The following photo is the PROMPT. A few of you may recognize it from three years ago, although for most I think it will be new. Due to a current emergency, I’ll be recuperating from oral surgery by the time this post goes live. Next week will also be a repeat to allow more time to visit with out of town guests. So if I don’t answer your comments right away or comment on your story, you’ll know the reason why. Thanks to all of you for your understanding.
Shalom, Rochelle
I posted the original version of this story May 11, 2012. I’ve taken the liberty of reworking it. The beauty of writing is that there’s always room to grow. If you’d like to read the original click here.
Genre: Historical Fiction
Word Count: 100
SLEEPWALK
Like a pearl brooch pinned to mottled velvet, the moon shone through a web of tree branches. A desperate voice yelled her name.
It was always the same dream. Kanzie would wake with a scream to everyday shadows and feel relieved by her comfortable darkness.
Then one night she woke up outside. Mississippi air stuck to her skin like a damp cloak. For the first time in twenty years she saw the trees rustling in the wind. Memories seared her.
Why did white-robed ghosts put that rope around her gentle Daddy’s neck? His terror-filled eyes drilled her.
“Kanzie, don’t look.”
.
.
.
Phew…
Incredibly powerful tale.
You pack so much into so little once again.
This is a work of art.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dear CE,
Your words turn my head and make me smile.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Haunting.. get well soon Rochelle !
LikeLike
Dear Indrajit,
Thank you on both counts.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Much too hauntingly sad to say beautiful. My heart breaks.
LikeLike
Dear Joy,
To say it was senseless is to repeat the cliche.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Go live your life!
We will muddle through.
Hurry back.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Dawn,
It’s a little better today. I appreciate the fact that I can put FF on autopilot. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sad story..
you take care! Come back soon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Lata,
I haven’t left, although I’ll be slow getting around this week.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Rochelle,
Even slowed down you run rings around me!
Take a floral bouquet to cheer you up, a pot of chicken soup to heal you, and a Virtual Bouquet of Chickens to cover all bases! (I am stealing this idea from a greeting card- I will have to find out who gets the credit for it.)
B’Shalom,
BobiJo
LikeLike
Very, very powerful, your story. I find the new version even more powerful, more elegant, than the first one. Get well and have fun with your guests.
LikeLike
Dear GAH,
Thank you for reading both versions and commenting. The one from three years ago was one of my first ever.
I’m working on the getting well and trying to be patient. My guests are my son and his girlfriend. I’m really looking forward to having them here.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope you’re feeling better 🙂
LikeLike
Dear Ruth,
A little better each day.
Thank you and Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wish you a speedy recovery dear. Loved this post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Indira,
I’m recovering a little more each day and trying not to be impatient.
Thank you and shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was powerful back then, and you’re right. It just grew. Get well soon.
LikeLike
Dear Sandra,
It’s fun to look back and be encouraged in how far I’ve come which helps me not to be discouraged with how far I have to go. 😉
Working on the get well part.
Thank you and shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
That kicks off with a great metaphor.
LikeLike
Dear Craig,
Thank you for saying so. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
How powerful your writing is. That one human being could do such a terrible thing to another is beyond the pale. I can sense the pain and terror of your characters.
I lost my father in a motorcycle accident when I was 15 years old. It isn’t the same kind of trauma, but I can relate to this young girl losing her father.
LikeLike
Dear Illsa,
This is one of the most appalling pieces of American history. We who pride ourselves on being tolerant and accepting.
Thank you for your generous comments and for sharing your own story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Awesome as always, Rochelle. Thoughts and prayers for your recovery!
LikeLike
Dear Jan,
I’m glad you thought so. It means a lot. Thank you for the comments and the thoughts and prayers.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Powerful story, Rochelle. Well told. I’m so sorry to hear of your emergency. I hope everything is ok. I wish you well with a speedy recovery. I’ll be thinking about you.
LikeLike
Dear Amy,
I’m pleased you liked my story and I so appreciate the positive comments.
I hesitate to use the word “emergency” in light of how long it took to get the insurance company’s approval. But I also attribute some of that to the surgeon’s office manager’s ineptitude. Another story. At any rate there was bone growing through my gum which also caused an infection. The recovery has been every bit as painful as the surgeon predicted.
