Like us on Facebook
“The key to building an audience is reading and commenting others’ works.” Russell Gayer
The next photo is the PROMPT. Remember, all photos are property of the photographer, donated for use in Friday Fictioneers only. They shouldn’t be used for any other purpose without express permission. It is proper etiquette to give the contributor credit.
As the new year has begun, I need to concentrate on my coffee table book. (I hope you’re not tired of hearing about it.)
There are always those scenes on the cutting room floor. Here’s one that didn’t make it into AS ONE MUST, ONE CAN. It’s edited from over 200 words as well. The lesson to be learned here is ‘never throw anything away.’ 😉
Genre: Historical Fiction
Word Count: 100
A TIME TO LAUGH
Guilt niggled Havah for watching Vaudeville at Electric Park on the Sabbath. But didn’t the Book say laughter is good for the soul?
Jugglers wearing gaudy costumes spun plates on sticks. Acrobats in skintight outfits flipped in midair.
Havah marveled when the magician made a pair of turtledoves appear out of nowhere.
“It’s called sleight of hand.” Itzak shrugged. “He probably had them stuffed in his trousers.”
“Who cares? He’s amazing!”
Next the trickster’s dog pointed to letters on cards with his paw to spell out his name—P-I-L-U.
In a stage whisper, Itzak said, “Glad his name isn’t Constantinople.”
wow – these are so amazing and fascinating quotes….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Mihrank. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
A good extra scene, Rochelle. I’ve read a writer should keep outtakes to possibly use again in some way. Good writing as usual. 🙂 — Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Suzanne,
I had a backstory that I’d originally written into the first novel. After working with it, I realized it just didn’t pulse the story forward. Nonetheless, I kept the segment. Turns out it works beautifully in the third novel. You just never now. 😀 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
What great advice, Rochelle, and what a lovely demonstration of its truth
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Neil,
I found this to be true with more than one scene in the books. Thank you. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
LOL Loved that humour at the end. A deleted piece that was great.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Irene,
Nothing’s ever lost. 😉 This scene will be in the next book…an expanded version actually. Stories in the coffee table book are averaging from 150 to 400 words. 😀 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad to hear it.
LikeLike
This piece is so much fun
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Bettina. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Nice little scene. There is always a skeptic 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Trent,
Some people are never going to believe it…even when they see it. 😉 Thank you.
LikeLiked by 3 people
And others will always believe even when they know it can’t be real.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love “Vaudeville at Electric Park.” Man, how times have changed. I like this a lot. It has a Doctorow feel to it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Josh,
That’s high praise indeed. Thank you for starting my day off with a smile. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wonder if the dog ‘chose’ his own name the first time! Lovely scene – a shame it never made the final edit but well worth sharing 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Iain,
This scene just didn’t pulse the overall story forward in the third book. However, not to worry, a longer version of this scene will be included in A Stone for the Journey. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a vivid scene you painted with your words Rochelle.Delightful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Keith,
Glad you enjoyed my little scene. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
This story made me chuckle at the end. Great writing. Very visual in so few words. I can hardly wait to read all the “new” stories that will accompany the artwork in “A stone For The Journey “. This will be an epic, must have book. Keep on keepin on M’luv.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Jan,
I’m hoping for epic. Epic would be good. 😀 Thanks m’luv for your continuing support
LikeLike
Ha… love the end lines… but also love the contradictions between the rules of the Sabbath and laughing… reminds me a bit of the name of the Rose, and the book on laughter that was kept secret.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Björn,
There were so many new things to discover and do in this new land that it lured the most pious from the Sabbath services. 😉 I’m glad that came across. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
A nice mixture of description and dialogue to tell your story. Good, fluent writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Penny,
I’ve always been a big fan of dialogue in literature. A lot of exposition can bog the reader…at least, this reader…down. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
LOL. You had my at Rocky and Bullwinkle. “Hey, Rock. Nothing up my sleeve.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hope you liked my story, too. 😉 Thanks for coming by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes. Guilt and the Shabbat. Oy. 😉
LikeLike
Just checking. Sometimes I wonder if I don’t shoot myself in the foot by posting a video. And this one in a comment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You can’t take some skeptics anywhere, can you?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Some people don’t believe what they see, do they, Jane? Thanks for reading and commenting.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
That is very true 🙂
LikeLike
Enjoyed reading about the kids’ fascination with the Vaudeville acts- love their down to earth skepticism. No bad things happened to them because it was the Sabbath – phew !
