Dark Humor

All posts in the Dark Humor category

1 December 2023

Published November 29, 2023 by rochellewisoff

Dear Friday Fictioneers,
Our Word Press woes continue to challenge us. Some report not being able to comment on some posts at all. If you think you might be missing someone’s comments, check your spam or trash folders. I’ve found quite a few in mine. Also, many of my commentors are showing up as “Anonymous” or “Someone.” If there’s a doubt, please identify yourself. Sorry I can’t be of more help in these situations. I’m merely a user, not a tech. šŸ˜‰ Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMOT Ā© Fleur Lind

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Genre: Speculative Fiction
Word Count: 100

ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE

Couched in complacency, we never saw it coming.

The first few hours werenā€™t bad. We figured the electric company would remedy the problem while we enjoyed sandwiches by candlelight. Breaking from social media to actually communicate was nice.

After a month we were still in darkness and the grocery shelves were bare.

My car with its solid-state circuit for a brain is a useless hunk of metal.

Local doctors are at a loss to treat the simplest ailments.

Real books are in demand.

Weā€™re learning to live off the land, but the internet is dead and silence is deafening.

Weekend Writing Prompt – Histrionics

Published October 31, 2020 by rochellewisoff

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.Ā  How you use the prompt is up to you.Ā  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novelā€¦anything you like. Ā Or take the challenge below ā€“ there are no prizes ā€“ itā€™s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise. Ā If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in Sammi’s Comment Section.

This one’s fiction for me…but tragically not for everyone.Ā 

 

REPARATION

Each time heā€™d wail and beat his chest. ā€œItā€™ll never happen again.ā€

Histrionics and lies.

Cosmetics couldnā€™t conceal the vicious truth.

Her flight left at 06:30.

At 10:00 they found the gun in his hand.

ā€œSuicide,ā€ said police.

Gazing out the airplaneā€™s window, she smiled. ā€œNope. Never again.ā€

14 February 2020

Published February 12, 2020 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT Ā© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Click the Frogs (who aren’t blue) to Hop Along

Genre: Histrionic Fiction

Word Count: 100

OVERDOSE

Itā€™s an icy Missouri day that makes me want to swaddle myself in flannel, sip hot chocolate and watch ancient black and whites.

I flip through the channels. There. ā€œMr. Deeds Goes to Town. Love me some Gary Cooper.ā€ I settle in.

Ā All at once, one of my favorite movie moments where Longfellow Deeds expresses his admiration for Mary Dawson is interrupted by a drug advertisement. An adorable toddler chases after an irresistible puppy while the announcer rattles off the possibly fatal side effects.

Aromatase inhibitors? Sulfonylureas? Cosentix? Eliquis? Methotrexate?

Iā€™d walk a mile for an old fashion cigarette commercial.

*Note: I don’t know if this is a United States only lament but it seems there’s a new drug on the market every day. It’s not like we can go to the local pharmacy and get these without a prescription so I don’t know why we’re bombarded with annoying advertisements.Ā Ā 

CLICK HERE for more info

7 June 2019

Published June 5, 2019 by rochellewisoff

Dear Friday Fictioneers,

While I realize my page is FF central where you come for the prompt and instructions,the lower half of the page is also my comment section. In light of this, I have a favor to ask of all of you. When you have an issue such as problems with linking in the inLinkz or have a technical question, please direct these to my email runtshell@gmail.com. I check my email as often as I look at my comments (which I also appreciate greatly). Thank you for your consideration.

Shalom,

Rochelle

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.Ā 

PHOTO PROMPT Ā© Ceayr

CLICK ZE FROG, S’ILĀ  VOUS PLAIT

Genre: Murder Mystery

Word Count: 100

KARMA BITES

Detective Lowry studied the corpse and otherwise orderly apartment. ā€œCause of death?ā€

Medical Examiner Gayer zipped the body bag. ā€œIt couldā€™ve been the knife in his back, the bullet through his heart or the blunt force trauma to his skull with a flower pot.ā€

The detective donned a pair of rubber gloves and lifted a shattered laptop from a mound of potting soil. ā€œNothing seems out of place unless you count this and the old Scot, of course. Going to be a tough case to crack.ā€

ā€œNot enough evidence?ā€ Ā 

ā€œOn the contrary. Ten women have already confessed to the crime.ā€

17 November 2017

Published November 15, 2017 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.Ā 

PHOTO PROMPT Ā© J Hardy Carroll

Please be considerate and keep your stories to 100 words. Thank you.Ā 

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Genre: Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 100

LAST RITES

Grandma Tollard met Jeannie at the front door, her long grey hair askew. She seized Jeannieā€™s arm with one bony hand. ā€œThank you for coming, dear.ā€

ā€œWhat happened?ā€

ā€œIā€¦we, that isā€¦heā€¦he had a heart attack andā€”ā€

ā€œDid you call 911?ā€ Ā 

ā€œā€”heā€™s dead. I called Fr. Jenson.ā€

Grandma clutched her lace peignoir robe at the neck and led Jeannie to the bedroom. Biting her quivering lip, Jeannie pulled the sheet over her grandfatherā€™s grinning countenance.

