8 December 2017

Published December 6, 2017 by rochellewisoff

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What if the Capulets and Montagues had reconciled? Methinks things might have gone differently for the star-crossed lovers who, to be fair, barely knew each other. My humblest apologies to the Bard. 

Genre: Histrionic Fiction

Word Count: 100


 “Aye me, what weariness besets me. This unborn babe hath thrice disturb’d my slumber. Now light through yonder kitchen window breaks and childish voices assail. No rest. No rest. Anon himself hops through my door, his teeth bared. Is my Romeo ill of health?”

“Juliette, canst thou not sweep? A child’s plaything hath dug deep into my sole.”

“Canst thou not bend thy leaden arse to retrieve it? Where is he who scaled to my bedchamber pledging his undying love?”

“Alack. Better my life had ended with poison.”

“Oh churl! Better I had run myself through with thy happy dagger.”     


And because I can…Announcing my new granddaughter

Elsie Lola Feraday-Fields

Born Sunday, 12 November 2017

131 comments on “8 December 2017

  • Congratulations on the new granddaughter. I’m sure the bard wouldn’t have minded too much 😉 (Warning, adult material): of course the bard would have followed up your last line with “Thou seemed happy enough to be run through with my dagger.” Which would bring up the entire thing about if he kept it sheathed, perhaps there wouldn’t have been children’s’ toys to step on… But yeah, a chance meeting between two hormone addled teenagers doesn’t always lead to a happy marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

  • I love this twist on Romeo and Juliet’s outcome. Teens change, both in physical appearance and sometimes in their outlook on life. Hence, methinks they might not have had such a glorious marriage. But then, it would not be a timeless tale, would it? Well, unless you wrote it of course. And yes, our granddaughter IS GORGEOUS. But then, look at her genes.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dear Jan,

      I couldn’t help but wonder what life would’ve been like for these two young teenagers if they had married. On the other hand, it’s Shakespeare. It might have been very different if Norman Lear had written it. 😉

      Thanks, m’luv


  • What a hilarious interpretation — and a pretty accurate one, I would guess! Marry in haste, repent in leisure. I especially liked the image of Romeo stepping on what I pictured as a Lego — I honestly did laugh out loud.

    Speaking of babies, your new granddaughter is so adorable!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Alice,

      My son’s pretty experienced in the toys on the floor department. Elsie has a six-year-old sister. 😉 Although when he was her age, his arse was pretty leaden when it came to picking up his own toys. Thank you.




    • Dear Eric,

      Of course Romeo and Juliette never lived happily ever after. 😉 I’ve often thought about writing the same type of stories for Sleeping Beauty or Snow White. Can’t you see it? Snow White and her 7 little brats. Prince No Longer Charming guzzling ale and hanging out at the jousting matches? It’s a thought.
      Thank you for your lovely comments all the way around. 😀



      Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Christine,

      Had those two actually married they would have had some rude awakenings I’m sure. Pity they killed themselves without learning those harsh realities. 😉 Three sons, two granddaughters. Life is good. ❤ Thank you.



      Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Björn,

      They say you never really know a person until you live with them. I know this is true. Romeo and Juliette fell in love with window dressing. 😉 I couldn’t help but think of the ‘what if’s’.

      Thank you and Shalom



  • Hahah – I can’t stop laughing Rochelle. Brilliant, simply brilliant. I always did wonder what would have happened to them had they gotten married but to have it cleared up in the bard’s own language was a masterstroke. And congratulations! Your granddaughter is so cute and adorable – lots and lots of love and good wishes to the little one 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  • Dear Speedy Gonzales W(T)F,

    I can’t believe she used the leaden arse line to bemean poor Romeo. I bet she hid the TV remote too. Next she’ll be giving him the Ice Woman treatment.

    Hilariously well done. I’ve been waiting in line 22 hours to read this blog, but it was worth it.
    Long-suffering Lorenzo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Long-suffering Lorenzo,

      I’d say he deserves the Ice Woman treatment but I suppose we could argue this one until one of us runs him or herself through with a happy dagger. Perhaps Jan or Connie would like to referee.
      Many thanks for thy praise. I thank thee for braving the long line.


      Speedy Gonzales W(T)F

      Liked by 1 person

  • This is such fun! Young love doesn’t seem so romantic when it becomes jaded, shattered, sleep deprived love, does it? Just had me smiling all the way! And congratulations on the arrival of lovely Elsie – she’s gorgeous 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Lynn,

      I’m a realist. If Romeo and Juliette hadn’t been stupid enough to kill themselves and had married I think they would’ve been in for an even ruder awakening. 😉 Well that’s my jaded take on it. Thank you for the comments and congrats. She is gorgeous, isn’t she? 😀



      Liked by 1 person

      • Always felt frustrated with Romeo and Juliet – what daft ways to die! All they needed to do was hold on a bit longer, find out exactly what had happened instead of rushing into things like that … Annoying. Liked your interpretation though 🙂


  • You have opened up a whole new way of reading Shakespeare. But I think reading bedtime stories to grandchildren is better, congratulations.


    • Dear Jan,

      It was our keynote speaker at OWL who sparked the idea for this story when he made the comment that Romeo and Juliette hardly knew each other. I love how the muse works when you least expect it. 😉 Thank you on all accounts.




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