THOUGHTS ON WORD COUNT. It can be painful to slaughter darlings and the writer may think, “Impossible. My story won’t have the same impact without those 50 extra words.” Surprise! 99.9% of the time it’s not only possible, but preferable. That’s what this exercise is about. Learning to say more with less. Take a second look before posting. Start with adverbs and passive voice. Instead of “I was running as quickly as I could…” try “I rushed…” THINK ABOUT IT.
The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.
PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot
Genre: Historical Faction
Word Count: 100
FAMILY OWNED SINCE 1947
“What’ll it be, George?” Evalyne poised her pencil. “The usual?”
With a nod the man at the counter gestured towards the bulge under her apron and grinned at six-year-old Jeff. “That your baby brother?”
She tore the order from her pad. “Give this to Daddy, Jeff.”
Glowering at Evalyne, the stout cook, once slender and charming, snatched it from his son. “Scram, ya little putz!”
She clenched her teeth as Jeff slunk back into her protective embrace.
“It’s gonna be a sister.” Patting her tummy, he looked up at George. “Daddy don’t need another pest in the neck like me.”
Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple 
Gosh! That’s brutal! And so well-drawn
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Dear Neil,
Brutal is a good word for it. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I feel sorry for the little guy. And he was just doing as he was asked.
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Dear Fatima,
I feel sorry for him, too. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You say so much about this family in so few words. Wonderful!
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Dear Claire,
This family does put the D in dysfunctional. Thank you and great to see you back!
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Those brief moments can really pack a powerful punch. Great take.
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Dear Linda,
Those are the kind of brief moments that last a lifetime. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Nice slice of life here, Rochelle. You capture it well.
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Thank you, Josh. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Wow, very sad. Careful what you say to kids, they might believe it…
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Dear Trent,
Those words will definitely come back to haunt. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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A glimpse into the past. A simple action or word can have lifelong affects. Good story and brings to memory of old diners, and a time when the entire family worked them.
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Dear Jan,
Definitely an up close and personal glimpse for me. 😉 I remember family restaurants run by families. Words cut through to the heart, don’t they? Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This family’s dynamic told in so few words. So much is read between the lines.
Brilliantly done, Madame!
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Dear Dale,
It was a strange family dynamic that’s for sure. Thank you, mon amie.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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As that expression I loathe so much goes: It is, what it is! 😘
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Daddy, but not a father? There is nothing to hold men accountable for being a good piece of the family but parent’s roles are so crucial.
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Dear Joe,
This particular father gets mixed reviews. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It’s a tough and unfair life…
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It is indeed, Dahlia. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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pest in the neck… English as a second language I like the way this character comes off. Nicely done!
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Dear Bryan,
I had to use it. 😉 According to my mother, that’s what my brother said when someone asked if he wanted a little brother. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You really can Rochelle. In just 100 words you explained it all. Feeling very sorry for likes of George. Shalom.
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Dear Indira,
No doubt George found himself in an uncomfortable situation. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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So sad. At least Jeff has his mom to cling to, though moms back in the day were often silent, not daring to contradict the father authority or simply fearing his wrath.
I wonder if a lot of moms didn’t wishfully convince themselves that “Dad’s remarks can’t be that damaging. Surely Jeff knows Dad doesn’t really mean it”?
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Dear Christine,
Those were different times indeed. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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O my, I shall never see diners again in the same light that I once did.
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Dear Michael,
With a whole family in the business there’s bound to be some tension. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh, that’s just so sad. Poor little Jeff! Seems to me as if the once suave and slender George regrets his life choices and takes it out on his little lad – how many of us have seen that in real life? Makes me wonder what kind of man Jeff will grow into too. Very sad, Rochelle and very well written.
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Dear Lynn,
A little clarification, George in the story is the customer who is unwittingly watching the family dynamics. However, the cook who was once slender and handsome, did regret some of his life choices. My dad wasn’t a contented man. Jeff grew up with plenty of emotional issues of his own but is a good man dealing with those early seeds of discontent. He’s married and has three dogs he considers his children. (I’m in the story…look under Evalyne’s apron. 😉 ) Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It’s a sad way to spend your life, unfulfilled and unhappy, isn’t it? I know a few people like that, though some I suspect would be discontent whatever life had given them. Great story, Rochelle and I’m glad you peeped out from under Evalyne’s apron! 🙂
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Great story Rochelle. So much hinted at, but so much untold and left to speculate upon. I wondered what the cook’s own father was like and, if he was horrible too, how many generations would be trapped in the spiral of bad parenting. Also, is Daddy always like this, or is this just a bad day? (Business troubles maybe or has Evalyne recently revealed that the new baby’s father is actually someone who’s still slender and charming?). That’s no excuse for taking it out on little Jeff, of course, but what parent hasn’t spoken words he or she would like to take back?
All that from 100 words!
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Dear JS.
From what I’ve been told, the cook’s father was rather distant and his mother domineering. The baby’s daddy is definitely the cook who was, when he and Evalyne first married, charming and slender. 😉 Thank you for generous comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you Rochelle.
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I have a clear picture of the family and their life running the diner from this brief scene. Expertly done Rochelle.