She wrapped a comforting arm around her weeping grandmother.

Grandma sniffed. ā€œIā€™ll never forget his final words to me.ā€

ā€œWhat were they?ā€ Ā 

ā€œā€˜Hi-ho Silver!ā€™ā€

Many thanks to my BFF Jeannie O’Hare for her generosity in allowing me to share her strange but true family stories. Some things just can’t be made up…but they can be embellished.Ā 

Jeannie and me

To hear my interview on Impact USA radio last weekĀ Ā CLICK HERE

30 December 2016

Published December 28, 2016 by rochellewisoff

happy New Year

As in years past, our mantra in 2017:

South KC Sky Banner

Blue Ceiling FF

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.Ā 

PHOTO PROMPT Ā© Shaktiki Sharma

PHOTO PROMPT Ā© Shaktiki Sharma


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Genre: Biting Satire

Word Count: 99

QUAFF A CUP TO THE DEAD

ā€œThose eyes,ā€ she whispered. ā€œThey set my eighteen-year-old heart aflame.ā€

My grandmother, an actress and fashion model in the 1930’s, fascinated me. She turned 87 on New Yearā€™s Day 2000. Even in her illness, she insisted her silver hair be perfectly coifed.

ā€œHeā€™s coming for me today. I must be ready to greet him.ā€

I kissed her rouged parchment-thin cheek. ā€œNana, he passed away in 1956.ā€

ā€œLies! Dracula never died.ā€ Ā 

On the television screen, in black and white, Bela Lugosi bent over the ill-fated Mina. A wheezing sigh escaped Nana’sĀ crimson lips as they spread into a peaceful smile.

 

If you’d like to know more about Mr. Lugosi click HERE.

15 July 2016

Published July 13, 2016 by rochellewisoff

Summer Showcase

Summer is the time for vacations, picnics on the beach and reruns on the telly. For me it’s a time to meet a deadline in July for my third novel in my series entitled AS ONE MUST ONE CAN. Many thanks to those of you who responded to my plea for your favorite reruns.Ā 

Erie Canal

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The following photo is the PROMPT. This week’s retread request is from Jennifer Pendergast.Ā If you’re one of those who wrote a story for this prompt feel free to re-post it and enjoy the respite. Remember that all photos are private property and subject to copyright. Use other than Friday Fictioneers by permission only.Ā 

PHOTO PROMPT Copyright-Sandra Crook

PHOTO PROMPT Ā©Ā Sandra Crook

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Genre: Histrionic Fiction

Word Count: 100

Original Post Here

TO THE SHEARING

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  My seventh-grade social studies teacher strode the aisles like a stalking tiger.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œIf Seventeen Magazine told you to, you kids would hang beach balls around your necks and dangle pop cans from your ears.ā€ Ā 

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  I squirmed in my striped mini dress that varied only in color from seven others in the room.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œWhatā€™s wrong with wanting to fit in?ā€ I asked.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œYou know anything about lemmings?ā€

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œGood in pie topped with meringue,ā€ whispered the boy behind me.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  My teacher extended his arm, hand straight, palm down and shouted, ā€œTurn in your textbooks to page 245, ā€˜The Indoctrination of Hitler Youth.ā€™ā€

***

When Jennifer chose this prompt I was more than happy to comply. TO THE SHEARING remains one of my favorite stories. Not only for the subject matter but because it’s based heavily on one of my favorite, if not most memorable teachers of all times. He worked hard to teach a bunch of awkward pubescent adolescents to think for ourselves. To Kevin McShane, wherever you may be, I salute you!”Ā 

McShane's Admonition

10 June 2016

Published June 8, 2016 by rochellewisoff

Summer Showcase

Summer is the time for vacations, picnics on the beach and reruns on the telly. For me it’s a time to meet a deadline in July for my third novel in my series entitled AS ONE MUST ONE CAN. Many thanks to those of you who responded to my plea for your favorite reruns.Ā 

Thoreau MugsFriday Fictioneers and Poppy

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The following photo is the PROMPT. This week’s retread request is from Jennifer Pendergast.Ā If you’re one of those who wrote a story for this prompt feel free to re-post it and enjoy the respite. Remember that all photos are private property and subject to copyright. Use other than Friday Fictioneers by permission only.Ā 

Copyright - Douglas M. MacIlroy

PHOTO PROMPT Ā© Douglas M. MacIlroy

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Originally posted here.

