Humor

All posts in the Humor category

1 April 2016

Published March 30, 2016 by rochellewisoff

Thoreau Mugs

Friday Fictioneers and Poppy

The following photo is the PROMPT. Keep in mind that all photos are the property of the contributor, therefore copyrighted and require express permission to use for purposes other than Friday Fictioneers. Giving credit to whom credit is due is proper etiquette. 

Please make an effort to stay within the suggested word count. While 50 to 100 words over the limit might not seem like much  to the writer, in the context of reading up a hundred stories, it’s a little inconsiderate. Use your imagination and pare it down. It can be done and you might be surprised at how few words you need to create a scene or tell a story.

PHOTO PROMPT © Marie Gail Stratford

PHOTO PROMPT © Marie Gail Stratford

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Genre: Hysterical Non-Fiction

Word Count: 100

PREMIER SALES DITCH

“Everyone gets a facial.” My friend Jennifer’s voice crackled with enthusiasm through the phone. “It’s great fun and you can make a ton of money.”

That night, at a rah-rah recruiting meeting as her fresh meat du jour special guest, I swallowed the hook.

__________

Pink Cadillacs sped along my mind’s highway as I arrived at my first skincare party.

Setting Styrofoam sample trays before potential customers, I touted my product’s miraculous benefits. “A hide tanner discovered the formula.”

One dainty lady dipped her fingertip into the moisturizer and frowned. “You expect me to put this shit on my face?”  

***

I recently did a blog interview with Deborah Kalb. To read it, click HERE

19 February 2016

Published February 17, 2016 by rochellewisoff

Another Hightway

Blue Ceiling FF

The following photo is the PROMPT. Keep in mind that all photos are the property of the contributor, therefore copyrighted and require express permission to use for purposes other than Friday Fictioneers. Giving credit to whom credit is due is proper etiquette. 

Please be considerate and make an effort to stay within the suggested word count. 

PHOTO PROMPT - © Sandra Crook

PHOTO PROMPT – © Sandra Crook

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Genre: Hysterical Non-Fiction

Word Count: 100

THE DIMENSION OF IMAGINATION

            The hourglass photo prompt taunts me. “You call yourself an author?” 

            Bits of flotsam swirl through my mind. Or is it jetsam? I get them confused.

            There’s always my go-to theme. “I’ll take historical fiction for a hundred, Alex.”

            Surfing the internet for ‘history of clocks,’ my findings are less exciting than watching oatmeal simmer.

            Jim Croce saved time in a bottle and Steve Miller sang, “Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future.”

            Sand trickles through the witch’s hourglass.  

            “This, my little pretty, is how much time you have left and it isn’t long. Make every word count.”   

 

Next Year it’s the Beach

Published January 18, 2016 by rochellewisoff

For the first time in over forty years we broke with Jan’s family tradition and left town for Christmas. I take the blame for this. Because our children are grown and scattered to the three winds—we only have three sons—and have commitments, no one could come home.

Not wanting to endure another dismal holiday like 2014, this pushy Jewish mom invited herself to Chicago to spend it with our youngest son Christian. To my joy, my suggestion was met with enthusiasm from both my son and his fiancée, the lovely Sarah Adams.

Our flight out the Wednesday before was uneventful and short. When we arrived at the kids’ apartment we were met with a beautifully set table of fruit, veggies, cheese and wine and hugs.

Food is always a challenge when we travel because of my annoying dietary issues. Sarah went out of her way to accommodate. She made such things as gluten free blueberry pancakes and lactose and gluten free macaroni and cheese.

Twins cooking

Sarah cooking

I won’t bore my readers with all of the details but will try to hit the high points, the top of which would have to be spending time with the kids, Sarah in particular. If a mother could handpick a woman for her son in this day and age, she would be my choice. She’s a talented artist as you can see in the picture below—only a small example of what she’s capable of.

Fields Family in Sarah's kitchen

The pinnacle for me came when she opened my present to them, a watercolor portrait I did from a photo I snapped last summer. Sarah cried and said that no one had done artwork for her before. She’s always been on the giving end of that.

The piano

Saturday following Christmas I met for lunch with Annie Milne, a friend from high school and before. It’s been at least twenty years since we last spoke in person. Since both of us have food problems, we ate at a nearby restaurant called Lyfe’s Kitchen where we inundated the server with questions and instructions. Silly though it may seem, we both enjoyed not being ‘the only one.’

