WELCOME TO FRIDAY FICTIONEERS!
Seize the opportunity to free your muse and allow her take you on a magic carpet ride.
Henry David Thoreau said it best.
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
THE CHALLENGE:
Write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.)
THE KEY:
MAKE. EVERY. WORD. COUNT.
THE RULES:
- Copy your URL to the Linkz collection. You’ll find the tab following the photo prompt. It’s the little white box to the left with the blue froggy guy. Click on it and follow directions. This is the best way to get the most reads and comments.
- MAKE SURE YOUR LINK IS SPECIFIC TO YOUR FLASH.
- While our name implies “fiction only” it’s perfectly Kosher to write a non-fiction piece as long as it meets the challenge of being a complete story in 100 words.
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- ***PLEASE MAKE NOTE IN YOUR BLOG IF YOU PREFER NOT TO RECEIVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.***
- REMINDER: This page is “FRIDAY FICTIONEERS CENTRAL” and is NOT the place to promote political or religious views. Also, you are responsible for the content of your story and policing comments on your blog. You have the right to delete any you consider offensive.
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😉
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Should someone have severe or hostile differences of opinion with another person it’s my hope that the involved parties would settle their disputes in private.
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- 😉 My story follows the photo and link tool. I enjoy honest comments and welcome constructive criticism. 😀
Genre: Literary Fiction
Word Count: 98
PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE
When other kids give Mrs. Loftis flowers she’s all giggly. But when I bring them she gets frowny.
Why don’t she like me? I read better’n anybody else in first grade and I color in between the lines. Mommy says it’s my ‘magination.
Tonight sirens and mad grown-up voices wake me up. I run to Mommy’s room. She’s crying. So’s her boyfriend.
There’s a gun on the floor and a policeman is putting handcuffs on…Mrs. Loftis? Her face is all twisty and red.
“You cheap husband-stealing tramp!” she shouts.
Guess it’s not me she don’t like after all.
The child’s voice is perfect
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Thank you, Siobhán. 😀
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I can almost see her speaking ! 🙂
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Dear Indrajit,
A high compliment. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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The link up is not working right.
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ya I saw that too ! thought its still “work in progress” !
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Thanks for the alert, Dawn. Glad I was up to fix it. That could’ve been a disaster. It should be working now.
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Wow Rochelle! Perfect intrigue! At least the little girl knows it’s not her that the teacher doesn’t like the girl, she HATES the mother! Now, what’s the boyfriend going to do?
Good story Rochelle! Top notch! Nan 🙂
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Dear Nan,
The story’s based on a recent conversation with a friend. Of course I upped the drama a notch or three. 😉 I’m sure it’s a night to remember for all involved.
Thanks for you comments and compliments. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
The school of hard knocks for that child. I’m glad it’s just a good story. Thank you for using the picture. Loved the title.
Aloha,
Doug
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Dear Doug,
A little more early education than any child should receive. I have to wonder if this story hasn’t played out in reality more than once. I hope not too often. Glad you like the title. My muse is particularly good at those. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank goodness there wasn’t a historical connection to that one! Enjoyed the tease with the word ‘boyfriend’! The story shines. This is an example of what a 100w flash fiction should be …for anyone reading this!
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Dear Hamish,
Thank you for such glowing comments. You’ve made me smile. Love your Sleeping Beauty story, too.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Good story as usual, Rochelle. I agree that the child’s voice is great. Poor child. It looks like everyone is going to suffer. Well written.
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Dear Patricia,
Sometimes a child is the best one to tell the story. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I’m glad the child knows it’s not her fault!
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Dear Liz,
At least it will bring her some closure, although this drama’s not over by a long shot. 😉
Thank you for dropping by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Love it, Rochelle. The child’s voice is perfect!
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Thank you, Adam.
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What great character you’ve created in the child, Rochelle. She/he has a very distinct and appealing voice.
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Dear Karen,
Thank you for saying so. I have a picture of her in my head. Glad that came through.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Another stellar story from you, Rochelle – your timing (if that’s the word) is always fantastic. The child’s voice is unique and very internally consistent. I have to say I was a bit surprised at ‘Grade 1’; the kid felt a bit older to me, but I know NOTHING about children over the age of 17months14days, so you are even more welcome than normal to ignore my reaction.
