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- 😉 My story follows the PHOTO PROMPT below and link tool. I enjoy honest comments and welcome constructive criticism. 😀
PHOTO PROMPT Copyright-Ted Strutz
Genre: Historical Fiction
Word Count: 100
BENEATH BUNKER HILL
Determined to keep his promise to Joseph’s orphans and give him a proper burial, Paul searched the grave where dozens were buried. Flies buzzed. Maggots burrowed into the eye-sockets of the nine months’ fallen patriots. Mouldering flesh and matted hair cleaved tenuously to shattered skulls. His gorge rose. He covered his nose and mouth. How would he ever recognise his friend amongst so many?
His thoughts wandered to a day long-past.
****
“Remarkable, Master Revere.” Joseph studied his smiling reflection.
****
Sunlight glinted off a bit of copper in a corpse’s mouth. Paul gasped.
“My dental work. It is General Joseph Warren.”
To know more click here.
I don’t understand. There are 5 photos.
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Dear Bruce,
Sorry to confuse. The first photos are instructions. The photo marked “Prompt- copyright Ted Strutz” is the one to use for inspiration for your 100 word story. Hope this helps.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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With nowhere to go I shamelessly copied your niche, Rochelle, and shamelessly put the story up. The second I apologise for my time zone, and the first, while, it was so interesting to walk your path a little… I find your historical-tied flash fictions so interesting and knew the background to the one I submitted.
This one you penned is an example of how history could be learnt in schools, and should be. Can you imagine any better way than the class reading your tale, looking at the background, then themselves composing their 100 words? Would be wonderful.Great stuff again, and suitably detailed to show the graphics of war.
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Dear Hamish,
I thought your story had a slight historical ring to it. No need to apologize. There’s plenty of history to go around and too little of it is known. Too bad there was no internet when I was in school. Better late than never to learn though, eh?
Thank you for your kind and affirming comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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That’s a great idea on education – Hamish !!
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Agree – maybe I would have been more interested in history if teachers at my school had taken this approach!
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Agreed!
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Maybe that’s why I write historical fiction. I was a terrible history student and never could see any relevance or reason to have to study it. Perhaps it’s because there’s so much history behind me in my own life now. 😉
Love all these comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I’ll answer a big Ditto to all these thoughts. I had one teacher who taught that way.
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You were one of the few. Lucky you. Although Mr. McShane, the teacher for whom I wrote a tribute, made history interesting.
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Dear Rochelle,
When it comes to flash writing, I find it interesting the tools authors use to make their points clear in the shortest pieces of prose. In this piece, your chosen title informs the work. Knowing that Bunker Hill was a part of the narrative drew me directly into the action–I knew who “Paul” was immediately, and the entire piece made perfect sense from the outset. Without the well-chosen title, there may have been some question, but you, my friend, were too wise to let that happen. Instead, you truly made every word count. Kudos.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Dear Marie Gail,
A dear friend of mine told me that a good title can add a hundred words to a story. I’ve found those good words to write by. Your kudos warm my morning. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Amen to that. In fact, the title is often the inspiration for many of my short stoires.
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How easily the identification was done thanks to the dental work.
Great as usual, Rochelle 🙂
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Dear Anita,
According to historical accounts, this was the first case of forensic dentistry. I’m pleased you read and liked my story.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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C’est magnifique, mais ce n’est pas la guerre.
Superb as ever.
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Dear Elephant,
Merci beaucoup.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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That’s once classic history of a dentist! and even more class presentation of story Rochelle !
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Dear Indrajit,
Many thanks for your kind comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You know, that mouldering flesh, matted hair bit is just too grisly, Rochelle. I may have to skip lunch today… Thanks for another interesting historical take – I never know where you’re going to go each week but it’s fun finding out.
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Brown gobbets UP, I threw.
Nice work!
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Dear Cuz,
You don’t give a girl a fighting chance. Happy to slake.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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PS
L’Chaim
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The damned ship … aw, excuse me.
By Ruptured Brook.
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Dear Sandra,
Sorry about your lunch, but your comments make me smile. Thank you for being here each week. I always look forward to your stories and comments. One of the things I’ve found so addictive about Friday Fictioneers has been the reciprocation.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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hello Rochelle,
I though the first paragraph had great rhythm, and was genuinely disturbing. But that last line fell flat for me. Not sure why exactly though. I may just be nitpicking for nitpicking’s sake. Hahaha.