😦 Ah well, this will soon be a memory and I’ve been blessed with some good, encouraging friends in FF.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Oh, my goodness! An infection in the mouth is serious no matter what and this one sounds positively painful. Bone growing through gum…yikes. I hope you’re doing okay and you have some pain meds, if that helps you. You’re such a trooper to come by and read our stories.
With gratitude, your loyal FF Friend, Amy
LikeLike
Dear Amy,
Interaction with Friday Fictioneers is one of the few things I was able to do last week and on a very limited basis. As the new week begins I’m feeling better. The pain meds were great and so were the four days in bed. Thank you for being a loyal friend. I’m blessed.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Powerful, as usual. Take care of yourself. ☺ Van
LikeLike
Thank you on both counts, Van.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is haunting, Rochelle. I never read the original, but this is superb! I love the moon and this photo is so dramatic…
LikeLike
Dear Lorna,
You can click the link before my story if you want to read the original. No matter, I think the update is better.
Thank you for your kind comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Take good care of yourself.
LikeLike
I’m doing my best, Nelkumi. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awesome writing, Rochelle. This is among your best pieces. I especially liked this line, “Mississippi air stuck to her skin like a damp cloak.” I’ve been to Mississippi. The air really does that. Great job of keeping us aware and remembering, so we never make the same mistakes again.
LikeLike
Dear Eric,
I’ve also been to Mississippi. 😉
Thank you for such a wonderful comment, the kind a writer longs to hear.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Get well soon.
LikeLike
Thank you, Hillary. I’m working on it. 😉
LikeLike
Rochelle,
this is a masterpiece of descriptive language. I can almost feel the damp night air on my skin. Powerful ending too. Very well done. Enjoy your week.
-David
LikeLike
Dear David,
Every author loves to receive such a glowing comment.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a chilling story! I especially love the phrasing of the first sentence.
I hope you feel better soon, Rochelle!
All the best,
Sohini
LikeLike
Dear Sohini,
I’m glad you liked my story. it was fun t revisit and rework it.
I’m working on the feeling better part.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
If it’s oral surgery, you may not be able to talk… but you sure as hell are able to write (or rework the original!) Terribly powerful story…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Dale,
The first couple of days rendered me speechless but I’m able to talk once more. Thank you for such a wonderful comment on my writing and my story. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Powerful again, Rochelle, and interesting to see how a few years changes the writing style. This time I’ll admit that I missed her blindness and the questions that throws up. In both cases, I have to wonder why she finds herself outside … and to hope it is simply sleepwalking as the title suggests. Overall, the writing is smoother this time around though.
Hope you get some R&R and the visitors are easy as well as fun to host
LikeLike
Dear Jennifer,
Yes, it’s a simple as sleepwalking. 😉 Hm. I tried to be clearer about her blindness this time, ah well, perhaps I’ll write this into a larger story one day.
I’m working on the R&R this week and the visitors are my youngest son and his girlfriend so I don’t have to be too much of an entertainer.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Your story is superb! Poor Kanzie must have looked anyway. Poor child and horrible time in history! Viscous and cowardly bigots and the lowest of low Americans (sorry to call them that – but they are and they are shameful.
Take care of yourself and Get well soon! Nan
LikeLike
Dear Nan,
You needn’t apologize for calling these bigots what they were and are. No argument from me.
I’m doing the best I can to take care of myself. I didn’t expect oral surgery to take so much out of me…everywhere. You could say my mouth is kicking my butt.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Powerful stuff, Rochelle.
Get well soon so you can have fun with the kids when they come.
Love and hugs,
Marie Gail
LikeLike
Dear Marie Gail,
This is one of those subjects I’ve always felt strongly about.
As the new week begins, I’m finally feeling human and glad to have had the surgery done. I think the most problematic thing now is that the infection persists. Taking my meds like a good girl and happy to no longer need the heavy duty pain pills.
Shalom with love and hugs back atcha,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Hope you are feeling much better soon!
Your story really resonates – will the horrors ever end?