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Dear Jennifer,
Ignore you or your reaction? I should say not. I think you’ll be surprise when Sebastian is six how observant these kids can be. And, as is sadly the case all too often, some children are forced to grow up too soon.
My eldest son was one of those precocious kids who at four was going on thirty.
Thank you for commenting. Makes me smile.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I’m going to have to reread this when I’ve got more time and try to pinpoint what bothered me, because it wasn’t what he noticed or commented on (those felt spot on for what I remember of being five), it was something to do with the language. The voice put me in mind of a kid like Huck Finn or that sort of age, so the first grade comment surprised me. Like I say, I’ll try to put some time into figuring out why…
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What an unexpected twist! I agree with everyone else, the dialect you used for the child seemed very authentic and really brought the character to life. I feel bad for the poor child, as a vengeful teacher could truly impair the child’s success and learning. A fresh take on the whole “sins of our fathers” theme.Though in this case, it’s the mother!
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Dear Adelie,
At first I tried this from the POV of the little girl grown up, looking back on it. It fell flat. To put it in the child’s POV felt more immediate and personal. I’m glad it worked for you, too.
Thank you
shalom,
Rochelle
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You wrote this story from the child’s perspective so well. He/She will have scars for the rest of their life, I think!
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Dear Lauren,
I saw the child as a girl but I guess it doesn’t matter as much as the incident and the long range effect. I’m happy it worked for you. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Teachers aren’t always fair – no matter what. Thanks for a good read from the child’s POV
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Dear Alicia,
Given the situation I think it would be difficult for the teacher to be objective. Doesn’t make it right. Thank you for reading. Glad you liked.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I really like a story written the way the character speaks . It’s very Mark Twain.ish & Flannery O’Connor.ish. Your writing makes the reader feel as if he’s physically present seeing things first hand.
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Dear Larry,
Thank you for such high praise.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Perfect title and convincing child’s voice. Something a bit different for you but, of course, done well. “Husband-stealing.” 🙂
janet
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Before I got distracted by getting the granola out of the oven before it burned, I mean to add that it’s a shame similar situations happen much too often in the real world. Not just the children are hurt.
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Dear Janet,
This is based on a true story told by a friend. although it wasn’t quite as dramatic. Unfortunately it does teeter on the brink of fact for too many.
I’ve added the hyphen. 😉 98 words now.
shalom,
Rochelle
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want to make sure i followed this correctly. the teacher, mrs. loftis, doesn’t like the kid because the kid’s mother stole mrs. loftis’s boyfriend. and then mrs. loftis showed up and shot the kid’s mother. i’m not trying to criticize the story. i’m just not sure if i’m following the events correctly. it feels like it should be a no-brainer, yet i doubt myself. not sure why. maybe my confusion is because it’s “mrs.” loftis and not “miss” loftis.
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Love, I believe the kid’s mother’s boyfriend is Mrs Loftis’s Husband. So her mommy’s sleeping with her teacher’s hubby.;)
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but she called the mommy a “boyfriend stealer” not a husband stealer.
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Rochelle must have already fixed it. 😉
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makes sense then. thanks.
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I really should know that is not something YOU’d miss.
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have to run to work so i must find it when i get there. sorry again!
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Giving you a hard time is one of my small pleasures in life. 😉
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You are more successful than you might know. But in a good way.
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Dear Rich,
WRong! Mrs. Loftis called a mommy a HUSBAND stealing tramp. It was never “boyfriend.” I am adding the hyphen, though. Thanks.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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ok. then i “saw” boyfriend in the wrong place. as did the mommy.
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Humorous in a way. I guess because nobody died. 🙂
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Dear Dawn,
Nope. Nobody died. Mrs. Loftis threatened with a gun, but either the police got there in time or she couldn’t pull the trigger. It is humorous in a dark way. (I like dark. ) 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, My favorite part was the little kids character, such a distinct voice. Have to say I loved the twist of momma as the adulterer and that her kid at least understood who was actually hated. I think they might of had a teacher parent conference like Steve Carrell in Crazy, Stupid, Love.
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Dear Dana,
Who’da thunk it? The story is loosely based on a true story told by a friend of mine. I’m not familiar with the movie, though. Thank you for commenting. Glad you liked.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Quick synopsis SC is separated from his wife and has a one night stand who turns out is their son’s teacher. Or so he discovers at the parent-teacher conferences.
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Wow. Guess there are a few similarities at that. 😉
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Oh boy! Another child pulled into adult drama. You tell it well, Rochelle.
