHOTO PROMPT, a cool picture for hot days, depending on your side of the globe. Where does it take you? Tell us in a hundred words or less. 

unnamed

PHOTO PROMPT © Dee Lovering

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Genre: Science Friction

Word Count: 100

YOUNGER DRYAS

“The weatherman says we can expect another six inches of global warming tonight.” Kent knelt and shaped a mound of wet snow into a ball. Then he stood and let it fly. “Look out, Taffy. Here comes some of your greenhouse effect!”

The snowball splattered against the back of Taffy’s head and ice rolled down her neck. She spun around. “How can you ignore what’s happening right under your nose?”

“Climate change? Hooey and hogwash!”

Taffy bent and dug a conch shell from a knee-high drift. “Doesn’t this weather strike you as being a bit odd for Florida in mid-July?” 

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Climate-Change-Public-Domain-620x330

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26 December 2014

Published December 24, 2014 by rochellewisoff

happy New Year

JUST IN!!! DUE TO THE BUSY-NESS OF THE HOLIDAYS, I’M EXTENDING THIS PROMPT FOR ANOTHER WEEK. IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD TIME TO WRITE BECAUSE OF FAMILY CELEBRATIONS AND WHAT-NOT THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO POST A BARN BURNER FOR THE NEW YEAR. 

***STAY CALM AND WRITE***

The disc and the dragonfly

Erie Canal

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The next in this line of photos is the PHOTO PROMPT. Is the staircase going up or just coming down? Where does it take you? Tell me your story in a hundred words or less. 

My story follows the prompt and the inLinkz blue frog. I appreciate honest comments and constructive crit. 

PHOTO PROMPT - Copyright -Björn Rudberg

PHOTO PROMPT – Copyright -Björn Rudberg

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Recently, I woke to find that our internet was down. Cut off from my online friends, a sense of panic flooded me. I felt empty and alone. The what-if’s bombarded me. 

Genre: Speculative Fiction

Word Count: 100

EMP

             Couched in complacency, we never saw it coming.

            The first few hours weren’t bad. We figured the electric company would remedy the problem while we enjoyed sandwiches and chips by candlelight and a break from television.  

            After a month we were still in darkness and the grocery shelves were bare.  

            My car with its solid state circuit for a brain is a useless hunk of metal.

            Local doctors are at a loss to treat the simplest diseases.

            Real books are in demand.

            We’re learning to live off the land but the internet is dead and the silence is deafening.  

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