The following photo is the PROMPT. Keep in mind that all photos are the property of the contributor, therefore copyrighted and require express permission to use for purposes other than Friday Fictioneers. Giving credit to whom credit is due is proper etiquette.
Please be considerate and make an effort to stay within the suggested word count.
PHOTO PROMPT – © Ted Strutz
Due to circumstances beyond my control this past week, including an all day car repair, dental issues and a computer crash, I am posting an excerpt from my working manuscript, As One Must, One Can. While it’s just under a hundred words, it’s not a complete story. In this stage of the book, Havah, who teaches an unheard of girl’s Hebrew class, accompanied by her nephew Lev, is going to check on two of her students who live in McClure Flats which was a Kansas City Slum populated mostly by Russian Jewish immigrants.
Genre: Historical Fiction
(the year is 1908)
Word Count: 97
AS ONE MUST, ONE CAN – EXCERPT
Lev and Havah passed a row of brick hovels with lean-tos serving as porches.
Everywhere she turned she saw unkempt children whose noses leaked slimy trails to their lips.
A woman with pockmarked cheeks and sunken eyes sat beside a shanty, her blouse hanging open so her toddler could suckle from her shriveled breast.
A little girl chased a small animal crying, “Kit-kat! Kit-kat!” in Yiddish.
The creature scurried under Havah’s skirts before disappearing between the cracks of a dilapidated wall. The ground swerved beneath her when she realized it was neither cat nor dog, but a large rat.
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Lev Resnick, Havah’s nephew-Original Artwork © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Havah Cohen Gitterman -Original Artwork © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
McClure Flats, Kansas City, Missouri-Photo taken around 1910
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Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple 
A sad, yet hopeful tale. As always, well presented. 🙂
Crit; disappearing between the cracks of a dilapidated wall.
Suggest ‘into’, or even ‘among’
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Dear Archon,
I’m rolling your suggestions around my fogged head. I think I like among. The novel is a work in progress so the crit’s appreciated. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I love this story, very descriptive. ‘Slimy trails leading to dirty lips’
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Dear Chioma,
I actually had to temporarily remove a line to fit the word count. I’m glad you liked it.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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XD
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So sad that children has to grow up like that.. a very touching story with the rat at the end being especially poignant…
I will be absent this and next week from FF…
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Dear Björn,
McClure Flats was a terrible place. I’m not sure I do it ‘justice.’ Thank you for your generous comments. I’ll miss your stories the next two weeks. Enjoy your time off.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I liked “the ground swerved beneath her”. That’s a perfect description of that terrible rush of consciousness/stability when you’ve been startled or terrified. McClure Flats looks like a dreadful place – you’ve captured it vividly. Well done as always, and sorry for the frustrations that are plaguing you right now.
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Dear Sandra,
Life goes on. I hope I’m not breaking my own rules by posting an excerpt rather than a complete story. I’m glad you liked my descriptions. I’m not sure what I’d do if a rat scurried under my skirts.
This is a part of Kansas City history that few know. In fact the photo I posted and have used before is the only one I’ve been able to find.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You are breaking your own rules.
Please determine a suitable punishment.
I have a hug, if that will do?
Oh, and great piece of writing.
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Dear CE,
I can stand up to that kind of punishment any time. 😉
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Looking forward to reading AOMOC!
the plural of lean-to really lean-to’s?
PS I liked “between.”
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Dear Annie,
Maybe you’re right about between. I’ll think about it…see if anyone else says more. Thanks for the catch on lean-tos. You were right.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rats live every where it seems, it is sad to realise that people still have to reside in such hovels.
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Dear Michael,
Alas I fear that rats and slums are a fact of life. Fortunately McClure Flats no longer exists. In fact few Kansas City residents are aware that it ever did.
Thank you for your comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Really love the descriptions you used here! I will definitely have to read your novels sometime soon.
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Dear Melony,
As I just said on your story, we went in similar directions. Of course the first two novels are out and available. 😉 😉
Just click the side bar.