Annie and Me in Lyfe's Kitchen

Our lunch lasted four hours and it wasn’t long enough.

Love on the Purple Line

Sunday night we took the EL downtown to meet with Sarah’s twin Katie and her boyfriend Sebastian and few others for supper. As we boarded the train on the Purple Line we were greeted by a woman named Lauren, who like me, was also wearing all purple. We chatted a bit and I mentioned my blog ‘Addicted to Purple.’ She said, “I’ve read that.”

Purple Line

I found that Lauren’s also a writer and enjoys blog challenges. I expect to see her for Friday Fictioneers in the near future.

Within ten minutes of her departure, my phone sounded the WordPress chime. Lauren followed my blog, liked my ‘About Rochelle’ page and left a message saying how nice it was to meet me.

You can find her here. 

Throughout the week Jan and I enjoyed the fact that while it was a little damp and cold, it hadn’t snowed.

            “If I’d known, I would’ve driven,” he kept saying. “We could’ve saved plane fare.”

Perhaps he tempted the Fates once too often. Monday morning the national news was filled with icy snowy forecasts between Chicago and Kansas City. Naturally this was the morning we were scheduled to fly home.

The airport was packed. Check in wasn’t terrible, although Jan was divested of the port wine cheese in his carry on—an unopened, sealed tub. After that we managed to find seats at our gate. Boarding time was delayed by about thirty minutes. Not terrible. Right? Wrong. Once we seated, we waited on the tarmac while they de-iced the plane.

Two rows ahead of us a woman took out her knitting. Jan turned to me and said, “Those ten inch knitting needles are much safer than my cheese.”

The pilot kept us abreast of everything causing our delay. The plane was overweight so there was discussion about unloading some of the baggage as we were carrying baggage from some other delayed or cancelled flights. An hour later, our pilot said he’d “won the argument” and no one and nothing would be bumped.

We finally took off at 10:46, a mere two hours past our original takeoff time. As we came into Kansas City we had to circle the airport to burn excess fuel. There’s logic to that, right?

At last we landed on terra not-so-firma. We came into ice and snow. After sitting for about 45 minutes, the pilot informs us that the jet bridge at our gate is frozen so we’ll have to move to another gate. Mind you, by this time everyone is standing with their carry-ons at the ready. We sat once more. Another forty-five minutes or so pass as the plane rocks gently back and forth. The pilot explains that he’s trying to get enough traction on the ice to take us to the other gate. I think this is where I dropped my head into my hands. It was either laugh or cry.

MCI Lot

Once we finally deplaned and gathered our luggage we were met with yet another challenge. Our car was frozen shut and we had no ice scraper. Snow continued to fall. After a white knuckle ride home that took another couple of hours we rolled into our garage at 16:00.

At any rate, I’ll not complain. I slept in my own bed that night while hundreds slept in O’Hare Airport. I’m not sure but we might’ve been on the last flight that managed to leave Chicago for the next few days.airport selfie

 

 

8 January 2016

Published January 6, 2016 by rochellewisoff

 

Pane iced Banner

Erie Canal

FF copyright banner final

FRIDAY FICTION CONCRIT SUBGROUP

If you want to be part of this group click the link above and follow the rules set forth by Jennifer Pendergast, the leader of this subgroup. No one is under obligation to participate nor is it necessary to dig something up to criticize for the sake of critique. Please keep it polite and friendly. 

The next photo is the PHOTO PROMPT. Where does it take you? Tell us in one hundred words or less. 

PHOTO PROMPT © Melanie Greenwood

PHOTO PROMPT © Melanie Greenwood

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Genre: Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 100

ALTERNATE FLIGHT

 

“Sorry, Miss, your flight’s been cancelled,” says the airline rep with a wheeze in her voice.  

“My boyfriend’s got reservations for our bistro and I’m sure he’s going to pop the question tonight and I have to—”

“Young love will have to go on standby, dearie.” She squints at me through horn-rimmed glasses.

Teeth grinding, I pace in front of the window as snow covers the tarmac.

I plop down in a chair.

My iPhone chimes.  

“It’s over. Marrying Patricia. Safe travels. Eugene.”

 It’s snowing harder. I read his text three more times and grin with relief. Lovely weather.  

