Humor

All posts in the Humor category

19 July 2024

Published July 17, 2024 by rochellewisoff

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PHOTO PROMPT © Lisa Fox

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Genre: Cliche Fest
Word Count: 100

AS THE OLD SAYING GOES

“Ever stop to think about old sayings?” asked Brittany. “Like what do they really mean?”

“Who cares?’ Todd braced himself for one of his sister’s tangents. “It’s no skin off my nose.”

“Aha! You just used one. Or what about by the skin of our teeth. Where’d that come from? Since when do teeth have skin?”

Todd rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Being your sister is no picnic.”

“That could be taken as a compliment.”

She frowned. “What?”

“The last time we went on a picnic, we were plagued by flies and ants. In other words, flattery will get you everywhere.”  

***********

12 July 2024

Published July 10, 2024 by rochellewisoff

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PHOTO PROMPT © Ronda Del Boccio

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Genre: Histerical Fiction
Word Count: 100

THE THLOT PICKENS

“It was a matter of time,” I told Lois. “The man was evil personified. He cast a dark shadow on everything and everyone. It boiled down to where and when.”

            Lois looked up from her register. “How did you end up doing it?”

            “Derringer at close range.”

            A gasp interrupted our conversation. I turned to see a blue-haired lady clutching a cantaloupe, her eyes wide and mouth agape.

            Busted! My cheeks blazed. I flashed a sheepish grin. “Sorry, I didn’t realize anyone else was listening.”

            “Not to worry,” Lois pointed at me. “She’s just a crazy writer.”

It’s not exactly fiction. An author needs to be careful what she says in public. 😉 Believe me, this character really did need killing.

***********

5 July 2024

Published July 3, 2024 by rochellewisoff

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PHOTO PROMPT © Nancy Richy

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Genre: Humor if it weren’t so true.
Word Count: 100

MOMENT OF TRUTH

The menacing scale in my doctor’s office looms before me. Every six months I’m forced to face the numbers.

I’m sure I’ve gained thirty pounds since my last visit.

Mom would say, “Forget about the number. How do your clothes fit?”

Nurse Godzilla, clipboard in hand, urges me to step up.

The accusing voice in my head screams. “Hippo!”

This is ridiculous. I’m making myself crazy. Will the voices ever still?

Holding my breath, eyes shut, I ascend the monster. Opening my eyes, I’m surprised to see I’ve lost a pound since last time. I grin. I’m safe…until next time.

********

24 May 2024

Published May 22, 2024 by rochellewisoff

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PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

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Genr: Memoir
Word Count: 100

ON A ROLL

My father was a cook by trade and a baker by passion.

There was nothing he loved more than cooking for a crowd or creating delicious desserts. Pineapple cheese pecan pie was his signature dish. It’s my decided opinion that the Philadelphia cream cheese company owes him for the publicity. In fact, as I was giving birth to my third son, Dear Old Dad was outside the door feeding the nurses cherry-cream-cheese muffins.

At his funeral a year later, the young rabbi delivered a beautiful eulogy.

I couldn’t help but think, “If Dad were here, he’d bake her a pie.”

My dad is the reason I became a cake decorator. We took a class together. I surprised him with this cake on his 65th birthday. 😀

********

26 April 2024

Published April 24, 2024 by rochellewisoff

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PHOTO PROMPT © Fleur Lind

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The following is admittedly a seven-year-old rerun. I’ve been extremely distracted of late and didn’t feel I could get away with another “my muse didn’t show up story.”…which she didn’t. 😉

Genre: Historical Fiction
Word Count: 100

FAMILY TREE

            “‘And they lived happily ever after.’” Leah shut the storybook.

            Shifra’s raisin-brown eyes, round as bottle caps, sparkled. “Bubbie? Did you love Grandpa at first sight?”

            “He was only eight when we met. Mama took him in…hid him from the khappers, bad men who snatched little Jewish boys from their homes and made them serve twenty-five years in the Czar’s army.”

            “Did she hide him in the closet?”

            “No she was smart, my Mama.”

            “He was like your brother, right?”

            Leah pointed to a tintype on the table of two little bonneted girls and grinned. “More like my sister.

*****

Below is my first attempt at creating a reel on Canva and posting it to Instagram. It works on my end if I click the picture. Let me know how it works for you.