I like the child’s voice. Words like “frowny” make the story ring true. I’m curious though as to why you chose to use “don’t” instead of “doesn’t.” Most intelligent grade schoolers that I know would get that word correct unless they live in a particularly uneducated area or low-income slum.
I also liked “twisty and red” as well.
Good picture this week too. I think we’ll see a wide variety of tales to accompany it.
Peace,
Marie Gail
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Dear Marie Gail,
I used the “don’t” as apposed to “doesn’t” to make the child seem younger. Also I had the low-income demographic in mind. Even the most intelligent kids may use bad grammar, particularly the younger ones.
It is a fun picture. A lot going on in it if one takes the time to look.
Thanks for commenting. Glad you liked it.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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The low-income dem makes sense. 🙂 I taught younger children in the middle of Kansas and seldom if ever heard this usage from any kids over 4, but in the younger kids in the inner city it would be used because it’s what they hear regularly. In writing, as in real estate, it’s location, location, location. 🙂
Peace,
Marie Gail
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Where I work, I hear this type of “grammaticide” all the time from otherwise intelligent people. It’s grating to my ears but makes great character fodder. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yes, I have a hard time with dialogue because I find the butchering of the English language, even in speech, to be a horrifying crime. 🙂
MG
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it’s not easy to write something through what is called the “unreliable narrator.” he’s telling us what he sees. he doesn’t “see” what we see. yet he gives us enough to “see” what he doesn’t. well done. also, “husband-stealing” would be hypenated in this context, making it now 98 words. two bonus words to add somewhere!!!
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Thank you, Rich. For the compliment and the extra word.
Shalom again,
Rochelle
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most welcomestest
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Oh my goodness, I REALLY did not expect that. I’m still chuckling and smiling. Wonderful, fantastic story Rochelle. I love it.
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Dear Eric,
Thank you so much. Glad you liked it.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Jeannie C. Riley,
I assume this horrible event took place in the otherwise peaceful small town known as Harper Valley, USA. Evidently, your short mini-skirt caught more than the eye of poor Mrs. Loftis’ husband. I am envious of anyone who can color between the lines and hope to be able to achieve that awesome feat at some point in the next 30 years.
congrats on your new hit record – Monty Hall
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Dear Monty,
Thank you for dropping in. Next time I see you I’ll bring along some crayons. 😉
Shalom,
One-hit wonder,
Jeannie
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I hope the husband didn’t die! Oh, what a surprise of a story, Rochelle. Great one. I hope the kid recovers and gets out of that class, and quick! This prompt is not an easy one for me. Still fumbling over a story.
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Dear Amy,
No one died, but I think the cheating husband might have soiled his boxers. The kid doesn’t have to worry about getting out of class. Mrs. Loftis won’t be coming back. 😉 Glad you liked.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Very well done, as usual. I agree with the others …
I like the twist at the end, I thought it was the child’s fault because he was not as smart as he thought he was and teacher was disappointed in him, but I guessed wrong. ;0)
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Dear Phyllis,
I think it would be hard to be a teacher. Like a parent, it wouldn’t be right to play favorites, yet there are some children who are more difficult than others. Of course, in this case, we know the reason for this teacher’s animosity.
Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Mom once had a friend who had many children (I forget how many). Whenever she was out and about with any of them and someone asked her who was her favorite child, she always said,”This one.”
It didn’t matter which child was with her, that one was her favorite.
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That makes me smile, Phyllis. I’ve never understood a parent who plays favorites. I used to tell my kids I had three favorite sons. 😉
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How cute.
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A dark twist. A woman scorned.
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Dear Kim,
Have to write a dark one every so often, don’t I? 😉 Thank you for dropping by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Hi Rochelle, nice story from you as expected. I’m sorry for the girl, you used her voice very nicely. Now will she sympathize with the teacher or ?
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Dear Indira,
It’s hard to say how the girl with feel about her teacher or her mother after this. Thank you for you kind words.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Sorry I’m late to the party this week. Great story Rochelle, and I thought you did the unreliable narrator convincingly. I loved the ‘red and twisty’ face. 🙂 Funnily enough, I saw the child as a boy, and I’ve been back to read it twice to check why I got that impression. I liked the fact that nobody died – that seemed right for the piece. Well done.
