humor

All posts tagged humor

8 February 2019

Published February 6, 2019 by rochellewisoff

 

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As always, please be considerate of your fellow Fictioneers and keep your stories to 100 words. (Title is not included in the word count.)  Many thanks. 

The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Anshu Bhojnagarwala

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When I saw this picture, I decided it was the perfect time to rerun one of my favorites. Some of you might remember this one from four and a half years ago. 

Genre: Hysterical Fiction

Word Count: 100

FIRE IN THE HOLE

            Two months ago my husband bought a dehydrator, a nifty gadget that reduces ten pounds of apples to less than a pound of mummified slices in a matter of hours.

            “Think of the money we’ll save,” said Jeff. 

            “Seriously?” I rolled my eyes.

             The final straw came when he dehydrated jalapeños.

            A short time later the dog begged to be let out. With my howling baby tucked under one arm and a handkerchief over my stinging nose I blindly kicked open the front door.

            It took a week to fumigate the house. It’ll take longer to let Jeff back in.

                       

4 January 2019

Published January 2, 2019 by rochellewisoff

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As always, please be considerate of your fellow Fictioneers and keep your stories to 100 words. (Title is not included in the word count.)  Many thanks. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Russell Gayer

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Genre: Historical Friction

Word Count: 100

PILLAR OF FAITH

“Hurry, wife. The city’s crumbling around us.” The aged patriarch bent to fasten his sandals, and straightened with a groan. “Oy. I’m too old for this.”

            “Do you prefer the blue tunic or the beige?” She held them up. “I think the blue brings out my eyes.”

            “Woman! Are you meshuga? An angel warns us of the incoming wrath of God and you’re concerned with clothes?”

            “No fashion sense.” She rolled her eyes. “You really believe this judgement mishegoss, don’t you?”

            “Don’t you?”

            “Angel shmangel.” She shrugged. “Lot, my love. I take everything you say with a grain of salt.”  

*For those unfamiliar with Old Testament Bible stories, when God delivered Lot and his family from the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, the angel had instructed them not to look back. Lot’s wife did and turned into a pillar of salt. 

***

ANNOUNCING:

My Coffee Table book A STONE FOR THE JOURNEY is now available on Amazon KINDLE, Paperback or Hardcover.  Hardcover is also available at Barnes & Noble.com

I’m not crazy about the formatting job they did on the Kindle, but it’s all there. 😉 I’ve yet to see the paperback version so I reserve opinion. Nor do I understand why the paperback and hardcover are the same price. 

 

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17 November 2017

Published November 15, 2017 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll

Please be considerate and keep your stories to 100 words. Thank you. 

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Genre: Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 100

LAST RITES

Grandma Tollard met Jeannie at the front door, her long grey hair askew. She seized Jeannie’s arm with one bony hand. “Thank you for coming, dear.”

“What happened?”

“I…we, that is…he…he had a heart attack and—”

“Did you call 911?”  

“—he’s dead. I called Fr. Jenson.”

Grandma clutched her lace peignoir robe at the neck and led Jeannie to the bedroom. Biting her quivering lip, Jeannie pulled the sheet over her grandfather’s grinning countenance.

She wrapped a comforting arm around her weeping grandmother.

Grandma sniffed. “I’ll never forget his final words to me.”

“What were they?”  

“‘Hi-ho Silver!’”

Many thanks to my BFF Jeannie O’Hare for her generosity in allowing me to share her strange but true family stories. Some things just can’t be made up…but they can be embellished. 

Jeannie and me

To hear my interview on Impact USA radio last week  CLICK HERE

13 October 2017

Published October 11, 2017 by rochellewisoff

My story with a message from last week:

Please be considerate and keep your story to 100 words. Thank you. 

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO POMPT © Douglas M. MacIlroy

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Genre: Hysterical Fiction

Word Count: 100

BIRD THONG

“Raaaawk! Perry pecked a pack of pimpled pipers.” The bird flapped his feathers and strutted across his perch. “Perry’s pimpled pipers ate pickled peaches. Raaaawk!”

Connie swept bird poo beneath his post, dumped it in the trash, and shook her head. “It’s Peter Piper, you silly goose.”

“Hoooonk! I’m a goose!”

“No, you’re a Mynah bird.”

“Raaaaawk! Mynah place or yours, sexy thing?”

“Don’t! Stop it, you dumb bird.”

“Don’t! Stop! Don’t stop! Don’t stop!”

Outside, her husband’s truck juddered into the driveway. She met him at the door. “Russell Gayer, why can’t we have a dog like normal people?”

Th-th-that’s all folks!!!

7 July 2017

Published July 5, 2017 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Claire Sheldon

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Genre: Hysterical Fiction

Word Count: 100

GEM OF AN IDEA

            Darren scratched his ear with a straightened paperclip. Gina slapped it from his hand. “Stop! You’ll perforate your eardrum!”

            “Then I won’t havta hear your nagging.”

            “Ohhh, just do your homework.”

            “Do your own.” He rolled his eyes. “Sisters.”

            “My report’s done.” She stacked three typewritten pages and paper-clipped the corners together. “Consider the lowly paperclip. Know who invented it?”

            “Who cares?”

            “Some think it was Johan Vaaler, a Norwegian. But it was actually an American, William D. Middlebrook, who even patented the machine to make them in 1899. Whaddya think?”  

            “I think you need to get a life.”

*

*

9 June 2017

Published June 7, 2017 by rochellewisoff

The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Sarah Potter

Please be considerate and try to keep your story to 100 words. Thank you. 

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No doubt everyone has their own version of my story. This came to mind on one such night where I solved all of the world’s troubles and none of my own. 

Genre: Somewhat humorous

Word Count: 99

EARWORM

            I stare at the ceiling fan, hoping to hypnotize myself into oblivion. Instead my tangled thoughts rage with each rotation.

            “Sherry ba-abeee…Sher-er-reee.”

            Midnight.

            “I’m gonna make a you my-yi-yi-in.”

            “Authors are a dime a dozen. Chaim Potok I’ll never be. Loser.”

            “Come, come, come out toniiight.”

            01:45

            Every person who’s ever wronged me comes to mind. I plot revenge.

            “We’ll dance the night awaaaay.”

            03:30. Numpty o’clock. I should just get up.

            Finally my head sinks into the hollow of my pillow and I succumb to a delicious wave of drowse.

            “Crap! I forgot to pay the gas bill.”

*

*

*

And just because I can. 😈 Buah ha ha!

10 February 2017

Published February 8, 2017 by rochellewisoff

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Another HighwayThe next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

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Contrary to the familiar Thoreau quote, this week it’s what I’m looking at that matters in my story. 

Genre: Hysterical Fiction

World Count: 100

ETHEL AND CHERYL AND TED AND ALICE

              Ethel, Cheryl and Ted strolled along the banks of Egg Lake singing “Alice’s Restaurant” in three-part harmony.

            “Walk right in, it’s around the back…,” sang Ethel.

            Cheryl chimed in with, “…just a half a mile from the railroad track.”

            Ted stopped at the lake’s edge and raised his trusty Canon. “Whoa, what a great shot!”

            Ethel frowned. “With all this beautiful scenery why would you take a picture of an old chair in the water?”

            “To post on my blog.” Ted snapped another angle. “I never know when that purple-obsessed midget might snag one of my photos for Friday Fictioneers.”

.

.

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Ted and a familiar book. 😉

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