WELCOME TO FRIDAY FICTIONEERS!
Seize the opportunity to free your muse and allow her take you on a magic carpet ride.
Henry David Thoreau said it best.
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
THE CHALLENGE:
Write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.)
THE KEY:
MAKE. EVERY. WORD. COUNT.
THE RULES:
- Copy your URL to the Linkz collection. You’ll find the tab following the photo prompt. It’s the little white box to the left with the blue froggy guy. Click on it and follow directions. This is the best way to get the most reads and comments.
- MAKE SURE YOUR LINK IS SPECIFIC TO YOUR FLASH.
- While our name implies “fiction only” it’s perfectly Kosher to write a non-fiction piece as long as it meets the challenge of being a complete story in 100 words.
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TO THOSE WRITING HISTORICAL FICTION (MYSELF INCLUDED): While WIKIPEDIA is usually a decent source of information, it’s not always reliable one. As a rule, I use it as a jumping off point to other research threads. It’s a good rule of thumb to use more than one source. I speak from experience when I say that a simple 100 word story can bring serious repercussions.
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- ***PLEASE MAKE NOTE IN YOUR BLOG IF YOU PREFER NOT TO RECEIVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.***
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**Please exercise DISCRETION when commenting on a story! Be RESPECTFUL.**
Should someone have severe or hostile differences of opinion with another person it’s my hope that the involved parties would settle their disputes in private.
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My story follows the photo and link tool. I enjoy honest comments and welcome constructive criticism.
Genre: Speculative Fiction
Word Count: 100
WE ALL FALL DOWN
“Classic nineteenth century architecture,” I tell my clients, “complete with functional…el-elevator.”
In front of me looms the steel leviathan that’s haunted my dreams for as long as I can remember. A thousand times I’ve clung to its lacquered grate only to slip and fall to my death at the bottom of the shaft.
“Ring-around-the-rosy…”
In a ruffled pinafore, a child skips toward the elevator. With eyes I know like my own she smiles up at me and waves. Transfixed, I watch her stumble through the open gate.
“…pocket-full-of-posies. Ashes. Ashes…”
She screams, grasps at the grate and vanishes like smoke.
Deliciously chilling. The mother in me feels ill just thinking about it.
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Dear Siobhán,
The mother in me, too. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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That’s one of my fears also, so I can identify with that nighmare. Some of the elevators in India don’t even have a protective grill that closes. Some aren’t kept in good condition, and some don’t work at all. Every once in a while there’s a terrible accident. This was well written as usual, Rochelle. Great description.
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Dear Patricia,
I think if I were in India, I’d opt for the stairs. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Terrific! Reincarnation at its best. You’re surely showing the breadth of your capabilities this week Rochelle. Well done.
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Dear Sandra,
I’m so pleased that it worked. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ah.. what a horrid little story… falling through an old elevator have always scared me… This is what nightmares are made of.
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Dear Björn,
Given the context, I’m taking your comment as a compliment. Right?
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Of course.. I love dark
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😉
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Oooh creepy story!! Beautifully written as always.
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Many thanks, Jessie. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
I am unhinged in time…
Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Dear Doug,
And the seasons they go round and round.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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i love the world
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Little girl ghosts…the scariest of all! A recurring dream is pretty scary too. 🙂
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Dear Sarah,
Especially when you’re intimate with the little girl and her “dream.” 😉 Thanks for commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Nice one Rochelle, all very dark and well written.
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Thank you, Michael. Happy you dropped by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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A trickle down my spine!! 🙂
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Brings a smile to my face. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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pretty amusing – if a trickle down the spine brings smile instead of fear and chill to someone! 😀
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Trickle down your spine means my mission was accomplished. 😉 😉 😉
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😀 agreed !!
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Fear of falling off a ledge is one of my bugbears. I woke up trembling from such a nightmare this morning. thanks to your story I now have another one!
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Dear Liz,
I’m not sure whether to feel pride or remorse. Thank you. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Mysterious and scary…
Nice!