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Dear Sandra,
I don’t think it really matters if the reader sees the child as a boy or a girl. As long as it works, who am I to quibble? I didn’t think the child needed to see murder. Adultery was quite enough. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, another masterfully written piece. I admire your versatility. 🙂 The child’s voice was very believable. His innocence and suffering really showed.
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Dear K.Z.
Many thanks for the compliments. It’s fun to play with different voices. Glad this one worked. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Boy, there’s an experience that could turn a kid into The Who’s Tommy! Expertly done as usual and I was totally fooled as to the direction the story was going. Poor kid’s going to have to adjust to a new teacher now too!
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Dear Perry,
Unless I miss my guess, I’d say the next teacher will be much better for the kid than the last. Glad I could fool you. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom and Happy Pesach,
Rochelle
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Ouch! life’s lessons coming too soon for the little girl. The girl’s voice came through very authentically as though you had got into her head.
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Dear Joyfulness,
Definitely a lesson to learn too soon. I’m pleased that her voice worked for you.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Happy Easter! Before I even write or read, the photo is already giving me a smile. Now, I’m off to see what I can write to it… that is, if I can contain the giggles. Too too many chocolate bunnies!
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Dear Faith,
It’s a great picture. I’m happy Doug gave me permission to use it.
Happy Holiday,
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Another perfect story Rochelle and you do it so well. Had me chuckling as I read it. Real life incident you say? Must make for interesting conversations 🙂
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Dear Subroto,
Well the incident didn’t happen quite this way. It was a story told over dinner that inspired me to write this. Not so much drama as I wrote. Thank you for your kind words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It’s always the kids that suffer. At least this kid worked out that it wasn’t him/her after all, and I hope they manage to recover – quite a situation for a kid to experience.
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Dear Ali,
I saw her as a little girl but others saw her/him as a boy. I don’t guess it matters to my story one way or the other. Indeed, the children are always the victims. Thanks for commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Awesome story. Didn’t see where that one was going at all. Mine’s at http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2014/04/electronic-games.html I can’t get the inlinkz to work for me today.
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Dear Shirley,
Glad to see you back and happy you were able to link. For future reference, I can usually link a person from my end as long as I have URL and email address which I can access in the edit section of your comment.
Thank you for your comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Poor baby. As a teacher, I heard many a tale based on similar circumstances, but in those tales it was only the parents who were involved. However, in this day and age it is not an improbability. Good one, Rochelle!
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Dear Lynda,
Fortunately it’s fiction for the most part, although based on a factual event. I’ve no doubt it’s been a reality for someone. Thank you for your comments. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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if there’s something positive about this story, it’s the possibility the little girl will have better luck with the new teacher. .
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true, plaridel. the next teacher has to be better for her.
shalom,
rochelle
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Rochelle… perfection. Love this one! The child’s voice is perfect, as well as her descriptions of the world around her. The only thing I questioned was that final line. I like it, but I’m not sure it rings as true as the rest of the story. If she’d said: “s’pose she doesn’t like mommy either” or something along those lines, it would be left up to the reader to say “aha!” This child sounds very young, and I’m not sure she’d be mature enough (developmentally) to realize that it’s the mother not her that the teacher doesn’t like. Children are perceptive, but at that age their world is very small and internal. I think she would not really connect the dots…. That said, this read so beautifully, I’m not sure that it matters. That’s my two cents worth. 😉 Shalom!
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Dear Dawn,
That was more like five cents worth. 😉 If you hadn’t processed it so well on your own I’d say that there are some precocious kids in the world. My eldest son was one of them. .At the age of six he was processing things you’d never have expected from one so young. So in my mind, this child is one of those who would be able to not only connect the dots but color in between the lines as well.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I always look forward to your visits.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Children are so intuitive… Right emotions & what a climax 🙂
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Dear Anita,
I think children see and know more than we give them credit for. Thank you for dropping by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I could see the scene in the bedroom! I like your story, honest kid’s voice and another different style from you this week, R.
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Dear Ted,
Every so often it’s nice to veer off the beaten path. Glad you liked it.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh wow. I don’t usually like cheating husband stories, but this is an exception. You grabbed me with the poor little child the teacher disliked, because I experienced the same thing as a child, though not for the same reasons… And then, when the sirens went off, and the angry teacher was at her house in handcuffs, and the final line, “Guess it’s not me she don’t like after all,” you made me laugh out loud. I was not expecting that ending, and it cracked me up. Great story! 😀
God bless you,
Cheryl
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Dear Cheryl,
Nothing warms my heart as an author like hearing the reader experienced the full gamut of emotions. Thank you for such wonderful comments.
