Sleepwalk

Published May 11, 2012 by rochellewisoff

Here it is! My Friday Fictioneers offering for the week. Special thanks to Madison Woods for the challenge.

 

Like a pearl brooch pinned to mottled velvet, the moon glistered through a web of tree branches. A desperate voice yelled her name.

“Kanzie.”

With a scream, she woke to every dayshadows. After twenty years, she accepted her somehow comfortable blindness…until bedtime.

Always it was the same dream. Then one night she woke up outside. Mississippi air stuck to her skin like a damp cloak. Trees rustled in the hot wind.

Suddenly she could see! Six-years-old again, she remembered. Why did white-robed ghosts put that rope around her gentle Daddy’s neck? His terror-filled eyes drilled her.

“Kanzie, don’t look!”

29 comments on “Sleepwalk

  • Dear Rochelle,This was a very spooky/strange story that took me many places on the journey to its conclusion. Is Kanzie only sympathetically blind now? Very evocative and imaginative. I think 'every day' can be made into the one word that it is and 'glistered' is either a great regional adjective or a typo. i'm thinking the former. Good job overall, R. Thanks for writing it.Aloha,DougI know you've visited The Last of the First and I thank you for you comments there. This link is to transport some of your readers to the moon.http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/last-of-the-first/

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  • Wow – chock full of literary excitement, it seems like far more than 100 words. But it isn't – I checked! The opening sentence and the Mississippi air simile are great. It would read better as "everyday" but I like joining words together like some German lingual architect. And the idea of induced blindness in that way is sublime.

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  • OKay. This story is totally great in a thousand ways. Interesting, historical and metaphorical.However, like everyone here today, I have a question about something. This sentence didn't work for me: "Then one night she woke up outside." I think it would work better as "That night she woke up outside."That's all, The rest is perfection, absolutely.yours,Lindaura

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  • Hi Rochelle: Enjoyed this. I also gasped reading the surprise, twist ending. You said so much, in so few words. I have heard of people going blind after traumatic experiences. The moon "glistered" … poetic. Never saw the word before…looked it up. Nice. Thanks for visiting and commenting on my "blind" story as well.

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  • Hi Rochelle: My first comment didn't publish. Nice work. The surprise, twist ending made me gasp as well. I've heard of people going blind after traumatic experiences. Never saw the word "glistered" before. Looked it up. Nice. Love learning new words. Thanks for visiting and commenting on my "blind" story.

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  • I'm running late with the last handful of stories. Following behind so many good comments leaves me little to add. Well done and "ditto" to all the above remarks.Thanks for visiting and commenting on my site.

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