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Francine,
I suppose, just reading this snippet, you could take Itzak and Havah to be kids. Actually, in the books they’re adults…although Itzak never quite grows up. 😉 And no bad things happened to them. It’s interesting how entertainment has evolved, isn’t it? Vaudeville is seen as so innocent and primitive in our high tech society. At any rate, forgive my long winded reply and I’ll stop with a simple Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
I love this scene – such a vivid image of the carnival and its entertainers and I love the contrast between your characters, the wide eyed wonder of Havah and Itzak’s shrugging practicality. A good character piece as well as a lovely period scene.
You’re so right about saving cut scenes – I’m redrafting a novel at the moment and stowing all the cuts in a separate file. You never know, eh?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Lynn,
I’m glad the contrast between them came through. There’s a little more explanation in the longer version of this story that will go in the coffee table book. Itzak is usually the clown in the family.
As for saving, I still have the longer version of my last novel in MS form. Who knows where and when the excess ill be used. Waste not, want not. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
You never know! More FFs hopefully!
LikeLike
Cute story, Rochelle. Did Russell put you up to that ending? I love fairs, as you know, but JHC’s photo took me in a different direction today.
Thanks for the photo of Electric Park.
LikeLike
p.s. I’m saving my shekels for that coffee table book.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Dear Ted,
I’m glad you’re saving your shekels. When my publisher suggested this book he said he was looking at selling it for $30.00. Hardback with full color pages. Yeah…I’m pretty pumped about it. 😉
I could claim guilt by association with Russell for the final line, however, he’s innocent. Glad you joined the party this week. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
I’m with Havah. Who cares if it’s sleight of hand? It’s still cool to watch. If this is what falls on the cutting room floor, the book must be awesome. Nice one, Rochelle!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Eric,
Sleight of hand fascinates me. It still takes talent and skill. 😉 Thank you for such a wonderful compliment. Naturally what I say next is, ‘check out my books to find out.’ 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha – loved that last line!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Susan. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
I expect no-one was more relieved than the dog. You do the right thing, keeping the out-takes. Everything has a place somewhere. Love the name ‘Electric Park’. So evocative.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Sandra,
I’m not sure the dog could’ve done more than four letters. I actually found Pilu the dog in some article about a carnival in the day. It might even have been one about Electric Park. It was quite the place in its day. Thank you for the read and the comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Constantinople? Never! That would get boring way too fast.
Great setting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Alice,
I imagine the patrons would get up and leave before the dog was finished. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
It sounds like such a fun place to be. Love the part about the dog! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Magarisa,
It does sound like a fun place. Alas, it only exists in history books now. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Rochelle,
You are a smart cookie for keeping your “scraps” – I only hope I’ll be that smart one day! 😉
And this scene is lovely. Heaven forbid we laugh on a holy day…
Lotsa love,
Dale
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Dale,
I’m sure you’ll be that smart and will have plenty to save. 😉 There’s a verse in the Bible that says, “A merry heart is like a medicine…” So there you go. 😀 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Good thing you believe in me!
As for the quote – that’s a keeper!