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Dear Craig,
Glad you stopped by my garden party. Thanks for commenting. Nitpicking or no, it’s good to see you here.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I recently posted about my views on graphic writing and how I think gratuitous violence / sex etc can be an easy way to shock readers. Right here, you have a brilliant example of how graphic description can strengthen and not weaken the writing. I was right there with Paul, seeing and smelling those bodies. The description is bang on.
At the risk of a long comment, two little things.
Like Craig, I found the last line a tiny bit flat, I felt a little as though it was a way to get the explanation in there, and him suddenly talking to himself felt a bit unnatural. You could just leave the explanation out – the fact it’s dental work is clear from the rest of the story, and for those who know about this period, the title is as much an identifier as the name. Alternatively, you might consider reframing this as action instead of speech. Something like “Paul gasped, recognising his old friend and patient, and reached for his spade [or took hold of the corpse, or whatever].” You would write this far better than I can, but I hope you get the point.
Second, I must admit I got a bit muddled about the orphans at the beginning. I think it’s because when I got to “dozens were buried”, I thought briefly it was dozens of the orphans. Possibly just “sons” would be clearer, because he’s unlikely to have dozens of sons (Not knowing anything about Bunker HIll I thought maybe the guy ran an orphanage…). Again, a small thing and I don’t want the length of the critique to take away from my reaction to the writing as a whole, but I trust you will see that.
Jen
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Dear Jen,
As always I welcome your thoughtful honesty. .Of course I’d prefer a glowing comment praising my stunning writing skills.
I’ve mulled your suggestions over in my head. You make good points.
As for “orphans”, Joseph Warren’s wife died a few years before Bunker Hill. So orphans stay.
Perhaps, I’ll write a longer version and take all comments into consideration.
BTW, for what it’s worth, Joseph Warren and Doug share the same birthday, June 11. 😉 Doug hopes he doesn’t meet the same end.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Haha, presumably Doug has a better dentist!
I assumed the orphans were factually correct – this being you – I was just trying to show you what impression that bit had left and a possible explanation for why. Certainly orphans made me feel more for them.
And you can always take the glowing praise as read – your writing skills *are* stunning and I hope you reread my first paragraph to realize that my overall reaction was, as ever, admiration.
Best,
Jen
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No worries, Jen.
I did catch the positives in your comments. I really didn’t mean to come across as fishing. I mean it when I say that I appreciate your honesty whether I agree or not. I don’t want you ever to feel that you’re walking on egg shells and can’t voice your thoughts. That’s why that exacto blade is in my sidebar lest we forget “Ghandi with the Wind.”
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Beautiful piece, as always! I didn’t know the story of Bunker Hill until the second picture. Once again I have learned from this!
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Dear Jessie,
I’m always pleased to pass on what I just learned. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a brilliant research work.. yes I saw the dentist’s tool.. but going back in history this way is remarkably clever… BTW, I close my mouth at the sight of his tools… I can feel the pain as a dentist starts to work on me…
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Dear Björn,
I’m overdue for my dental checkup and cleaning. I have to say the tools in the picture don’t exactly motivate me to call.
Thank you for your glowing words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Historical fiction filled with an absolute truth. War stinks. Nobody does it better than you, Rochelle. Terrific story.
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Dear Stephanie,
You make me blush with your praise.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, I always look forward to your story each week because it’s both entertaining and educational. That was a great link. If that description bothered some of us, I can only imagine what it must have been like for the poor man who was there at the time. What a great human being to do that for the family of the deceased. Well written as always. 🙂 —Susan
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Dear Susan,
The scene I wrote is not one I’d want to be physically privy to, that’s for sure. History is a wonderful thing and so are your comments.
Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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AHA! I knew this one! What graphic writing this week! “Mouldering flesh and matted hair cleaved tenuously to shattered skulls.” — Maybe you and Jessica should collaborate!
I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to participate this week, but I just wanted to drop by and see what you’d written, maybe read a couple others.
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Dear Helena,
I’m glad you dropped by. I take it Jessica has a flair for the graphic?
You’ll be missed.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a surprise to see my photo. It will be fun to read the stories. I’ll do something explaining what is in the photo. Now is my busy season so I might not be around much.
I had no idea that Paul Revere was a dentist. As always a history lesson included in a 100 word story. Thanks for the link too.
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Dear Ted,
I like to be spontaneous. 😉 I’m looking forward to learning more about the photo.
I didn’t know until I Googled “history of dentistry” about Paul Revere. No secret that I love working history into my stories whenever the opportunity presents itself.
Thank you for the photo, it’s great.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, I enjoyed the history lesson as well as the story. You packed so much into it, created feeling, told an entire story, and educated all at once. Bravo!