LikeLike
Dear Yolanda,
I’m afraid that as long as there are people there will be horrors.
I’m feeling steadily better.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Wow – so powerful. I wonder why she hasn’t been outside for so many years – the trauma? Odd that we both went with sleepwalking this week.
LikeLike
Dear Claire,
Actually she’s been outside, she just hasn’t been able to see it. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very powerful story, and I loved the “Mississippi air (sticking) to her skin like a damp cloak” – I can almost fell it myself.
LikeLike
Dear Ali,
I’ve been to Mississippi in the summer. The air clings to you like another layer of skin. Come to think of it, it describes my own state of Missouri at the moment. 😉
Thank you for your kind words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Haunting story. Written with much insight and compassion to the persecuted, as always!
LikeLike
Dear Ansumani,
Thank you for your kind comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Dear Rochelle,
Living here in the deep south I have found myself immersed in the history of this place. I always knew, but was far removed from feeling until we moved here from California. I have learned much. There is no place in Alabama that does not reek of it’s past. However, I must say they have made light-years in their progress to overcome their transgressions.
Your story is so well written. You made me cry.
Shalom,
Lynda
PS: Do feel well soon! Messing with your oral cavity is no laughing matter. :O
LikeLike
Dear Lynda,
A few years ago I traveled with a dance ministry throughout the South. We stayed for a while in Selma. While a lot has changed, I could still feel the disturbing history.
Your tears are a high compliment. Thank you.
The pain in my mouth is lessening but I’m a pretty impatient patient. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
That was a stunningly beautiful set of descriptions, and a terribly painful story, Rochelle! It was a swift punch in the gut at the end.
LikeLike
Love the line ” Like a pearl brooch pinned to mottled velvet …tree branches.”
LikeLike
Dear Vijaya,
Thank you for such a stunning comment. It’s the kind an author loves to read.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Rochelle, and feel better very soon. 🙂 Blessings.
LikeLike
Dear Shandra,
I’m not sure what you’re thanking me for, but you’re welcome I’m sure. 😉 I’m working on that feeling better part.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Powerful writing. Get well my friend.
Tracey
LikeLike
Dear Tracey,
Thank you on both counts. Working on the latter.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
…and the innocence of children is destroyed completely. Tragic reminder of a senseless past. You do an amazing job with these prompts. So emotional in so few words. An important message.
LikeLike
Dear Solo,
I’ve never understood this kind of terrorism.
Thank you for such a lovely compliment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Syrah Zinfandel,
It’s fun to go back and tighten stories up a bit, isn’t it? Still as powerful and chilling as three years ago. Perhaps a bottle from the Zaccanti Vinery would speed your healing. The Purple Bunion Lambrusco should fit nicely with your addiction.
Cheers,
– Moe
LikeLike
Dear Moe,
I was still the new kind on the block when I wrote this. Now I can’t imagine my life without Friday Fictioneers. And it was fun to tighten the story. Jan suggested when I started that I should print my stories off and put them in a notebook. That notebook’s pretty full.
Thanks for dropping by.
L’chaim,
Syrah Zinfandel
LikeLike
Powerfully packed in few words.
Get well soon
LikeLike
Dear Boomie Bol,
It’s a pleasure to have you drop by to read and comment. Thank you for all of your kind words. I’m getting better all the time.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Splendid depiction of a dreadful time. I wish that hatred was dead but it still persists.
LikeLike
Dear Liz,
I don’t get this hatred.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Very powerful, nicely done.
LikeLike
Thank you, Loré. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! That’s powerful and frightening. And, sadly enough, very timely with the current state of race relations.
LikeLike
Dear Luna,
The times they are a-changing…wish it was always for the better.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Scary!!
LikeLike
Terrifying. Thank you for commenting, Colline.
LikeLike
⭐
LikeLike
😀
LikeLike
Once a week a star for Best and a Bear for Favorite. You gotta find some use for these rare smilies!
😉 Good recovery Boss, Tay.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Seems like we both got inspiration from this dark time in America’s history. Excellent work, I wish I had such a command over saying so much with so little.