LikeLike
Guilty pleasures on the Sabbath and the friend that knows it all – I love how we see the different personalities of the two characters through their reaction to the magic show
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Siobhán,
I’m glad the different personalities came through. 😀 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
An interesting idea, this coffee table book. Short stories and your drawings?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, Dawn. The coffee table book was my publisher’s idea about two years ago when I was posting the character bios on my blog. Originally my thought was to have it a book of character studies with the sepia portraits. Since then it has evolved which is why you see all of the illustrations here and on Facebook. I’ve never even seen something quite like this so my hopes are high. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just completing it and bring it to life is an accomplishment. I’ll be cheering you on. And to answer your question, no we obviously have not heard “enough” about this project.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What fun! Don’t you hate it when you have to “shoot your darlings?” But how wonderful to resurrect them again. I never throw out cut scenes. You never know when they’ll be handy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Lish,
I was told early on when I was writing and rewriting and editing Please Say Kaddish for Me not to throw anything away. I did find that a couple of scenarios I cut out of the first book ended up in the third. 😀 This scene was too cute to pulse the story forward in the third book but, see, it will work in the coffee table book. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lighthearted and fun. Nice one, Rochelle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Linda. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
great use of dialogue. the flow of the conversation runs very smoothly. well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Plaridel. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a lovely little tale. We find such skeptics all around us, they mean well by pointing such things out, but do not know that they are killing the sense of wonder, the magic inside us in the process. Shalom.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Anurag,
It’s true. Skeptics may mean well but they can be something of a buzz kill. 😉 Thank you for you affirming comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such vivid imagination, I was taken back to the days I visited a fair. Such great story telling skills Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Akshata,
Thank you for such lovely comments and compliments. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Entertainment for a simpler time. Loved the last line!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Ali,
A simpler time indeed. 😀 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
This scene made me smile. Hard to believe it didn’t make the cut! I especially loved the image of the dog trying to spell “Constantinople,” especially when I had to double-check the spelling myself. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Jan,
I’m sure you know how it is. Sometimes those stories slow a novel down. Some of my slaughtered darlings have ended up as short stories. Glad you enjoyed this one. 😀
Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Dear Marie Laveau W(T)F V.D. (doctor of voodoo medicine)
I’ve always heard that a bird in the hand was more comfortable than two in the trousers. I enjoy good magic acts and never worry about “how they did it.” That Bullwinkle was amazing. He fooled me every afternoon at 4:30. Him and that damn squirrel are partly to blame for me turning out the way I did.
Lovely excerpt,
Delbert Q.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Q,
I am of the Rocky and Bullwinkle generation myself. I suppose that explains a lot, doesn’t it? I loved that Moose and Squirrel, but Fractured Fairy Tales were always my favorite. Little known fact, for all of his wisdom, Mr. Peabody was never quite housebroken. (But you didn’t hear that here.)
Thanks for twirling by.
Shalom,
Marie Laveau W(T)F
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, poor Sherman. He had a lot of cleaning up to do. Too bad they didn’t have doggie diapers in those days.
I’m big on channeling Edward Everett Horton every chance I get.
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Colorful and vivid. Loved this outtake!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Karen. 😀 Always fun to be able to use what was on the cutting room floor. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love the little act of taboo and rebellion. Love the way you fill your stories with life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Madison,
Havah is a bit of a maverick. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Is your coffee table book going to be snippets like this as well as drawings?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, Liz. That’s the plan. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Such a fun and energetic scene! I can see why you wouldn’t want to leave it on the cutting-room floor. And I agree, never delete anything, you never know when you can use it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Joy,
Nothing’s ever wasted, is it? Thank you for your affirming comments. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bahahaha a great story… the humor flows so naturally. But I’m with her, I don’t want to know how they did it… it’s magical
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Laurie,
Exactly. Why spoil a magic trick by taking out the magic? 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Hahaha yes exactly
LikeLike
Wonderful vignette of a bygone era. That sentence at the end made me laugh.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Subroto,
Mission accomplished. Glad you laughed. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Hahaha. What a brilliant last line, Rochelle!
I realised after reading your beautiful and refreshing story that I hadn’t been to a fair for a long time. Thanks for reviving some lost memories.
Loved the dialog.🙂
Best wishes,
Moon
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Moon,
I’m so pleased you enjoyed my story. 😀 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Dear Rochelle
Moi, tired of hearing about your work in progress?
Of course, I am not.
So glad this outtake found its way up from the cutting room floor. I can almost smell the grease paint, hear the, ‘Roll up, roll up, meet the incredible bearded lady!’
Shalom
Kelvin
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Kelvin,
Your words are encouraging re my WIP. It’s feeling a little daunting at times. Glad you enjoyed my reinstated cutting. 😉 Thank you for stopping by.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
If you need any help, Rochelle, if you think I can help you, in any way. You know where I am, and how willing to please I am. It’s always good to drop by.