I’ll admit this excerpt is more adjective-heavy than a self-contained flash fiction should be. Glad you liked. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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As always, Rochelle, well done! Thank you for sharing this except, I want to read the rest.
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Dear Mary,
I so appreciate your kind words. This is from a work in progress. The hope is that AS ONE MUST, ONE CAN will be released this year. However 😉 the first two novels in the trilogy are released and available in many places. If you click on the icons for PLEASE SAY KADDISH FOR ME and FROM SILT AND ASHES it will take you to Amazon.com. I hope you don’t mind my little marketing ploy here. And again, thank you for stopping by to read and comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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🙂 I will be looking for them
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😀
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Your description was so vivid I could see it, Rochelle. I’ve seen children like that. Of course, I’ve seen plenty here in India. I suspected something other than a cat or dog when you used the word “scurried”. Well written as always. — Suzanne
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Dear Suzanne,
Thank you for the good words. I’m sure you have seen plenty where you are. Every big city has their slums for certain. This particular place is now a downtown parking lot.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Funny how so few seem to know of the McClure Flats …. and for the life of me, I don’t know why I know of them – but I do. As soon as you mentioned them, without an image, I could see them clearly. I guess somewhere along my travels, I must have come across them – perhaps through my photography studies.
At any rate, even as you are breaking the rules here 😉 nonetheless, this is an excerpt that can stand alone – even if there was no explanation about the characters etc. because you have very intimately described a slice of the essence of these incredible places, for slums like this have existed and still do, unfortunately, all over the world. You’ve captured the misery and poverty, the atmosphere very well.
Wonderfully done.
Pat
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Dear Pat,
McClure Flats was finally torn down between 1911 and 1912 as far as I can find. Dates conflict. Today the area is a parking lot. A fitting end I believe.
Thank you for your generous comments concerning my excerpt. Much appreciated.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I agree with this comment. The excerpt stands alone as a slice of life experience. I’m not sure how it could be more of a story in 100 words or less?
I never heard of McClure Flats either, but I did not study history in College and have learned, after moving states, how state-centric our education is in the U.S. I could tell you all about Henry Hudson, the St. Lawrence fur trade, the Erie canal, NY tenements, Ellis Island etc… But I was questioning if Maryland was even in the South or not and what was the big deal about the War of 1812?
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Dear Rochelle,
I love how I learn something new when I read so many of your stories (I know I’ve said that before)!
That was a thoroughly bleak and poignant description of McClure Flats! The child chasing a rat is an image that will linger. That last sentence about the rat made me shudder.
As always, you write with empathy and implicit outrage at the horrible state in which the destitute or the unfortunate live.
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Dear Vijaya,
I seem to have been given a mission, now that you mention it. 😉 Fortunately McClure Flats no longer exists. Thank you for your generous comments that make me look forward to your visits each week.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yikes! Didn’t mean to give you a “mission!” I’m glad that McClure Flats no longer exists. It’s a pleasure to read your work, always, and it’s a pleasure to be a part of this lovely FF family you’re nurturing.
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Not to worry, Vijaya. I’m pretty sure I’ve had that mission all along. 😉 I’m only now realizing it. I’ve another friend that’s been pointing it out to me.
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🙂
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A well written slice of history. Actually, although short, this story does stand alone. It gives us a glimpse into what life was really like for so many people. Thankfully, the area, and the memories, are erased from reality and only exists in historical documentation. Well done.
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Oh heck, I said what I wanted to say up there.
You do capture an atmosphere superbly.
And what I said before.
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Dear CE,
Again I’ll take my punishment. Thank you for such kind words…twice. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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So wonderfully descriptive Rochelle. I too was horrified at the rat.
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Dear Claire,
I once had a mouse jump out of a cash register when I rang up a sale. It was a pretty freaky experience. Thank you for your kind words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Hah! Amazing. Bet the mouse was pleased that someone bought something.
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When I get done cackling with laughter at the chosen pic…. BTW, Rochelle, How do I submit a picture to you for consideration as a prompt?