Happy Resurrection Day,
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Enjoyed this change of pace in your stories, Rochelle. Your characterizations are still top-notch even when it’s not historical fiction 🙂
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Dear Madison,
Friday Fictioneers is a great venue for experimentation and stepping out of my comfort zone. Thank you for the opportunity. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle,
wow it took me a while this week! Actually, I read this on my phone on Wednesday, but couldn’t comment until now. This is some masterful writing. I love how the last line completes the title, summing up and linking the whole piece together. Just…wow. 🙂
-David
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Dear David,
Wow is good. I like wow. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh Rochelle,
Here we can say out of the mouth’s of babes…nice story and a lovely surprise ending! Loved it!
Georgia.
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Dear Bastet,
As Art Linkletter said, “Kids say the darndest things.” Thank you for your lovely comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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🙂 kids are so lovely and Art Linkletter was so right!
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Bad, bad, bad Roach! 😎
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Out of the mouths of babes. Why me bad, Tay?
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Good one! I was not expecting that ending!
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Thank you, Barb. Glad to have caught you off guard. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Great story. The kid’s voice is perfect. Lucy
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Thank you, Lucy,
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At least she got it wasn’t her fault, right? Good one!
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Dear Linda,
Yes, she did understand at last that it wasn’t her fault. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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But, really, she shouldn’t take it out on the kid! 😉 Loved the voice of the child–perfect.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/one-small-step/
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Dear Maggie,
No, she shouldn’t. Thank you. Glad you liked.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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not quite the ideal parent/teacher conference for your young character. i really feel sorry for this poor child.
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Dear Sun,
I feel sorry for her, too, Sun. I’m afraid the road ahead might be a tough one for a while. Thank you for commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I love the child’s voice in this, and it’s such a clever little tale. We all had teachers who didn’t like us for one reason or another (or sometimes no reason at all), luckily we don’t all have parents like this child’s mother!!!
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Dear EL,
It’s sad that the teacher didn’t like this poor kid. At least it wasn’t her fault in this case. Glad you liked my story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Am running awfully late this week Rochelle but a very close friend lost his Mom and I was feeling too low to really stir.Sigh!
This is such an awesome take on the prompt,not that I have ever read anything other than awesome from you,Rochelle 😀 Loved the child’s confusion and how the understanding dawns in the end.Also enjoyed the high voltage drama-so much in less than hundred words-kudos! 🙂
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Dear Atreyee,
No need to apologize. I’m sorry for your friend’s loss as well as your own.
Thank you for your sweet words on my story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yes,life is not always easy but this is a loss we all have to bear.Thank you for understanding and for your support Rochelle-you are a wonderful person 🙂
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Can’t remember if I commented already. If not, Nicely written story. Good twist at the end.
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Dear Weltchy,
Thank you for taking time from your “moving life.” glad you liked my story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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First opportunity I’ve had to read any stories this week. Better late than never
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That’s rather clever! A few lives messed up here, then.
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Dear Patrick,
What’s life in literature without lives destroyed? Village of the Happy People? Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Life through the eyes of a child. A little thing…not being liked against such a horrific backdrop…will inevitably resonate forever, and loom large in the little one’s life forever affecting everything he does. Sad, but unfortunately true more than we can ever know.
hugs…
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Dear Millie,
Fortunately, this particular child is a work of fiction. 😉 No doubt there are real ones out there. The idea for the story came from a friend in her 60’s. Although her memories weren’t quite as dramatic, they were no less real and impacting.
Thank you for the hugs and the comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oooh excellent story Rochelle 🙂 I like how you did the voice of the kid 😀
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Thank you, Al. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a horrible thing for a child to experience, and such a knowing last line. A child old before her time.
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Dear Sarah Ann,
I fear you’re correct in your assessment. Thanks for commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Love the unexpected twist ending 🙂
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Thank you, Macs. 😀
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Poor little kid! How horrible for such a thing to happen at a young age. I think that Mrs.Loftis should have been more angry at her ex husband than at the child’s mom though-but I guess one woman will generally tend to blame the other for her distress and not the common criminal 😀 I also liked the subtle humor in some parts of the story, it was very nicely put together 🙂
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