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Nice of you to say so, Satya. Many thanks.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh that was terribly good!
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Thank you, Zainab.
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smart touch…. nice story… 😉
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Dear Aiman,
Thank you for you kind words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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that was my pleasure,,, 😀
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a true nightmare! perfectly chilling… and the children’s rhyme was such a wonderful touch 🙂
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Dear KZ,
There’s something about the song that creeps me out, too. Therefore I had to use it. I’m pleased that you liked it.
Thank you and Shalom,
Rochelle
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My guess is those clients won’t see that on the disclosure. I can just hear the question…”So, are you saying the elevator is or is not a death trap?” This has the makings of the perfect movie about a couple who buy a downtown loft and get the shaft. Terrific!
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Dear Honie,
Hm. I hadn’t looked at the story this way. I’m sure this agent won’t want to disclose her nightmares or the reasons for it. 😉 Thank you for the high marks.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Well, I do have real estate on the brain just now. Buying and selling is giving me nightmares. 🙂
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“Nice” change of pace, Rochelle, and the stuff of which many night mares are made. I used to have dreams of falling and then I’d wake up. I always read that if you hit the ground, you’d die. Then one day, I dreamt that I touched the ground as softly as a feather and I’m still here to write about it. Or am I? 🙂
janet
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Dear Janet,
Rumor has it that we’re really holograms. 😉 Glad you liked my story. After all the lightness of late, I had to creep back over to the dark side.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Elevator shafts are indeed scary, as far as places to fall into and die, generally go. The whole atmosphere of the story had me chilled. Well done!
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Dear Sam,
Mission accomplished. Glad you liked. 🙂
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh, my goodness, Rochelle, this has so many layers of possible interpretations that it can keep your readers thinking about it for days — even months! Is it really her in another sphere of time; is it in reality her daughter; is it a description of the dream itself, which is recurring because it’s something that is going to happen to her daughter; did this happen to her daughter in the past, and that’s why she relives it in her own dreams …….??? Writing like this can so capture your reader that it “clings” to him for a long time as he tries to get a final handle on it. I’d be interested to know — if you’re in the mood to share — whether this intriguing layering was deliberate on your part from the beginning or if it just developed as the story unfolded.
Really good writing!
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Dear Sandra,
I’d tell you but then I’d have to…nah, not really. My intent is actually that the little girl really is her in a past life and that’s why the dream keeps recurring. It’s not really a dream. I hadn’t thought about it being her daughter. At any rate, your comments turn my head and make me smile.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle,
I’d say you never cease to surprise me, but by now I’m not surprised at the stellar stories you produce. This is like that recurring nightmare that you just can’t shake. If I dream about elevator shafts tonight, I’ll be sure to credit you. (By the way, this seemed like a particularly Jewish elevator, with all the Stars of David in the grill. I like. 🙂 )
-David
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Dear David,
Thank you for the high compliments. Friday Fictioneers is a great venue for experimentation, isn’t it? Although with this one, I’m feeling a little guilty as a few have blamed me for their nightmares. (Okay, I don’t really feel guilty…I take that as a compliment as well.)
Yes, I did notice the stars in the grill. Seemed too obvious for me.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, what a creepy scene – like a horror movie. I love it. Excellent writing. Thank you for the great nightmare a commin’! Nan
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Dear Nan,
I seem to be responsible for a few nightmares this week. 😉 Should I feel bad about this? Nah. Thank you for…um…dropping by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I agree with everyone preceding – creepy-licious. Almost a ghost story.
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Dear Rants,
Thank you. I don’t write creepy often but when I do it’s nice to know it works. 😮
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This is as chilling as it can get Rochelle-am still frozen-with the shock of it all!Just what I needed for this hot evening 😀 Loved it 🙂
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Dear Atreyee,
Happy to provide the needed chill. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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:-)A pleasure always to read your stories every week and participate in FF -thank you Rochelle for your love and support and for being such a gracious host,tc & God Bless xx
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Wow, that’s a much different look at elevators. So tragic and creepy.
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Dear Eric,
It was the first thing that came to mind when I looked at the elevator. Thank you for commenting. 🙂
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Your use of “Ring Around the Rosy” makes the chill in this more effective. Neat take on the prompt.
I tripped over “with eyes I know like my own.” I reread it several times, and that phrase still feels awkward although I understand your meaning. JMHO 😀
Peace,
Marie Gail
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Dear Marie Gail,
You know what they say about opinions. 😉 Seriously, I struggled with that line and was limited by the word count. I’m a bit of a slave to it.
Thank you for your comments and compliments. Sweet to have you aboard.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I’m thoroughly enjoying the journey, Rochelle. My personal opinion regarding the word count is that it is there to help me improve my writing. As you know, when I feel that keeping strictly to it would harm the story, I add a few extra. I think that’s a carryover from my work with poetry as I’ve found that some themes don’t work in certain poetic forms. When that happens, I just move it to another form.
Clearly, I love literary theory at least as much as I love writing. 🙂
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Oyy, that’s a creepy story. You’ve told it well.
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Many thanks, Gina. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Absolutely awful, in the best way!
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Thank you, Lisa. 😉
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Gloriously spooky! Glad it’s daytime though I will undoubtedly flash on the image after dark. You’ve successfully creeped me out–your work here is done 🙂
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Dear Sorchia,
Mission accomplished. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Wow! I was on the edge of my seat! Your little snippet brought back memories of The Shining. 😀 Love it!
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Dear Judah,
I never saw The Shining. Maybe I should. 😉 Thank you. You made me smile.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You definitely should! It’s reached icon status, but likely won’t be very scary to you now. You know how that goes…
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I have this feeling that I could read your story twenty times and still not get to the bottom of it.
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Dear Lauren,
That’s quite a compliment. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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How different from your usual fare, Rochelle. I could feel the fear creeping around the edge of this story, and the rhyme fitted well with the child’s POV while keeping the menace of the adult’s.
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Dear Jennifer,
I enjoy a good stretch. I’m pleased that it seems to have worked. Thank you for swinging by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Well, that would put a twist on one’s life. Seeing another ‘you’ as a young child falling down an elevator shaft. Scary stuff there. Well done! You’ve given all of us nightmares. 😉
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Dear Jackie,
Normally I wouldn’t want to be the provider of nightmares. In this instance I’ll take it as a compliment. Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Fab as usual 🙂 Rochelle I’m struggling to add mine to the linky, it won’t open, any ideas? x
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Hi Helen,
Thank you for the compliment. Seems we’re joined by nursery rhymes this week. 😉 If you want I can look up your email and try to link you. Aside from that I don’t know why you’d have trouble opening it.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Can you try and link me, thanks 🙂
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You know the story of ring around the rosy? It was a song sung during the black death. The plague was recognized by a rosy color ring on the skin. The bodies were burned and smelled so bad people put posies in the pockets to cover the smell of death. Your story reminded me of this story. Well done Rochelle.
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Dear Kim,
I do know the story of ring around the rosy. It helped up the chill factor for me. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I knew you would know it. That’s why that thought came to to mind when reading your story this week.
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ahh, I have an adventurous little girl playing with an elevator as well. Nice story this week
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Dear Carrie,
I’m afraid my little girl’s adventurous spirit got her into trouble. Thank you. Nice to see you back here.
shalom,
Rochelle
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I have yet to decide if mine will get into trouble…at this time.
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I am always creeped out by that song and the image of a little girl singing it. You made me shudder with that one. Excellent!!
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Dear Lisa,
In this instant I’m glad to have made you shudder. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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WOW. So glad to be here at my first FF. Great post!
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Dear Shandra,
Thank you and welcome. It’s good to have you here. I do have a question. I clicked on your link on the list and there doesn’t seem to be a Friday Fictioneers story to go with the photo prompt on your blog. Let me know if I can help with any confusion.
Shalom,’
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle! It’s been published now. 🙂
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🙂
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Rochelle, you’ve set up a powerful and chilling atmosphere here of a dream-like haunting. I love that you’ve left us to wonder whether it’s a nightmare, a haunting or both.
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Dear Karen,
I’m warmed and encouraged by your comments. Thank you.
shalom,
Rochelle
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The feelings are beautifully described, Rochelle.
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Thank you, Tanvi.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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woaaa that’s enough to give me nightmares 🙂 wonderful write
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Dear Rajlakshmi,
Sorry about the nightmares. 😉 Thank you for commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Very chilling. I love it.
Where was this taken?
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Dear Al,
Thank you for the compliment. I snapped this photo last summer in an old building in Kansas City’s West Bottoms which was downtown in the late 19th century. The whole building was set up with antique shops. No air-conditioning, very hot and dusty. It would be magnificent if someone would restore those buildings. Beautiful architecture and a place to let the imagination run wild.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Living in a 19th century building myself, I know what mean with those. Although mine doesn’t have an elevator – which is a pain as there are loads of stairs. My place needs restoring as it is full of holes in the ceiling. 15 foot high rooms, chandeliers, 13 foot windows, huge balconies and views to die for.
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what a nightmare! – I could imagine the situation so well…thank you Rochelle
Liebe Grüße
Carmen
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Thank you, Carmen. 😀
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I actually got goose bumps from this! What an awesome story!
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Dear Adelie,
Goosebumps? Nice. Thank you very much.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle this was a scream. Great ending to the story.
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Thank you, Subroto. 😉
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That was so realistic! I could picture the skipping child.. Very well done!
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Many thanks, Shailajav. 🙂
Shalom,
Rochelle
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definitely among the best that you’ve written.
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thank you, plaridel. glad you liked it.
shalom,
rochelle
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Always great, Rochelle! This one really sent a chill up my spine. The image of the child lingers, as does this story! Really great.
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Dear Dawn,
For some reason, perhaps the fact that she was in that building, this one rather haunts the author. Glad it worked for you, too.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Horrifyingly effective! Very different from some of your other stories – I liked being surprised!
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Dear Erin,
Thank you for the comments and compliments. I think I surprised myself with this one. 😉
Glad you liked.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle – can you tell me if the links back to your blog and to the FF stories are working on my blog? When I copy and paste yours it looks okay but the one to the other writers doesn’t look right.Thanks – Liz
Date: Wed, 19 Mar 2014 07:31:56 +0000 To: lizmaryyoung@hotmail.com
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Dear Liz,
It actually linked back to my blogspot profile. Aside from that everything looks fine to me. I don’t think I’m much help, am I?
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yeah, that’s what I think about when I see these rickety elevators. Like something will go terribly wrong. Oh, what a tragic end, Rochelle. Beautifully crafted. I had no idea where it was heading. And, of course, your choice of song is haunting as well, considering its history.
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Dear Amy,
I remember those elevators from childhood. And there was just something about the building itself that spoke to me in eerie terms. Thank you for your comments and compliments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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OH, yes. Down and down and down she goes and where she stops …
You were right, it IS a departure. Got anymore?
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Dear Kent,
Don’t know if I have any more like this one or not. Sometimes the Muse takes me by surprise. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Truly frightening
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Thank you, Bryan. 😉
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the coldness of those elevator doors…the echo of that nursery rhymes really come together well in your story. it’s a real cold story. i love it!
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Dear Sun,
Your comments warm me. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Pure and simple, I think you’re ready to write “The Shining II.” Fabulously frightful!
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A pure and simple thank you, Perry. (Not sure about The Shining II)
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Good grief! Horror combined with a nursery rhyme made it bone-chilling!!! Well-done.
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Thank you, Joyfulness. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Scary! This gave me the chills!
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Mission accomplished. 😉 Thank you, Barb.
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🙂
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As I started to read this I thought it was the story of her child who died in an accident but the ruffled pinafore gave it a past-life reference. Good story either way–and a warning to check the status of the elevator before you skip into it.
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Dear VB,
You got it. Past life was my intent. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ooh, creepy, and great use of the poem to add that extra chill factor.
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Dear Ali,
I’m pleased that it worked.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Wow. Very chilling a and unnerving. Perfectly executed.
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Many thanks, Caroline.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dark, very dark. A great read, Rochelle, thank you! I dislike lifts/elevators intensely…
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Dear Freya,
Fortunately elevators aren’t what they used to be. I prefer them to escalators. Better yet, good old fashion stairs. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yes, stairs don’t tend to break down, do they…!
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Great nightmare. I have several interpretations, probably none of which accurate. Soooo well written.
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Dear Patrick,
You never know…one of them might just nail it. Glad you liked. Thank you for your head turning compliment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle,
I’m going to give you what I assure you is a compliment, darling, though it may not seem so at first — this didn’t seem like your writing at all.
This is a side of your writing I don’t think I’ve seen before, and that you continue to surprise me by pulling new tricks, new flavours, new ideas out of that Mary Poppins-esque bag of yours gives me new respect for you each and every week.
You are a marvelous writer, and this was creepy and ethereal — there was a dream-like or ghost-like quality to it, leaving, as Patrick says, much open to interpretation.
Fantastic story.
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Dear Helena,
Why on earth would I not take that as a compliment? Possibly one of the best I’ve ever received. And with that I say thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle, Rochelle
I never realized the 100 word stories I could tell
Until the the day we met – my inner writer I did neglect
And now it would appear that the Wednesday/Thursday/Friday Fictioneers
Have secured a place of prominence in Blogged Artistry’s web presence
So – until we meet again next week with creative gas tanks replete
I can only wonder if the next prompt will end in victory or defeat! 🙂
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Dear Jen,
Happy you joined. It fast became an addiction for me two years ago. I didn’t start out as the bus driver. You never know what will happen when you accept the challenge, do you? 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Humorous but with a deadly ending. Like it!
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Dear Weltchy,
Glad you liked. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I like how you incorporated the children’ song. I could hear it eerily playing in my head while I read your story.
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Dear Dawn,
Funny how a song can cement the deal. Have you ever seen the movie Fallen with Denzel Washington? Once you see it you never hear “Time is on my Side” quite the same way. Thank you for swinging by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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No but Denzel is one of my favorites. I’ll have to check it out.
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Do. It’s one of his best IMHO. Creepy movie
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Rochelle
Your story has reminded me of a childhood experience with an elevator that my mom brings up every so often.
I got over it. Not sure about her.
Escalators? Another story.
Regards
Jim
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Dear Jim,
I’m guessing your elevator experience was anything but uplifting. Thank you for coming by and commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle
You are correct!
Regards
Jim
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Despite the horror of this, it has such an ethereal quality and lightness to it. It think it’s the nursery rhyme and pinafore dress. You words describe the scene so well that I can see her skipping along.
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Dear Sarah,
It seems that different people saw different things in my story. As an author I’m pleased with this. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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How horrifying! I’ve never been much of a fan of elevators myself, mostly because I got my fingers caught in the door of an elevator when I was small.
I think my favorite part of this was how you incorporated the song. I heard it echoing in my head as I read!
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Dear Tiffany,
Ouch. You made me wince. At any rate I’m pleased you like my story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Very well written Rochelle. The last line made me shiver.
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Dear Indira,
Thank you for the words and shivers.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What is it with nursery rhymes and unhappy endings. “when the bow breaks the craddle will fall, etc.” It reminds me of the hillbilly family that had 20 kids. One fell down the outhouse hole, when he tried to climb out his father whacked him in the head with a 2 x 4.
“Why did you do that?” asked the neighbor.
“I figured it was easier to make another one than to clean him up,” says the dad.
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Dear Russell,
Rather odd that a nursery rhyme like Ring Around the Rosy should be written and sung by children when it was about the plague. Nice, huh/
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