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Dear Gina,
Perhaps if my history teachers in high school had suggested I write historical fiction for homework I might have gotten better grades. I’m happy you liked my story and felt that you learned something. No higher compliment.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle,
I know I would have learned a lot more if it had been presented to me in this way at any point in my school career. Alas, I have it now!
Enjoy your weekend.
Peace and love,
Gina
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I learned something today about Paul Revere. You set the stage beautifully, Rochelle! Although the descriptions were truly awful, I admired your graphic style. I had a little trouble with shifting from Joseph to “General Warren,” and it is only because I am (ahem) able to put two and two together (and also look up General Warren’s first name on Google) that I was able to figure out the ending (also, because it was clear that that was what your story was setting out to do, anyway). I agree with an earlier response that it would be wonderful to teach history this way!
A little comment: I think the shift into a day in the past, and the sudden shift back into the presence without a transitional sentence confused the mood a little. Plus the shift into speech within quotes, as opposed to, say, a sentence in italics to indicate thought, was startling. It’s worth tweaking, in my unasked-for opinion.
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Dear Vijaya,
All good suggestions. I’m not sure I agree but worth pondering. It’s admittedly difficult to make all transitions in a hundred words. At any rate I’m glad you liked my set up and the history.
Thank you,
Shalom,
Rochelle
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And I think this is an extremely difficult prompt image. I really don’t know what to do with it, but I’m going to try.
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Can one say “Delightfully sad?” If so – those words fit my response to your 100 words.
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Dear Alicia,
Delightfully sad? I like that.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Alas, with the imagery projected by Rochelle’s words, you cannot help to learn some unknown history. Whether you want to or not. Yes, I am prejudiced, but isn’t she wonderful?
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What can be better than having your own husband in your corner? Thanks, M’love for commenting.
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Great depiction of the horror of so many corpses and the waste of life that is war, framed in the historical context
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Thank you, Siobhán.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Another cool bit of history from you, Rochelle. A gory one, albeit, but such were the fortunes of war at the time. Well done as always!
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Dear Eric,
Is there such a thing as a non-gory war?
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I really like the details in the first paragraph. So visceral! I admit I had to read the latter half twice before finally understood their dialogue. I guess it just wasn’t clear that Paul was Joseph’s dentist, so it was confusing at the end. I don’t read too much historical fiction, so the nuance might be clearer to other people who do read the genre.
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Dear Jamsun,
You’re not the first to point out the confusion. It seemed clear to some and confusing to a few. At any rate I appreciate the time you took to read and comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Only a dentist would recognition someone by their teeth. Ha.
Good job.
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Thank you, Phyllis. The first recorded forensic dentistry. I just couldn’t let that slip by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Good for you! Keep the history lessons coming. ;0)
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Rochelle, this is some masterful description and as usual, we get a great history lesson as well. I learn new things all the time from your stories. 🙂
-David
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Dear David,
Nice to see you here in the midst of your moving. Glad you liked my story. Your kind words make me smile.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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One of my first thoughts when I saw the prompt was identifying by dental work. I’m glad I did not even attempt it. No way I could have written something as good as this.
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Dear Dawn,
You might be underestimating yourself and your writing abilities. But thank you for your kind words.
shalom,
Rochelle
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I couldn’t agree more with Hamish. Your stories, Rochelle, are both beautiful and educational. Thank you!
Greetings from Greece!
Maria
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Dear Marie,
Thank you for such warm and affirming comments.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Pretty damn good. And now I know I’m aware of all PR’s skills having had a crash wiki course. As someone else commented – what a great way to teach/learn history. (Must rush off to my next class – we’re doing Bunker Hill.)
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Dear Patrick,
Thank you for your affirming comments. Class dismissed.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
This story and your rendering of it takes the phrase ‘gag me…’ to a whole new level.
A marvelous take on the prompt and some gobbets of history thrown onto the pile.
Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Dear Doug,
Always pleased to throw things up to a new level. Maggots and flesh and blood, oh my! Can’t wait to discuss this face to face.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You always recognise a friend, don’t you?