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Dear Jelli,
I fell in love with this week’s picture. Ted has an eye for humor. Just send your jpegs to runtshell@gmail.com.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, I will. 🙂
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Oh, loved the excerpt. Makes me wonder if she caught the rat. 🙂 ❤ Yeah, it's been one of those kind of weeks here, too.
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Dear Jelli,
Being prolific with my novels has put a crimp in my flash fiction writing…which is not an altogether bad thing. Not to mention the other stresses and distresses. I’m glad you liked the excerpt. Nope, no one catches the rat. 😉
Thank you. Shalom,
Rochelle
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🙂 LoL!
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What an intense excerpt, very vivid description. Congrats on all the success, it is good to be busy for the right reason. 🙂
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Dear Loré,
Thank you on all counts. I am blessed.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This certainly evokes an atmosphere. I would have liked to see where it went
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Dear Neil,
There is one way to see where this chapter went. 😉 The book is due out this year. All I have to do is finish it, get it edited, etc etc. It’s the third novel in a trilogy…the other two are on the side bar of this page. There. You’ve gotten the sales pitch.
Thank you for reading and leaving nice comments. Much appreciated.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I have to agree with all of the above. It does stand alone; it is a fabulous description; it is a most dismal place that I am in no rush to visit… and I cannot wait to read book 3!!! xo
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Dear Dale,
I will finish it…I will finish it….
I’m glad this excerpt works and even stands alone. I hate breaking my own rules. 😉 And to quote a dear friend, “Woot! Woot!”
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I’ve no doubt! And I can’t wait… No pressure…😉
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Dear Rochelle,
I love it! Fab moment when you realise it’s a rat and not a cat ! Made me smile and recoil at the same time!
Hugs
Heidi 🙂
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Dear Heidi,
Thank you for sharing your reaction and compliments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Great description Rochelle. Havah’s experience is a stand alone vignette of what it was like there and then. Squalor is hard to describe, you do it very well here.
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Dear Emmy,
Thank you for the encouraging and affirming words. They mean a lot.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This is so descriptive Rochelle, I feel very sad.
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Dear Louise,
To evoke emotion is a high compliment.
Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Always interested in what you will do with one of my photos. I can see this one. Good luck with your signing… and let me know when you come to Seattle.
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Dear Ted,
it’s always fun to snag your photos. You do have a knack for interesting photos. Thank you for allowing me to do that. And thank you for your comments and well wishes. It would be fun to come to Seattle. I’ve never been there.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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When you do, I’ll bring all the Pacific Northwest FF’ers!
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Dear Rochelle,
That rat made me woozy. Good work. I’m looking forward to more.
Peace,
Marie Gail
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Dear Marie Gail,
That rat’s getting quite a bit of recognition this week. 😉 I hope to have more soon.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Powerful prose. Hope the signing goes well!
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Thank you twice, Graham.;)
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I can almost smell the waste and hear the people talking, crying . . . . Well done.
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Thank you for the high praise, Alicia.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Very vivid, Rochelle. I like how you make the locals seem at home, but the protagonist is at sea, as that last line vividly conjures.
The concrit that struck me was a lot of adjectives / adverbs. They help to create the scene and perhaps wouldn’t feel as heavy in a novel-length piece as they did for me here. There are places though (eg “unkempt children whose runny noses leaked slimy trails to dirty lips”) where every noun has a descriptor and for my taste that is a bit much. I like every one of those adjectives individually, but altogether they were too much. “Runny” is definitely superfluous given the slimy trails; arguably “unkempt” could go as well.
But of course, you should stay true to your voice and vision, and ignore me with my blessing.
I am looking forward to a time when my own children can occasionally wipe their own noses (along with other body-parts!) and I can settle down with your novels.
Jen
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Dear Jen,
You do have me thinking since you’re not the first to mention the adjectives. Although I’m not seeing the adverbs. I tend to use them as little as possible. I myself questioned the need for ‘runny’ and decided to whack ‘dirty lips’ in the manuscript itself. We know where the trails lead, don’t we? 😉 Since two writers I respect have now said the same thing, it means I take another look. So I’ll only ignore part of your suggestion.
McClure Flats was a horrible place. Fortunately it no longer exists. But as within any city on the planet, there are other neighborhoods that have taken its place.