Genre: Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 99

PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  When other kids give Mrs. Loftis flowers sheā€™s all giggly. But when I bring them she gets frowny.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Why donā€™t she like me? I read betterā€™n anybody else in first grade and I color in between the lines.Ā  Mommy says itā€™s my ā€˜magination.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Tonight sirens and mad grown-up voices wake me up. I run to Mommyā€™s room. Sheā€™s crying. Soā€™s her boyfriend.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Thereā€™s a gun on the floor and a policeman is putting handcuffs onā€¦Mrs. Loftis? Her face is all twisty and red.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œYou cheap husband stealing tramp!ā€ she shouts.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Guess itā€™s not me she donā€™t like after all. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Ā 

4 March 2016

Published March 2, 2016 by rochellewisoff

Thoreau NZ birds

Phriday Phictioneers Phone

The following photo is the PROMPT. Keep in mind that all photos are the property of the contributor, therefore copyrighted and require express permission to use for purposes other than Friday Fictioneers. Giving credit to whom credit is due is proper etiquette.Ā 

Please be considerate and make an effort to stay within the suggested word count.Ā 

Copyright-Sean Fallon

PHOTO PROMPT Ā©Ā Sean Fallon

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Many of you will remember this prompt. It’s one of my first as Friday Fictioneers Fairy Blog Mother. This week I feel the need to direct my writing energy to another project so I’m falling back on a re-run. It’s one of my favorite photos and stories from nearly four years ago. Looking back on the link from that prompt I see that quite a few of you wrote stories for it. Thank you for sticking with it. ā¤ Feel free to take a break or write another story.Ā 

Genre: (hopefully not) Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 100

A WELL-ORDERED LIFE

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Prototypical milquetoast, Benjamin Parker wore bow ties and kept to himself.Ā 

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Three days of no-call, no-show to work passed before anyone missed him enough to call the police.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  When we broke into his immaculate apartment we found his pajama-clad body in bed. There were no signs of foul play.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Jars filled with things like batteries, safety pins, wine corks and matchbooks lined cabinets and counter-tops.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œQuite the collector. Wonder if he jarred his tidy whities.ā€ I flung open the closet door and choked. ā€œWhat theā€”?ā€

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  In single file on the top shelf human heads floated in name-tagged gallon jars.

***

This coming Sunday, March 6, I’ll be interviewed on local TV at 7:50 AM CST. It will be streamed live here.Ā Ā Click the red new button and then “Live Streaming.”Ā 

And for your listening pleasure.

25 September 2015

Published September 23, 2015 by rochellewisoff

Pane iced Banner

Friday Fictioneers and Poppy

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The next photo is the PHOTO PROMPT. Where does it take you? Tell us in one hundred words or less.Ā 

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Genre: Speculative Fiction

Word Count: 100

UNINVITED

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€˜Ezra the guardian,ā€™ showed up at Jennaā€™s reception carrying his file, a tattered notebook full of yellowed newspaper clippings and dog-eared photos.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œWhatā€™s that screwball doing here?ā€ I laughed at his sky-blue suitcoat and checkered trousers.Ā 

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œAsk him to dance.ā€ Jenna winked.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Ezra smiled at me and my scalp tingled.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œIā€™d sooner die.ā€Ā 

***

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  In my hasty getaway I collided with an oncoming semi. My windshield exploded, sharp pain shot through my chest and then all feeling ceased. Ā 

***

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  ā€œShall we dance?ā€ whispers Ezra the guardian.

Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  His smile brings me peace as we hover, hand in hand, over my mangled mortal coil.

.

.

800px-Paradiso_Canto_31Ā 

*Note: In Hebrew Ezra (עז×Øא) means ‘help’ and is similar to Azriel (עז×Øיאל) which means ‘God’s help.’ Ā Azriel the Archangel of Death. My story is in no way meant to promote a particular belief system, it’s merely the product of my imagination.Ā 

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