Nice read Rochelle 🙂
Love,
Rishal
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Dear Rishal,
You certainly recognize him when your handiwork is still gleaming in his mouth. 😉 Thank you for reading and commenting. Glad you liked it.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Well done, Rochelle! Your descriptions are gruesome, which gives life to death. Again, thanks for giving us a glimpse into history that would otherwise go unknown to many. 🙂
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Dear Lisa,
“Gives life to death.” Love it. I’m pleased that you liked my snippet of history. It seems that I’ve ruined a few lunches in the group. 😉
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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aloha Rochelle – it is amazing what our hindsight technology can reveal even from centuries ago. a creative take on the historic elements. aloha. rick
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Dear Rick,
Research is one of my favorite parts of writing. History reveals some amazing facts. Happy to have taken you along for the ride.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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researching things that interest me is always a delight. yeah. going along on the ride when the writing of others is in my line of interest. . . . that too is fun. i know a collector who collects pewter. and a Revere pewter mug. . . or was it a candle stick holder?? was a delight to hold (yeah it was a long time ago and there were other pewter works that were fun and fascinating as well). fun on. aloha.
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I never knew Paul Revere was a dentist too. So he must have at some stage said “the teeth are coming out”. But on a less facetious note, this was a wonderful piece of historical fiction. Probably happened just the way you described it.
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Dear Subroto,
I didn’t know about Paul Revere until I started my research thread. I’m always happy to find little known factoids that are out there on the internet for all to see. 😉 Thank you for your kind comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Has no one titled their story “The Tooth Ferry” yet?
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Or what about “The Tooth Shall Set you Free” or “Tooth in Advertising?” “Tooth Ferry”…wish I’d thought of it. 😉
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Ah! ‘Tooth Ferry’ is a great one – has a bite to it. Tooth be told I wish I’d thought of it.
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Rochelle, The history lesson you incorporated in your story was wonderful. I love history and we watch mostly History Channel or H2. You would make a great history teacher. The story is absolutely wonderful, yes a little graphic, but that is what you would see if you were given a task to find General Warren and brilliantly through forensic dental exam! Great job Rochelle – absolutely riveting! Nan 🙂
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Dear Nan,
I’m not sure if I’d make a good history teacher or not. But I do enjoy trivia. Thank you for such wonderful comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Very crafty way to weave history within a dismal story. Very vivid and gruesome imagery and a clever method of corpse identification! Engaging and educational, as always!
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Dear Adelie,
Thank you for your comments. It’s nice to know when a story resonates with a reader. As writers, don’t we live for this?
shalom,
Rochelle
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Hi Rochelle
Once again you’ve taught me something new with your historic tales. It feels strange though, to be on the side of the enemy here (the Brits), even though it was such a long time ago.
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Dear EL,
It’s really hard for me to think of the Brits as the enemy, especially since you sent us the Beatles in 1964. 😉
In 1775 my ancestors were all in Eastern Europe.
This was a new bit of history for me as well.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Margaret Twain,
I almost choked on my partial when you got to the part about the maggots, dad gum it. History provides lots of lessons to chew on. Thanks for sharing another with us.
respectfully yours, Mack
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Dear Mack,
Thanks for oozing light as you swim by. This is one history lesson we don’t have to chew on over lunch. 😉
Shalom,
Margaret
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Great story – I have heard of Paul Revere but didn’t know his dentistry background. As always you sneakily educate us through your clever stories 🙂
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Dear Ali,
This was news to me as well. I started my research thread with “history of dentistry” which led me to this great tidbit. Happy to share that discovery.
Thank you,
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Very clever Rochelle, as always 🙂
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Thank you, V.A.S. 😀
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This was a great history lesson. One in which, I probably shouldn’t have read while eating my fruit and yogurt bowl. Maggots and food don’t go well together. 🙂 As a lover of history, I truly enjoyed how you brought this to life.
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Dear Mewhoami,
It seems I’ve ruined a few appetites this week. I wish I could say I’m sorry. 😉 Glad you liked my story in any case.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a great story. I had no idea Revere was a dentist. Or, maybe I just forgot. Anyway, I love the way you told the story. Nicely done. Lucy
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Dear Lucy,
I don’t think I knew that he was a dentist before doing the research for the story. Glad you liked the story.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Great piece – right down to the maggots and eye sockets. Ewww!! Not a pretty visual 😛 I’m a history enthusiast – I enjoyed the research and learning parts that are going on here, too.
Ellespeth
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Dear Ellespeth,
So much of history isn’t pretty. We don’t think of the implications or the visuals when it’s so far in the past, do we? Research is one of my favorite things about writing. I’ve fallen in love with historical fiction. Happy to meet another enthusiast.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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As always your story impresses with story telling and historical punch. I had no idea PR was a dentist! What a moving, visual story. I could see it! Wonderful job again, Rochelle.