23 October 2015

Published October 21, 2015 by rochellewisoff

Sunrise FF Banner

*****

**MESSAGE FROM ROCHELLE **

            This past week marks my third anniversary as Friday Fictioneers Facilitator. To celebrate I’ve taken the liberty of rerunning a photo prompt and my story from the week Madison passed the baton to me. If you were part of the group at that time feel free to rerun your story as well.

            I’d like to share some thoughts with you as I go into my fourth year as your “Fairy Blog Mother” (Thank you, Vijaya). I’ll begin by saying that I appreciate those who were part of the group before me and have stayed on the bus. Your encouragement has helped me through some difficult times as I’ve learned there’s more to facilitating than simply posting and hosting.

            The discipline of writing an entire story in a hundred words has done wonderful things for my longer pieces. I’ve also experienced the joy of watching growth in other writers and I love the diversity and cultural exchange as we represent different parts of the world. I’ve made some delightful friendships that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

            Since 2012 participation has doubled.  I make it a point to at least read every entry. That being said, I’ll admit that serials that require my having to refer back to a previous story frustrate me. If you must write a serial, please make sure your entry stands alone. As one writer said recently, I can barely remember what I wrote last week.

            My other pet peeve is the multiple prompt stories.  I find these pieces that try to shoehorn three to four challenges to be stilted and confusing. Mind you, no one will be expelled for posting them. Everyone has preferences and I’m no exception.

            I’ll end here with a hearty thank you for indulging me more than a hundred words. And THANK YOU FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION!!!  

*****

Now it’s your turn. What do you like about Friday Fictioneers? How do you feel the discipline helps you as a writer? What are your pet peeves, ie what don’t you like?

*****

The next photo is the PROMPT which first appeared in October 2012. 

copyright-Ron-Pruitt

PHOTO PROMPT © Ron Pruitt

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Genre: Para-Abnormal

Word Count: 97

FRIDAY’S BUS

              Apprehensions whelmed the new driver. How could she steer the behemoth? Her feet barely reached the gas pedal.

             A lithe maiden with pointed ears and iridescent wings, floated past her.  Next was an imposing man whose black silk cape skimmed the floor. One by one, diverse passengers stowed their baggage and found their seats.

            “Welcome,” said the last in line. “I’m Russell.”

             Warmed by his congenial smile she tried not to stare at his plastic clown nose and grasped his offered hand.

             Zzzzzzt! His joy buzzer sent shockwaves to her shoulder.  

             He chortled. “Are we there yet?”

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You can find the original posting of this story here. 

I hope you’ll read the message before the prompt and take some time to give me feedback. Thank you. 

Shalom,

Rochelle 

9 October 2015

Published October 7, 2015 by rochellewisoff

Another Hightway

Sunrise FF Banner

FF copyright banner finalThe next photo is the PHOTO PROMPT. How does it make you feel? Can you make us feel it in a hundred words or less? 

PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

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Genre: Hysterical Fiction

Word Count: 100

STOP THE MERRY-GO-ROUND

            “It must be fun to work in a bakery,” said a little girl, her eyes wide with amazement as she watched Elise make an icing rose.

            “It can be,” replied Elise.  

            Twenty-two years ago it had been fun but now Elise’s hands ached and the clacking of the industrial mixer combined with the dishwasher’s racket made her head throb.

            The clock ticked away her final hour of employment and she imagined herself turning cartwheels through the front door until a man with an eight-toothed grin plopped a cake down on her table and asked, “Kin I get this wrote on?”

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(I confess. My middle name is Elise).

THE END OF AN ERA

DSCF2656

Swim cake

Butterfly tiers

BEHOLD THE CAKE DECORATOR  AUTHOR-ILLUSTRATOR

YEE-HAW!!!

COWABUNGA!!!

2 October 2015

Published September 30, 2015 by rochellewisoff

Flowers from the Hill Thoreau

Erie Canal

FF copyright banner final

The following photo is the PHOTO PROMPT.  Does it download a story to your head. Tell us in a hundred words or less–beginning, middle and and end. 

NOTE: We have experienced some technical difficulty with the inLinkz box. It was in the middle of an update at the most inconvenient time. PLEASE for future reference, if you’re experiencing a difficulty with the site EMAIL ME! I’m as close as runtshell@gmail.com. Thank you. 

