Published July 26, 2012 by rochellewisoff

I’m multitasking this morning. Trying to cram down breakfast, put on makeup and post my story for Friday Fictioneers at the same time. Then it’s off to work. 97 words this go around.

“Nice doggie,” whispered Jolie.

Huddled against the fence she faced a mouthful of Pit Bull teeth. Which would be worse–the whipping she’d get for losing Grandma’s ring or to be eaten alive by a junkyard dog?

A few inches from the behemoth’s haunch, moonlight glinted off the sapphire. With her eyes fixed on his, she slid her hand toward the ring, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

But he snapped to his feet with a roaring bark and lunged.

Her heart thrashed against her ribs.

In one ferocious bite the Copperhead skulking toward her met a grisly fate.

37 comments on “SNARL

  • Okay, Rochelle, i'll bite…That was a great story. You took it right from faucet to junkyard to vicious dog to hero canine and all it cost was a mean old snake, and a poisonous one to boot. You are a real story teller and have left us all in the dust. Now I'm sitting here wondering what to write and looking around for snakes. Thanks a lot.Aloha,Doug


  • Another good story. I bet the little girl became fast friends with the 'junkyard dog' after that. And grandma soon forgot about her missing ring when she found her little grand daughter safe, and was ready to feed home made cookies to the 'junkyard dog' for his bravery.


  • Hey! I just forgot to include my link to my story too. I posted it this morning. I had a time though trying to find the new web site for the FF to get my link up on there, but it is now. Here it is for you if you can't get to it there. It was a bit of a by-pass to get there this time around. Here's mine.


  • I see you did it again, my friend, with another surprise ending. You have a good pit bull here. FYI, there are all sorts of dogs in my bldg…the only dogs banned are pit bulls. You know where to find me. lol.


  • Hurrah for animal heroes – and not the slithery kind! ;)Great story within so few words, well done. I didn't get the twist until I read Doug's comment; I didn't know a copperhead was a snake. Please keep them on your side of the Atlantic!You've already commented on ours – thanks.


  • A lot of story in 100 words.I loved he way you led us for fearing for the girl about to be attacked by a ferocious dog to suddenly the dog being the hero. Clever.A great read – thanks.


  • Nice twist at the end. Happy she survived. I liked "Her heart thrashed against her ribs." I haven't run across thrashed used like that before. 🙂 Be careful with punctuation (an em-dash would be more appropriate than a semi-colon after "worse"; commas aren't necessary after "but" or "the").


  • You captured the tension very well. This was a complete short story and that's hard to do with 97 words. I like the image of the girl staring over at the junkyard dog and wondering what to do.


  • Loved the image of her heart "thrashing" against her ribs, and the turn at the end, making the scary guard dog into an ally (this reminded me a little of the Sandlot, if you know that movie). Nice job!


  • I think you captured everyone's hearts with this story. Great tension and release. And after the weekend I had with Lottie (my pit grand-dog who had to be rescued) last weekend, I really appreciated the snake in the end 😉


  • This was wonderful, Rochelle! I love the way you completely turned the story around. One of my favorite philosophies: Don't judge a book by its cover. :)–Jan


  • Speak to me so I know someone's reading me. (Your comments brighten my day.)

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