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Dear Dawn,
When I started my research thread I had no idea about Paul Revere. I knew as soon as I read about him where my story was going. I’m pleased it worked for you. I always look forward to your visits and comments.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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much agreed. very clever, engrossing tale!
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Thank you, Contactrida.
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Excellent, Rochelle! Something I have become well used to saying when I comment on your Fictioneers posts. 😉
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Dear Joanna,
It’s always nice to see you (and Ron) here, particularly when you come bearing compliments. 😉
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Early forensics? Cool.
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Dear Alice,
It was the first documented dental forensics. I thought it very cool, too. 😉
Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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You weave such a picture-filled post in 100 words, Rochelle! That last line made the perfect tie-up with the prompt 🙂
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Dear Shailaja,
Thank you for your affirming comments. You made me smile. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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The blue guy is missing again! Oh well,,,here is my link! Liked your story Rochelle!
http://salmonfishingqueen.wordpress.com/2014/06/13/anywhere-but-here-friday-fictioneers/
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Thank you, Barb.
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My gorge also rose, Rochelle! 🙂 Vivid description and interesting take on the photo prompt. I’m learning to think in many ways and not just laterally.
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Dear Lily,
It seems I caused a few gorges to rise. 😉 I love that archaic term.
The discipline of writing a story in a hundred words has transformed my writing in larger pieces. I’m pleased to know that it does the same for other writers.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Very clever and interesting piece. Loved the visual imagery, it got me in immediately. This is my first week of Friday Fictioneers and I’m very impressed with how much weight one hundred words can carry.
P.S. my first link didn’t work for some reason, seems like my second attempt has been successful. Thanks.
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Dear Maree,
Welcome to Friday Fictioneers!
Glad you happened by and stuck around to write. It’s addictive, not just for the challenge of the writing but also for the community of writers. 😉
Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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you made history come alive once again, Rochelle. i love the trivia on Paul Revere’s dental tools. they actually look better than those tools in the photo prompt . . . well, the handles anyway. 🙂
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Dear Sun,
I’m glad you were able to work out the technical difficulties. 😉
Personally I find Mr. Revere’s dental tools a little intimidating.
Thank you for your kind comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Fascinating bit of history from you, Rochelle. I feel I always learn so much when I read your blog (and your book). Who knew Paul Revere was a dentist, too? (Don’t think I did ’til now.)
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Dear Leigh,
I didn’t know about Revere’s dentistry until I followed the research thread. I love finding those unexpected bits of history. 😉 Your reference to my book makes me doubly happy.
Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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No worries, Rochelle. It’s an engaging read, and a fantastic counterpoint to the somewhat depressing dystopian fiction I just finished. I say it would make great “vacation reading,” too (hint, hint, people!). Speaking of which, enjoy yours! Happy travels to you all. 🙂
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I so admire your historical handiwork, Rochelle. You’re a master…and I bow to your writing skills. hugs…
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Dear Millie,
Your sweet words warm me. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This is a wonderful, descriptive piece, Rochelle, and such a fine capturing of history. Very well done!
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Many thanks, Amy. 😀
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I never knew that! Great story and educational too!
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Dear Anne,
Finding those nuggets of virtually unknown (that are on the internet 😉 ) is one of my passions. Glad you liked my story.
Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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What a wonderful take on a bit of real history.
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Thank you, Liz. 😀
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Bucekt dibe, indeed.
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“Pobody’s nerfect.” She says with cheeks ablaze.
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Rochelle, I made a comment on Shan’s blog, #83, yesterday and went back to check today. I couldn’t reach the blog. I think WordPress has done the same to that blog that they did to mine, marked it as “Private”. Shan may not even be aware of it. —Susan
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Dear Susan,
Thanks for the heads up. I’ve emailed Shandra to let her know.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, The “Simply Charming” blog, number 97 in the list, has expired. I don’t know if she’s aware of it. It expired 2 days ago. —Susan
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Wow. There’ve been a few glitches this week. I just deleted another where there was no story. There must be a disturbance in the force. At any rate I’ll inform Sun.
Thank you again, Susan.
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I only knew Paul Revere as a silversmith so this was educational as well as entertaining. Those opening descriptions were stomach churning – I can almost smell the stench.
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Dear Sarah Ann,
I think the only thing I knew about Paul Revere was the midnight ride. Incidentally, it was Joseph Warren who sent him on that ride.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I liked your realistic description of the degenerating bodies and the recognition of one corpse by the dental work. I could see it in my mind’s eye clearly. Thanks for the story.
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Dear Barry,
When I found this tidbit while researching the history of dentistry. I love it when a plan comes together and I’m pleased it worked or you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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