The ebook can be preordered HERE, HERE and HERE! Release Date is June 4! If you’re not an ebook fan, paperback and hard back copies will be available on and after June 4! 😀

19 April 2024

Published April 17, 2024 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

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Genre: Non-Function
Word Count: 100

AROUND THE BLOCK

Who chose this prompt anyway? Oh, yeah. I have only myself to blame. Not only did I post this photo, I snapped it as well. It’s one of those cute little shops in the Cotton Exchange in Wilmington, North Carolina.

One would think, given the place’s rich history, I could find something to write about.

Lemme see. I could write about the Chinese Laundry that resided there in the early 1900s. Or what about the barber shop that was destroyed in a fire? Nope. Google’s leading me nowhere and my mind’s stuck in neutral.

Sorry, y’all.  Nothing to read here.

*******

WE HAVE A BOOK!

LAST DANCE WITH ANNIE is still set for release June 4th. But this past weekend I received two hardback author copies of the book at our Ozarks Writers League conference. My publisher had a few advance copies for sale as well. 😀 The first autographed copy goes to my husband. 😉

12 April 2024

Published April 10, 2024 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Susan Rouchard

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Genre: Anecdote
Word Count: 100

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO PROCRASTINATE

“It’s time to clean this cluttered basement.” Stacks of boxes from our last move wait on shelves to be gone through—later.

Opening a cardboard box, I sneeze at the musty odor. I pick up a tattered paperback and thumb through its yellowed pages.

Bunnicula.

How my now-grown son and I laughed at the antics of the family pets. I lose myself in the adventures of the dog, cat and, of course, the titular vegetable-sucking vampire rabbit.

“Look at the time.” I return the novel to the box. “I’ll get back to cleaning—later.”

Note: Bunnicula was a fun read. And my story is true. I really could use some organizational help here. 😉

And on the subject of books:

My book LAST DANCE WITH ANNIE is available for ebook preorder on the following sights: HERE, HERE and HERE! Release Date is June 4! If you’re not an ebook fan, paperback and hard back copies will be available on and after that date. 😀

29 September 2023

Published September 27, 2023 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Jennifer Pendergast

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Genre: Fiction
Word Count: 100

SCHOOL DAYS

Alice chewed her pencil until it looked like it had been attacked by woodpeckers. She groaned. “I detest homework. Why do I have to do it.”

“To learn,” said Jacob. “To develop your brain.”

“My brain’s already worn out from school.” She jutted out her lower lip. “Whose bright idea was this anyway. Homework. Blecch.”

“You could blame the German philosopher, Johann Gottleib Fichte. Or more recently, American politician Horace Mann. After a visit to Prussia, so impressed with their educational system, he brought homework to America.”

“Whoa. How’d you learn all that?”

“Easy.” Jacob shrugged. “I did my homework.”

1 September 2023

Published August 30, 2023 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson

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Genre: Partly Fiction
Word Count: 100

In 1953 Gasoline (Petrol to our folks in the UK) was 20 cents a gallon. You could mail a letter for 3 cents and go to the movies for 70 cents. And the list goes on. A few influential people were born that year, including Tony Blair, John Malkovich, Mary Steenburgen and Yours Truly. 😉 September 4 is the actual day which I do share with Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs. of Welcome Back Kotter fame.

AGING IS ANOTHER WORD FOR LIVING

“Seventy,” I say, trying to wrap my head around it. “Seventy? Really?”

            “Careful,” says Dale with a twinkle in her eye. “A lady never tells her age.”

            “Why?”

            “Dunno. It’s just a saying, like ‘lightning never strikes twice.’”

            I once wrote a flash about swimmer Maurine Kornfeld or “Mighty Mo” who’s still breaking records at one-hundred-and-one.

            Last week my ninety-year-old friend Ernie shared his lap lane with me.

            “Big plans for your day?” asks Dale.

            “Yep. I’m going to start my day by swimming my usual two miles while I ponder what I want to be when I grow up.

*Three years ago I wrote about Mighty Mo. CLICK here to read about this amazing lady.

18 August 2023

Published August 16, 2023 by rochellewisoff

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The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.

PHOTO PROMPT © Brenda Cox

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Genre: True Confession
Word Count: 100

SQUARE EYES

Binge watching has become one of my guiltiest pleasures. I confess, I’m a streaming junkie. Through the magic of Netflix and other platforms I’ve been around the world without leaving my room.

My favorites are films from Israel, South Korea, and Japan.

I have become adept at reading subtitles for I eschew dubbing, preferring the actual voices and intonations. Not to mention I’ve picked up a few words here and there.

Chalk it up as a learning experience.

You may ask. What else have I learned?

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Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

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