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Dear Iain,
Be it ever so dysfunctional, there’s no place like the family-owned diner. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I hope that Jeff will learn from his mother and not his father… what a sad situation… and I wonder if that father don’t really like Evelyn to wait for men…
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Dear Björn,
Actually Evalyne’s husband was a jealous man, although that wasn’t the intent of this story. Jeff learned a lot from both parents and, in many ways, that he and I laugh about, is very much like our dad. (Yep, Jeff’s my brother.)
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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That poor little boy! His father’s treatment of him will likely traumatize him for life.
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Dear Magarisa,
Yes, it will and it did. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Sheesh! Poor little guy. Hopefully, Mom’s love will come out on top.
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Dear Lish,
Crazy family dynamic here. Mom did her best. Jeff never had kids of his own…only dogs. Yep, it’s based on fact. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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And he already has a sense of dissatisfaction in himself thanks to dad. Sad.
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Sad but true, Sascha. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Hi Rochelle,
Makes me sad for the little kid. To think he considers himself a pest. Enjoyed the story though. Here’s my take: https://katmyrman.com/2017/05/17/just-desserts/
Happy weekend!
Kat
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Dear Kat,
It was kind of a sad situation. Glad you enjoyed the story, though. 🙂 I hope you don’t mind, I took the liberty of linking your story to the inLinkz. (More readers will see it.) Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you Rochelle! I’m sorry I keep forgetting the inLinkz . Of course I don’t mind! Peace!
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Poor little kid. I hope he gets over it when he grows up. At least his Mum seems kind.
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Dear Ali,
I’m not sure if he really got over it when he grew up.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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The husband seems to be unhappy with himself and is passing it on in meanness to others. Good writing as always, Rochelle. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Dear Suzanne,
I can attest to the fact that the man wasn’t happy with himself. He was my father who was a rage-a-holic who was frustrated with his lot in life. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Rochelle,
It’s such a shame in life that some words once uttered can’t be taken back and forgotten. I sometimes think that it’s parents who should watch their P’s and Q’s, and not children. They so often load all their angst and disappointments upon their offspring. When parents argue, children can feel responsible for that argument even when it isn’t their fault? In particular, when youngsters haven’t yet reached the milestone of abstract thinking, they can easily take a teasing comment literally.
Your story so demonstrates just how much responsibility we have as adults, to think before we speak.
Well told.
All best wishes,
Sarah
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Dear Sarah,
This is one of those “write what you know” episodes from the Wisoff family–not to be confused with “I Love Lucy” of the same year. 😉 My brother still carries the emotional baggage. It’s the reason he never wanted to have children and opted for dogs instead. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh no! How sad that he had to have such a low self esteem so young in life! Hurts me!
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Dear Sabina,
It was a hurtful situation. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a terrible father. Those words will shape the boy down the road. He’s dooming his own son. That’s an example of how NOT to be father.
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Dear Eric,
I once heard someone say they wondered what would happen if Ralph Nader recalled all of the faulty parents. Jeff, as an adult, has issues that go back to those hurtful times. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Awwww poor little guy. What a terrible message to give a kid. That mother sure has a lot to deal with. I feel for the poor little guy
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Dear Laurie,
That mother did have a lot to deal with indeed. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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This was heartbreaking on so many levels. You drew the abusive and dysfunction family well.
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Dear Cindy,
Be it ever so dysfunctional there’s no place like emho. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Some people aren’t made for parenthood. This fry cook seems to one of them. Nice way to set the scene for the teachable moment gone terribly wrong.
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Dear StepHonie,
That fry cook was my dad. There were a lot of moments that went terribly wrong. Loved him dearly nonetheless but the way he treated my brother was awful.
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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How sad! But with some humor that helps me to hope that Jeff will be resilient. A lot in this scene!
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Dear Emily,
A sad situation and a very dysfunctional family. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a sorrowful situation.
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Dear Keith,
It was. Thank you for dropping by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ouch! I bet she didn’t enjoy the conception of that little girl.
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Dear Liz,
About conception I can’t say. It’s hard to think of one’s own parents…well, you know. 😉 I do know that he threatened to leave her if the baby was another boy. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Makes me want to tip him into the broiler!!
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Me, too, Connie. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thankfully Evalyne and Jeff have lovely customers like George to care for them. Jeff is too young to feel as he does. So full of emotion, good and bad, and we can only imagine why Daddy is so bitter.
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Dear Sarah Ann,
I suspect Daddy had a lot of frustration at being a mere fry cook when he had other dreams and aspirations. It’s a pity he took those out on his family. thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Ouch! Sounds like too many youths who call at my work trying to patch the painful cracks of their past. So much said in this story and the reader can imagine so many different scenarios in their home. As always, beautifully written, Rochelle.
Shalom, Cheryl-Lynn
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Dear Cheryl-Lynn,
Sadly, there are too many Jeffs, aren’t there? Thank you for your lovely comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a sad piece. Very well done! I always feel for kids brought into a family with parents in such a dysfunctional relationship.
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Dear Emily,
There are too many of those dysfunctional relationships…some worse than others. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh, Rochelle. Poor old George, a lot of sadness in very few words.
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Dear Michael,
No doubt George feels uncomfortable as the innocent observer. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Poor George, he’s so matter-of-fact about it.
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Dear Clare,
I think you might have Jeff and George confused. Sorry to have thrown in the monkey wrench. 😉 But Jeff was definitely matter of fact about wanting a sister. My mom repeated that ‘pest in the neck’ comment (in a different context) many times. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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