As always, thank you for your honest crit, for none of us are above it.
Thank you and Shalom,
Rochelle
PS Of course, I too, want you to be able to settle down with my novels. 😉 They will keep…children don’t.
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I’ve looked again and I think I must have dreamt the adverbs, sorry. As for adjectives, I suspect it’s part of your style when not paring down to a hundred words, because that line isn’t extreme when compared to others in the extract. Maybe something to have in the back of your mind when line-editing, but as agent, publisher and fans alike have voted with their feet, definitely not something to worry about.
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Lev lives!
Good to know 😉
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Lev is growing as a personality in the third book. I really like this young man. Glad this makes you happy, Dawn. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Sigourney Freud,
I was hoping it was a possum and they would invite it to stay for dinner. Those slums look awful. My Dad (born in 1909) said when he was a boy and they traveled to Springdale, you could smell the town long before it came into view. I’m sure the same rang true for McClure Flats.
Congrats on the Big Event coming up at Barnes & Noble.
Winkie
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Dear Winkie,
Being Missouri I suppose it could’ve been a possum. I would imagine from all that I’ve read, McClure Flats, with its lack of sanitation, had an aromatic atmosphere.
Thank you for the congrats. I really need to get to work on scheduling more. There’s more to be an author these days than writing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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As usual, I learned something from you today. Thank you also for including the historical photo. Looks something like the “tent cities” in Haiti, the ones that were supposed to be temporary in 2010, but are still there in 2016. Poverty has a way of enduring.
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Dear Jan.
Nothing thrills me more than to hear that a reader learned something. 😉 This has been the only photo I’ve been able to find of the place. Poverty is indeed enduring. Fortunately McClure Flats is a parking lot these days.
Thank you for your feedback. .
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Fantastic descriptions Rochelle. I can really see it all and personally liked the adjectives and adverbs. I think they enrich the descriptions to the extent the reader sees the picture rather than just reads and takes in the information. If that makes sense. I know on the other hand there is the counter argument that less is more, but personally I don’t think so in this case. You want the slime, the dirt, the whole essence of the situation.
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Dear Michael,
I’ve actually done a bit of tweaking since the initial crit. I didn’t take out all of the adjectives because I felt they were necessary. As for adverbs, there aren’t any in that excerpt…never were. Sometimes less is more. But you’re right, not in this particular part of the book. In fact it gets nastier. 😉
At any rate I’m glad this piece worked for you. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It does mean a lot.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ultimately it comes down to taste I suppose and adjectives always make things so much richer for me. Where would Dylan Thomas
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…be without adjectives. Sorry pressed send too soon with my fat fingers
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Without humor, the visual of the rat would just be horrid. …I guess, every now and then something wonderful springs from the sewer, as the image conveys. 😉
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Dear Adam,
I suppose there’s a little humor in it. However, this excerpt really has nothing to do with flowers planted in toilet bowls. This is just where I let the prompt take me this week.
Thank you and shalom,
Rochelle
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I know. My brain just found a way to connect the image anyway. 🙂 …Nothing pretty about the living conditions in the story, of course.
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Beautifully descriptive in every detail!
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Thank you, Ali 😀
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The description of the children’s noses was disgusting! But very accurate and effective – I saw the whole scene clear as day.
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Dear Thom,
Thank you for such an affirming comment. I appreciate it very much.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I’m glad you put this up, i remember you reading it to me. Nice. It’ll be there for publication on due time.
But, did you know it actually DOES fit the prompt? “As One Must, One CAN. Get? CAN? A-HA a–HA a-HA! (Take out wrenched ankle …)
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Dear Cuzzin Kent,
It’s changed a bit (as everything does in this ever-tweaking world of writing). It’s getting there. Sigh.
Very punny… Mr. Can-Can…
Thank you.
Cuzzin Shelly
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Lucky I was around.
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WOW amazing excerpt… I could see it all so clearly. And smell it too without you saying a word. Terrific writing. If this is just a sample the rest will be amazing.