Shalom, 

Rochelle

PHOTO PROMPT - © Marie Gail Stratford

PHOTO PROMPT – © Marie Gail Stratford

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Genre: Historical Friction

Word Count: 100

TRASH 80

            “Isn’t it beautiful?” Jan showed off his latest acquisition from Radio Shack.

            I fumed. “Our electric typewriter works just fine. A computer will end up being another dust collector like your precious Polaroid SX-70.”

            “How was I supposed to know the film would cost a fortune?”         

***

            Thirty-six years have passed since that day.  I’ve acquired my own desktop, scanner-printer combo, a netbook for travel and Jan takes sharp pictures with his iPad.  

            He reads my story over my shoulder and says with a sly smile, “Lemme get a rag for you.”

            “Why?”

            “You’ve been at it hours. You’re collecting dust.”

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trs-80

SONY DSC

floppy-disk-214975_640

netbook

3 July 2015

Published July 1, 2015 by rochellewisoff

Another Hightway

Sunrise FF Banner

FF copyright banner final

The following photo is the PHOTO PROMPT. What story does it have to tell? 

PHOTO PROMPT - © Jean L. Hays

PHOTO PROMPT – © Jean L. Hays


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Genre: Hysterical Fiction

Word Count: 100

GENERATIONS

            “Summer of 1954. What a heatwave,” said Great-Gran. “We didn’t have air conditioning. My boyfriend and I went to the drive-in theater on Saturday nights. If we were lucky there’d be a decent breeze and a good flick like Roman Holiday or From Here to Eternity.

            “I saw them on Netflix.”  Fourteen-year-old Megan loved old movies, the older the better.  “Burt Lancaster was really hot in that sex scene on the beach.”

            “I missed that part of the movie but I think the one in Bobby’s Bel-Air topped it.” Great-Gran’s eyes sparkled.

            “Does Gramps know he’s a passion pit baby?”  

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12 June 2015

Published June 10, 2015 by rochellewisoff

Another Hightway

Sunrise FF Banner

FF copyright banner final

The following photo is the PHOTO PROMPT. Some of you may remember it from long ago. 

Kitche picture prompt

PHOTO PROMPT -© Raina Ng

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Summer reruns are upon us. As I will be somewhat out of commission this week to have a physical inconvenience taken care of I’m falling back on one of those prompts from my first year in Friday Fictioneers. I’ve updated it a bit to make it one hundred words exactly. You can find the original post here. I will try to make the rounds but, at this time, make no promises. 

Genre: Realistic Fiction

Word Count: 100

THE GIRL MOST LIKELY

            Coffee and baking cookie aromas filled Gail’s kitchen. She wiped dust from a dog-eared yearbook, set it on the table, smiled at her high school chum and said, “I’m so glad we found each other.” 

            “We were darling, weren’t we?” Brenda flipped through the faded pages. “You’ve done well for yourself, Miss Homecoming Queen. Nice home. Handsome husband. I’m so jealous.”   

            “Thirty-seven glorious years next month.”

             “Amazing.” Brenda pointed to a picture of a moon-faced boy with horn-rimmed glasses and buck teeth. “Hey remember him? What a geek! I wonder what ever happened to the little twerp.”

              “I married him.”

19 December 2014

Published December 17, 2014 by rochellewisoff

South KC Sky Banner

Friday Fictioneers and Poppy

FF copyright banner final

The next photo is the PROMPT. I can only imagine what’s going through your mind as you look at it. 😉 I dare you to think outside the box. I double-bug dare you! 

My story follows the prompt and the blue inLinkz froggy. I appreciate honest comments as well as constructive criticism.

 

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Genre: Hysterical Fiction

Word Count: 100

BUG TUSSLE

            “Well now it’s time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin…”

            “Dumb show.” Dottie switched off the television. “Bug Tussle. Who’d give a town such a stupid name?”

            “Grandpa and I got hitched there,” said Gran without looking up from her knitting.

            “You’re kidding.”

            “Bug Tussle, Texas.” The yarn strands between Gran’s fingers blurred. “I was only fifteen. Grandpa sure could sweet-talk. Judge Fink officiated.”

            “Fink? Don’t tease me, Grandma.”

            “James Bates Fink. He’d marry anyone for a dollar.”

            “What did your parents say?”

            “Well, Daddy lowered his shotgun and hugged us. Your mama came a month later.”   

 

Yes, Virginia, there really is a Bug Tussle, Texas.  

© Original Artwork -Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

© Original Artwork -Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

 

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