LikeLike
Dear Michael,
I think I left a similar comment on your story. Keep writing. It only gets better.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
I can only echo what the others have said. Powerful story Rochelle. Though I missed the blindness in the story. Wishing you a speedy return to wellness.
LikeLike
Dear Joyfulness,
I was a little obscure, perhaps, on the blindness. Sorry that didn’t come through.
Thank you for your kind words on both counts. I’m getting better every day.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Quesrida Rochelle,
A power packed write with so many visuals to wake the reader. Whew …!!!
All has been said by others and I concur. Muy bueno ..!!!!
Adios,
Isadora 😎
LikeLike
¡Muchas gracias, Isadora! 😀
LikeLike
This made the hair stand up up on my arms then, and still did today. Sad, but powerful story.
LikeLike
Thank you, Jan. Your support and kudos are always appreciated by this author.
LikeLike
WOW–this is a knock-you-over story, Well Done!
LikeLike
Dear Valida,
Thank you for stopping by to read and leave such a wonderful comment. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
You’re most welcome.
LikeLike
What a tragic story. Devastating. You tell it with powerful images. Get well quickly.
LikeLike
Dear Margaret
Thank you for the wonderful comments and the well wishes. I’m getting a little better every day.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Powerful story with great description, Rochelle. I’m from Ohio and the KKK was strong there also. Frightening group. Well written as always. ——– Suzanne
LikeLike
Dear Suzanne,
When I think of KKK I think of the deep South…who knew? Any group with that kind of rhetoric is terrifying.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Hi Rochelle – this version is far more polished than the original, although I did like your original use of ‘glistered’ 🙂
Great simile work here – the moon/pearl on velvet, the air like a damp cloak – top stuff.
I struggled a bit to establish when things were happening – was the dream a haunting reminder of the lynching, or were the dreams a prediction for something that was to come? I might re-read and see if I missed something.
Cheers
KT
LikeLike
Dear KT,
Ah that word “glistered.” There was some controversy over that so I decided to just change it.
And now to answer your question. Yes, the dream was a recurring reminder and a flashback.
Let me know if you have any more questions.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope no child has to go through this…
LikeLike
Dear Anita,
No child should ever have to go through this. Alas many do thanks to stupid adults.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Dear Rochelle,
Your historical fiction writing doesn’t just remind us of events outside ourselves, it invites us to feel all the pain (and sometimes joy) of past events, and literally rips the heart out of anyone with any compassion or sensitivity.
I am a big fan!
BobiJo
LikeLike
Dear Bobi Jo,
It’s nice to have a fan, and such a sweet one. Thank you for your generous comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
What an indictment is the KKK.
Good piece Rochelle.
LikeLike
Dear Mick,
They should all have bedbugs in their white sheets.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
They probably do. Why else would they be so angry? Isn’t it amazing that a country that claims to be Christian can spawn such filth?
LikeLike
The human brain always has the capacity to surprise us I think, and you captured our ability to ‘forget’ traumatic incidents beautifully. It was also a fascinating insight into the way our inner writer develops and the way we see things slightly differently with experience too. Really nicely done Rochelle.
LikeLike
Dear Linda,
It’s amazing what a mind can block out. I’ve experienced some of this in my own life and it’s startling and traumatic when I realized what I’d “forgotten.”
It was fun to go back and rework this piece and realize how I’d grown as a writer.
Thank you so much for your comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Frankly, my dear, I wish I hadn’t read it, and I wish you didn’t have the need to, but I’m pleased you did and I’m pleased I did.
LikeLike
Dear Patrick,
Would that there’d never been anything like this to write about.
I’m pleased that you read and pleased that you liked it.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
This was intense and powerful bit of writing. A fictional mirror of a disturbing reality that happened not that long ago and unfortunately still happens in different forms around the world.
I trust your husband is enjoying the moments of silence these days 😉
LikeLike
Dear Subroto,
It was a very disturbing reality that still rages all over the world. 😦
My husband was out of town through my silent period. I’m definitely on the other side of recovery for which I’m grateful.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
It was as if I was watching it … SO well written.
LikeLike
Dear Ira,
Thank you for coming by to read and comment. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike