The next photo is the PHOTO PROMPT. Where does it take you? Can you tell us in a hundred words or less with a beginning, middle and end? Ready, set, write!
Genre: Realistic Fiction
Word Count: 100
INSTINCT
My brother was the valedictorian of his graduating class. Awarded a scholarship to Harvard, he owned the future.
When his draft notice came I was inconsolable.
“Duty calls, Sis. I’ll be back.”
Tonight we celebrate his sixty-fifth birthday. His hands tremble as he cuts the cake. The knife falls from his fingers and tears stream down in his cheeks.
“I cut off their ears and hung them from a chain on my belt loop.” He swallows a pill with a swig of beer. “Thirty-six kills. God, I miss it.”
My brother did come back from Vietnam but he never returned.
.
.
.
.
.
Always making us think, and reminding us of reality, even when it hurts. Well done, as usual. 🙂
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Dear Archon,
That time looms so vivid in my memories. We saw it every night on the news. The scenes from the DMZ and the protesters.
Thank you for your generous comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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‘I miss it’.
Wham, right in the solar plexus.
A superbly written indictment of the utter futility of war.
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Dear CE,
Not all casualties are buried six feet under, are they?
Thank you for you always stellar, head-turning comments. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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That last line is a killer Rochelle, A very powerful piece, beautifully written. The contrast between what he was in the narrator’s eyes, and what he now is… left me speechless.
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Dear Sandra,
To leave such an author as yourself speechless is one of the highest compliments I’ll get this week.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Powerful and moving.
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Thank you, Peter. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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poignant and amazing! realities of wars, well-penned Rochelle 🙂
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Thank you very much, Lady LM 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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As usual, a well written piece that slams you up against the realities of all the casualties of war. So much feeling in so few words.
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Dear Jan,
In two words, thank you.
Love,
Rochelle
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That was so powerful, it blew all the stories I could / would have written out of the window.
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Dear Joyful,
That’s very high praise. I hope you’ll still write a story. 😉
Thank you and shalom,
Rochelle
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Another very well written story. I also reminds me of the First World War, and how shell shock took away a part of who the soldiers were.
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Dear Francesca,
I’m afraid there are these types of casualties in any war. Vietnam was horrible for this in that, not only did our soldiers suffer over there, but were vilified and reviled when they returned home. Not a proud piece of American history. 😦
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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That last line sums it all, the horrors of war. Great story, Rochelle.
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Thank you, Loré.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This reminds me of Tim O’Brien’s “The Things They Carried.” Straight forward and horribly vivid story, Rochelle.
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Dear Stephonie,
Much of this story is based on an interview in a documentary entitled “First Kill.” Haunting.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Powerful, and so very realistic. Painful and poignant. Everything I felt in the era of Vietnam. Thanks. Van
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Dear Van,
As a an author it’s gratifying to know that my piece evoked so much emotion.
Thank you for your generous comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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So many different types of horror are illustrated here, Rochelle. Vietnam was particularly bad for our soldiers because of the reception they got at home. But any war, just or unjust, necessary or not, is horrible as are the results.
janet
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Dear Janet,
I agree. It was a shame the way the vets were treated. I’m glad that people have rallied and tried to make it up to them, but perhaps it’s too little too late.
My story is based on an interview I saw recently with a Vietnam vet. Horrifying.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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That’s what war does, I imagine. No combatant is immune from its brutalisation. There is, of course, an answer. An exceptional piece.
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Dear Patrick,
I believe the worst casualty of war is the mind/soul/spirit.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh! That last line has such a bunch. When I was sixteen, my eighteen-year-old boyfriend got such a low draft number there was absolutely no doubt he was off to Viet Nam. Sad times.
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Dear Alicia,
To those of us of a certain age, this is hardly ancient history, is it?
Thank you for commenting and sharing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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A wrenching tale well-told!
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Thank you, Karen. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This story is so amazingly short but carries a deeply disturbing message of what war is like. How could a person come back with the same innocence?
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Dear OnChi,
I seriously doubt that anyone could go to war and come back unchanged.
Thank you for your wonderful comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Forever changed.
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Dear Dawn,
How could anyone not be forever changed?
Thank you and shalom,
Rochelle
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So powerful! “My brother did come back from Vietnam but he never returned.” Inspiring.
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Thank you, Graham. I think many came back but never returned. 😦
Shalom,
Rochelle
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that was a nightmarishly controversial war in its day. So many of us…my age & younger..are entirely too young to remember anything about the era but its aftermath is still here
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Dear Larry,
That era changed this country…not necessarily for the better. Returning soldiers had to deal with scorn and ridicule in addition to the trauma they suffered. I remember the time well although I was a young teen at the time. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I’ve always been both sorry & happy I didn’t live through it. Certain things were sort of good up to a point. Things like excessive reaction to the war, the drug culture, sexual revolution & anything on the left are against all I stand for..
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Rochelle, that is very powerful!
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I don’t anyone ever came back the same from that war. All were deeply scarred by it in some way. Not all the scars were visible. A very poignant story, Rochelle. Well done!
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Dear Eric,
The scars that no one sees with the eye are the worst. A couple of vets I saw in a recent interview spoke of how they were turned into killers and when they came home were expected to be “normal.” I can write a story, but I really have no clue.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Proof positive that the victims of war did not necessarily lose their ears or life…I don’t think any soldier who has witnessed war does not suffer from some level of PTSD.
Heartbreaking and sucker-punched once again!
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Dear Dale,
There are so many casualties of war with scars that can’t be seen with the naked eye. Not only the soldiers who’ve experienced the horror firsthand, but their families as well.
Sorry about the sucker-punch…not really. 😉 That’s high praise. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Powerful. Many a veteran has found “peace” in a bottle.
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Dear Tracey,
Alas, it’s a fact of war.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle,
Wow.
I’m left pondering so many lines here, but especially “I miss it,” in such proximity to the ear-cutting. We have to assume he doesn’t miss the barbarity (although maybe he does) and therefore to see a wonderful oxymoron in that line.
You’ve taken a cliche and turned it into a real and surprising story. I often think cliches make great writing prompts, because they really challenge us to go beyond the obvious. You’ve done that here in spades, no just from the picture (which you always do), but also from that last line, which feels fresh here, even though it’s been used before.
Excellent stuff.
J
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Dear Jennifer,
Wow is a word I can use for your comments, too.
A humble thank you is all I can respond with.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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WOW – What a punch at the end – so very sad and unfortunately often true!
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Dear Bobi Jo,
Truth is sadder than fiction.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
I don’t think anyone has come back the same from war in the history of all humanity, but Vietnam was an extra helping of bad medicine. I wish those who pass the laws and declare the wars would take the time to really look at those they send to fight. Maybe we would find better ways to effect peace.
Good work.
All my best,
MG
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Dear Marie Gail,
The Vietnam era was a strange one. I’ve heard it said, “If you remember the ’60’s you weren’t really there.” Not necessarily so. I fear that as long as there are humans there will be wars.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
Get it done.
No questions.
Continue to rewrite your story.
It’s never too late to become who you were meant to be.
Yours in haste,
G.L. (U.B.)
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Dear G.L.ub,
Getting it done in four days. How low can you go?
Rewriting my story and planning my shelves.
Shalom,
I.A.G.
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A haunting story, sadly too true of many people that came back from war. Brilliantly written as always 🙂
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Dear Cheryl,
No one comes back from a war unscathed, do they?
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh my. Chilling story. What in the photo prompted that story? Just curious…
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Dear Lorna,
I love it when someone asks how I arrived at a certain story from a prompt. The bottles made me think of narcotics. Immediately my mind went to the addicts that the Vietnam war (as well as all the other wars) produced. I went from there to finding interviews with actual vets. One man had a nest of pill bottles in front of him, a few that he swallowed during the interview with trembling hands.
Thank you for asking and commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Hola Rochelle,
Oh my, it sounds like PTSD. No matter, scars don’t need a label. All of the soldiers from Vietnam and other wars have scars that they have to live with. My Dad and Father-in-Law told us stories of their experiences during the WW. No one is unscarred.
You packed a great deal in those few words.
BRAVA ….!!!!
Adios,
Isadora
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Hola Isadora,
It is indeed PTSD.
Thank you for such nice comments and shared experience.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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A good one. You made us admire the brother, then see what war can do to degrade a human.
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Dear Hillary,
This story is based on a chilling interview I watched with a Vietnam vet. “Degrade a human” is the proper description.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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The fatality count would get much higher than reported if we start including these ‘lost’ vets. A sad tale that is well crafted.
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Dear Ansumani,
I can’t help but count the loved ones of those vets as casualties as well. So much devastation.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Hi Rochelle,
That was a terrifying story at some level. Gut-wrenching. Excellent narration. I read your response to an earlier poster, asking how the prompt led you to your story. Glad to read your response — I was about to ask that question, so I’m glad I read your comments before I sat down to type.
Vijaya
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Dear Vijaya,
One of the things I love about writing for a Friday Fictioneers’ prompt is stepping outside the box. 😉 The other thing I love is explaining to someone how I got from Point A to Point B.
I believe the terror comes from the brother’s back story.
Thank you for taking the time to read, ponder and leave such nice comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I was sure by the way you described him cutting the cake that war had changed him hugely, but it was not in the way I expected. Great story and brilliant last line.
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Dear Ali,
I see where you started to go with that. 😉 Nah, no going postal here.
Thank you for such lovely comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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War: what’s it good for?
Great piece Rochelle.
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Dear Mick,
Absolutely nothin’. Good God, y’all.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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War changes everything and everyone. Very strong piece delivered in a few words.
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Dear Norma,
War definitely changes everyone, including the loved ones at home.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Wonderful piece. I had an instructor, a mentor, a man with a doctorate teach a few of my master’s classes, he served in Vietnam, and during one class that just happened to take place in his garage, I don’t remember the reason, maybe to make this next statement part of the lesson, but while there he told us that he had the ears of the men he killed in a jar, in the refrigerator sitting not far from us. Did we want to see them, and then he asked specific questions about our reaction to his statement, etc. I realized then that War is War, and to think you know it, to think you can judge a person who’s been there – well, I had no right. NONE. I admired this man, he was brilliant, a true scholar, hero, and war survivor. But no I did not need to see what he had in that refrigerator.The sad fact is a man or woman can come back whole and yet have scars deeper than any wound could ever cause.
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Dear Yolanda,
Did he really have ears in his refrigerator or was he going for the reaction? Either way, it leads me to believe this wasn’t an uncommon practice over there. The vet in my story is based on an interview with actual vet who did cut off the ears of his kills and carried them on a chain on his belt loop. He no longer has them because Customs wouldn’t allow him to take them.
Thank you for sharing this experience and making such a nice comment on my story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yes, my best friend never returned. I see him weekly but he’s never there.
DJ
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Dear Danny,
I’m sorry to hear the ring of truth this has for you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh Rochelle, this one truly carries an extra punch! “I miss it…” That single line, in an already beautifully crafted story, is haunting. Wow.
Sorry to be MIA… but too much going on, and will be for the next month or so! Youngest leaving (very unexpectedly) for college, and eldest waiting to give birth! My oh my… finding time for writing, or flash fiction is challenging! Thinking of you… xox
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Dear Dawn,
No need to apologize for your absence. We all understand or should. I’ll be sort of out of MIA this week while recovering from oral surgery.
Thank you for such a generous comment on my story.
I’ll be watching for news of that little one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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All the best with your surgery, Rochelle! Wishing you fast healing! xox
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Dear Rochelle, You have the gift of writing and your story is so true. Reading your story and then bam – it hits you with the truth “I miss it” Everyone can identify with this – you are an amazing storyteller! Nan
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Dear Nan,
Your very kind words make me smile. Thank you so much.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rodette Serling,
Several of the local boys, just a few years older than me, went off to Vietnam on their senior trip. None returned whole. You captured their story perfectly.
– Spike
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Dear Spike,
That was some senior trip. Strange times those.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rodette
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Very sad. I especially admire how you show that war destroys lives indiscriminately, those of the enemies, and those of the returning soldiers.
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Dear GAH,
In the show MASH, Hawkeye said it beautifully, “War is worse than hell. In hell there are no innocent bystanders.”
Thank you for your nice comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Terrifyingly sad. War destroys as well as kills. Sad story Rochelle
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Dear Solo,
Sometimes I wonder if living with the memories isn’t worse than dying.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Wow. That packs a punch.
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Thank you, Louise. 😀
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I got chills reading this. It’s a sad reality for many of those who “came back” from war. Well done, Rochelle.
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Dear Tiffany,
Chills? High compliment. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This hits home. My dad’s a Vietnam War vet. He sacrificed an eye and lifetimes of trauma to that war. He still has shrapnel in his back and some PTSD all these years later.
Wonderful story, Rochelle. Well done.
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Dear Emilie,
I can’t imagine that’s something anyone can forget. Give your dad a hug for me and tell him I said, “Thank you for your service.”
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a story, as smoothly and subtly rendered as possible. Glad my draft number was over 200.
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Dear Perry,
What a nice comment. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Duty is an incredibly powerful emotion – one I think the 21st Century is sadly lacking. But as your story points out, it has an important consequence too, and one we often overlook.
It’s been a couple of years since I did a Friday Fictioneers piece and it’s good to be back. Hope all is well with you Rochelle.
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Dear Linda,
It’s good to see you back.
The saddest part of the Vietnam war is that when these guys (and some of them had no choice) did their duty they were treated like criminals when they returned.
Thank you for dropping by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Arguably your finest, most psychologically complex piece. I am stunned. Really a strong one.
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Dear Hamish,
This is the kind of compliment an author lives for. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Great and informative story. All wars are so evil. The damage they do to soldiers is unspeakable.
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Dear Susan,
And wars have always been with us. I don’t get it.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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We are all brutalised by war. Some more than others, I guess. When will it end? A very moving story, Rochelle.
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Dear Margaret,
It seems there have always been war. I suppose when there are no more people, the wars will end.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Nice one Rochelle. I had a friend who came back silent and uncommunicative during a leave. Next time when he was on leave again he mentioned why he had been so silent the last time. A truck in the convoy he was on had been blown up by a land mine killing all the soldiers. And even nearer to home, my father had the task of identifying casualties and writing letters to the families after the war. I was told that he was silent and withdrawn for a few months later. I was born after the war ended and growing up I knew he had a gallantry award but he never talked about the war with us. I think about it now and perhaps that was his way of shutting those memories out.
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Dear Subroto,
I lived through the Vietnam era but remained untouched for the most part. A friend of mine is married to a vet and says that he still has nightmares. I can’t imagine it’s something you can ever ‘get over.’
Thank you for sharing and for commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Stunning story. So very well written. That subtle tweak at the end…
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Dear K.T.
To such a nice comment I can only reply with ‘thank you very much.’
Shalom,
Rochelle
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My OH did his National Service in Kenya against the Mao Mao. They had to cut off the thumbs of their kills for fingerprinting. He was 18. It changes people.
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Dear Rochelle, Hi! The first time I read the story, I could not comment. I was numb. You have a great way to tell a story in just 100 words.Last line is very powerful. I know so little about the world around me, every time I read your story I learn something new. Thanks for hosting FF. It’s great to read so much here. Love and hugs.
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