Shalom
Kelvin
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love Havah’s spirit and the clear picture you painted of the day she had at the carnival. It was a whimsical scene! Growing up in the era of small amusement parks, carnivals, and fairs, I can imagine it all. Lovely! =)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Brenda,
By the time I came along Electric Park was a thing of the past but we had Fairyland Park and Kiddie Land. Very happy memories of those places. It’s fun writing about a woman in my hometown, almost a century before I was born. 😀 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Rochelle,
That’s a wonderful bonus, an additional scene featuring Havah! Her delight at the Vaudeville is infectious. See me smiling 🙂 🙂 🙂 I love her spontaneity and childlike pleasure in things. I’m sure that here delight outweighs any objections that people could possibly have towards her doing something “frivilous” on the Sabbath.
All best wishes,
Sarah
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Sarah,
And for a rabbi’s daughter, as well as being a rabbi’s daughter in law. 😉 But you’ll remember that Yussel enjoyed baseball games and Crackerjacks. 😀 Coming to America changed a lot of things. Thanks for taking the time to read and leave a nice comment.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
We lost some great entertainment when vaudville dwindled out, that’s for sure. Sabbath in my house, despite my mom’s paganity, was extremely strick. You could read, do homework, sunbathe, visit family or neighbors, but never, never go out to something like the fair. She took ‘no work’ seriously, even not eating out and making others work. Sometimes, i miss that part…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Jelli,
All cultural background aside, ie my maternal grandfather was Orthodox. By the time I came along we rarely attended Shabbes services unless it was for a Bar Mitzvah. If anything my mother was ‘religious’ about her Saturday afternoon Mah Jhongg games.
Thank you for taking the time to read and leave such a nice comment, my friend.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love the line at the beginning, “didn’t the Book say laughter is good for the soul?” On the one hand, she felt the rules said she shouldn’t be at the show; on the other, she reasoned that what she did was in line with principles. Interesting for theological reflection.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Kevin,
Havah is a rabbi’s daughter. But she, as her father before her, is something of a rule breaker. Thank you for your reflective and thought provoking comments.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Welcome!
LikeLike
Ha ha this is great fun! Loved the grumpy Itzac – I suspect he wants all of her attention – nice quip though 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Anna,
Actually, in my books, Itzak is the family comic who can find humor in every situation, even tragedy. Hard to pull that off in 100 words. But it’s fun seeing the interpretations I hadn’t thought of. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
You had me right there in the moment, even with a chuckle at the end. Well done, Rochelle!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Sascha
Thank you for such a lovely comment. You made me smile. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Good fun but what I want to know is – where is the bloopers section?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Subroto,
I suppose you could call my coffee table book the blooper section. Deleted scenes and expansions. 😉 Glad you had enough fun to comment twice. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
I love the excitement in this, the guilty secret of watching, the detailed descriptions of everything new, and the cutting observation at the end. This is such a lovely vignette I worry about what else might be on your cutting room floor.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Sarah Ann,
This was just one of those scenes, that while fun, didn’t pulse the overall story of the novel forward. I cut about 7,000 words…scenes that were just ‘too cute’ or too much of a derail. At any rate I’m glad you enjoyed this scene. Happily it’s going in the next book. Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s good to hear it will be used. I am editing at the moment and am reading with ‘does this advance the story?’ in my head the whole time. It makes you read in a different, and much slower way.
LikeLike
Itzak can come and stay with us anytime. We need cheering up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Patrick,
Itzak is the life of every party. And he plays a mean fiddle. 😉 Thank you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Muses: “P’raps I should join a club. Doing my own stuff on my own is isolating.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Robert,
It’s a great way to network with other blogger. 😉 Not to mention lure new followers.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, if only I wasn’t such a lazy son of a … person. 🙂
Peace to you too, Rochelle.
Robert.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You have a standing invitation should you ever get off your…decide to join. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very kind. I’ll see if I can clear my schedule to allow. 🙂
LikeLike