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Dear Laurie,
What a lovely comment. This is the kind that keeps me writing. Of course there are two other books before it. 😉
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Well I love beautiful writing! Off to Amazon again 😍😀😀
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i think you just showed me how characters are developed in 100 words. that’s something i need to learn.
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Dear Plaridel,
Considering this is an excerpt from a much longer work, this is high praise indeed. You, sir, have come so far in your 100 story journey. I look forward to more.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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me too!
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Nice excerpt. Can’t wait to read the full text soon.
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Dear Ansumani,
That comment makes me smile. I hope, too, that you’ll be able to read the other two novels.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Congrats on your signing! How exciting!
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Thank you, Jenn.
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I’d feel a bit squeamish too!
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So would I, Liz. 😉
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I love reading your words…it is always a beautiful journey …reminds me how much I enjoyed your novel. Have not yet read the sequel but when I do, I will write a review and let you know. Shalom
Cheryl-Lynn
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Dear Cheryl-Lynn,
I can’t wait to hear your take on From Silt and Ashes. I only hope you don’t have the same issues with posting a review on Amazon that you had before.
Arel and Havah are taking me on quite a journey with this third book. As far as I know it’s the last in a trilogy. 😉
Thank you and shalom,
Rochelle
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I’ve had all kinds of computer issues, too. That and just about everything else. But at least I haven’t had any rats run under my skirts lately.
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Dear Alice,
Rats under the skirts could never be a good think. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ooh, not the rats!! That’s where I draw the line, Rochelle. My sister had to deal with them once and one turned up in her toilet. I could have written about that! Darn! I just remembered it now. 🙂
Very vivid imagery and description. I’m following Havah’s eyes. That’s what I love about your writing, your ability to put the reader right inside the scene. Well done!
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Dear Amy,
Thank you for your high praise. That’s the goal…always…to put the reader into the character’s head and in the moment. That darn rat’s gotten a lot of attention this week. 😉 If I’d been Havah I’d have screamed, too.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a desperate and bleak image you have crafted. So in depth with very little words used. I very much enjoyed reading this, and I hope your situations explained above improve.
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Dear Chekii,
That’s the beauty of flash fiction. It has helped me to be a more concise writer even in the longer pieces. Of course this excerpt is part of a much longer piece, ie a novel. I’m glad you enjoyed it and took the time to leave such a nice comment.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I once had a river rat chase me out of a cellar. They are scaaaary.
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Dear Joe,
Ugh…I don’t like rats.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Me too!
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I don’t know how you manage to transport us into a different time and place with just a few words, but you do it again and again. The descriptions are vivid, the excerpt can stand on its own, and I very much look forward to reading your books soon. As an adult I can sympathize with the horror of the rat, but as a kid, I would have run after it, yelling kit-kat, too. I found a half-drowned rat once and sat down to pet the poor little animal. My parents chased me away… I guess I was lucky it didn’t bite me.
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Dear Gabriele,
Your words fill me with smiles. I look forward to your feedback on the novels. Thank you for sharing your own rat story. That rat seems to be the focus of my piece this week. 😉
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What an extraordinarily vivid world. The image of the woman with her blouse open to nurse her child was dark and startling and incredibly powerful. And the girl chasing the rat—my goodness. Your words took me straight there. To think this existed. How incredible. Thank you.
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Dear Helena,
Thank you for your stellar comments. As an author they thrill me.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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A very vivid and descriptive excerpt, it stands on its own as a work of flash fiction. Congratulations on the Barnes & Noble event and even more on starting work on a third manuscript. Your work ethic is indeed inspiring.
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Dear Subroto,
I’m not sure if it’s work ethic or just plain obsession. 😉 Thank you for your kind compliments and kudos.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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A nose leaking slimy trails to the lip… going through that with my own young’in at the moment. Great excerpt. Loved the part about the rat.
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Dear Adam,
It takes a parent of a small child to really appreciate snot. 😉 The rat might not get the cheese, but he certainly garnered a lot of acclaim this week.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Worst part is that she has a tendency to try to clean it up with her tongue before we have a chance tell her to get a tissue. Gross.
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ugh…cringing
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